Because I'm the Fourth

Holy Envy: From a lecture I attended in Jerusalem

2012-01-26T13:29:00.000-08:00

Tamarra Kemsley

JERUSALEM — During a time when the Swedish community was in vocal opposition against the construction of an LDS temple in the country’s capital, Lutheran Bishop Krister Stendahl of Sweden first presented to the world the concept of “holy envy.”

23 years later, three members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were privileged to attend the “Holy Envy” section of the prestigious Edward Bronfman Annual Lecture held in Jerusalem where the presenters came from Jewish, Christian, and Muslim backgrounds.

“It is a deeper sense of religious humility,” Rabbi Professor David Hartman said, “through which Christian and Muslim scholars can come together in a Jewish institution, and feel comfortable with one another.”

Professor Menachem Fisch, the director of Philosophy at Tel Aviv University said, “Many of us are easily pluralistic when it comes to language and literature, music, and foreign cuisines, seeing such as an asset for enrichment. But many people, and especially religious people, believe that when it comes to the diverse truth-playings of diverse ethical and religious systems…the kind of wrongness that they attribute to peoples of other faiths rules out the possibility of attributing them any inherent value.”

Amy Gordon, one of the three BYU students and members of the LDS Church present there, expressed the love and appreciation she had developed during her time in Jerusalem for the Lutheran services she had developed a habit of attending, emphasizing most the optimism and enthusiasm found therein.

Regarding holy envy Gordon had the following to say: “Because we belong to the ‘one true church,’ sometimes we make the mistake of believing that we have the ‘one right way of doing things’… There is a wealth of truth and understanding that can be found outside of Sunday School, and as a people dedicated to truth, we should be eager to look for all that is good about the faith of others, and willing to embrace light wherever we find it.”

Although unable to attend the conference, Jeffrey Stott, also a senior at Brigham Young University attending the Jerusalem study abroad, has become very familiar with the concept of holy envy during his time in the Holy Land saying, “I’ve noticed that members of other religions have better captured the essence of direct vocal worship to God. While I have learned to daily give thanks to God, I rarely praise him with words or verbally recognize His power and divinity, something that the Jews and Muslims are constantly doing."

All the speakers stressed that holy envy was not a means towards conversion or a tool of missionary work.

Rather, as Professor Shiraz Hijiani of the University of Chicago and a Muslim described it, religion is “not a zero-sum game. I need to be working on helping you practice your faith the best that you can. Why? Because your salvation depends on mine, and mine on yours.”

2012-01-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

Christmas letters are best snarky

2011-12-17T19:54:00.000-08:00

When I get the chance to write the Kemsley Family Christmas Letter, I take it.

To Whom It May Concern:

Deen and Kristin are standing strong these days in spite of chronic vacuum failure and spending a month and a half in rural India again. Deen mostly teaches and Kristin mostly paints in the face of impending blizzards. They both love living like pioneers when the power goes out for weeks on end.
We probably miss you, possibly love you, and figured you would like an update:

Janelle: Kickin it with all the other Mormon mommy bloggers on the Upper Westside. Elliot goes to preschool, sleeps in a closet, and has become wildly proficient at throwing birds at concrete walls. Harper and Janelle are both meticulously well-dressed though one does better with strangers than the other.

Kara: She tried to learn guitar but argues her fingers are too small. Still doing statistics about who’s most likely to die when and lives with her husband Frank, who is a fantastic whistler, in an apartment just above Janelle, making Call of Duty and/or Agricola evenings very doable.

Alia: Has a house. Like, a house house. With a pool and everything. Jackson came into existence recently and Brian loves referring to his kids accurately as “his boys” and Alia’s pretty much wiped but that doesn’t stop her from sweeping all the best internet bargains.

Tamarra: Well, for the first half of the year she was on her mission at Temple Square where she saw friends and family pretty much daily, but is now officially among the land of the living and this time she won’t ask you for a referral.

Linea: Been super busy with school; however, on the whole she finds great joy in living so long as “Merlin” is still running and “Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell” is in reach. She just changed her major from biophysics to just physics. We Kemsleys have never been animal-loving people, anyway.

Mikaela: I would write more about her but I can’t hear over her singing. Which is fantastic, by the way, and has helped her grace the stage in many-a-play this past year including Leisle in “The Sound of Music.” The cool part is she actually WAS sixteen going on seventeen.

Sean: Massive. Just massive. As tall as Deen and a voice a whole octave lower. Need any trees cut down? With a herring? The Newtown High School XC team is lucky to have him.

Caleb: How many 10 year olds do you know can claim the piano and the cello but can’t cut their cornbread? That is Caleb. Oh, and he got straight A’s so far this school year. Deserves, along with Josh, some serious “Uncle of the Year” awards.

Josh: Plays the violin and sometimes gets so frustrated with it he refers to it as a “wretched” instrument. We at least take comfort in his command of the English language, though not so much that he’s convinced all the kids at school that the speakers in the lunchroom are bombs and the teachers’ bathroom has a door to a secret passageway.

Well, that should do it. And in all seriousness, we appreciate the continued impact you have in our lives whether we saw you last week or a decade ago. We continue to take joy in knowing each of you.

Sincerely,

The Kemsleys

2011-10-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

Epilogue

2011-07-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

In the last few days leading up to Sister Kemsley's return, the mission life felt as routine as every day before it stretching back to January 2010. Only in the last three hours of full-time, nametag service did her stomach finally cue the long overdue somersaults that are in order when anyone's life is about to shift dramatically. But even then, they were a minor side effect of change. There were no major side effects, really.

She was talking to guests and sisters, then sleeping, then awake earlier than she wished, then on a plane with a fellow missionary headed to the same neck of the woods, then landed, then greeted by her family, then back home to the same house she'd expected to return to in the very same place she'd thought it would be. Only, she did not expect the totally modern armchairs her mom had bought and placed in the living room next to the classical styled furniture. That came as a complete surprise.

As life commenced over the next several days (during which there was a fair share of dragon games) Tamarra tried again and again to explain to her fellows that it was not whatsoever difficult or strange to be back. The mission was weird, she would often think to herself, this is completely normal.

On the outside, one might be tempted to think she immediately lost herself in "the world" again, forgetting things like scripture study and prayer: What had been 2 hours a day of study of the word of God quickly dropped to 20 minutes a day. Personal prayers to God were a few sentences, and mostly pleas for those she left behind on the front lines of Temple Square to have His aid and love in the soul-wrenching work she knew they were about. And for a moment the recently returned missionary was afraid maybe she had lost touch with her spiritual side to a certain degree. But that moment of doubt lasted only for a moment which was all it took for the Divine to insert (as it so often does) its own thoughts on the matter.

Just the way it made no sense for His disciples to fast when He was in the midst, so it made little sense to lock herself in a room to read about the eternal purposes of mankind (which is eternal families) when hers was milling about outside her door. Neither did it make sense to read about the need for service in the purifying of a human heart when mher mother stood in need of me every moment of the day. In many ways, Tamarra's spirit was more whole than it had been in a very long time.

And so it was that, with the satisfaction of a mission well-served and the promise of many more missions to come (though not necessarily ones that came with a name tag), she placed herself in the best way she could to continue to learn from January 2010-July 2011, while bracing for the future and taking full advantage of the opportunities in her reach that very moment. In doing so, she felt a level of life and joy kindle within her breast that had long since extinguished itself.

THE END (of this portion of my life)

1... (June 30, 2011)

2011-07-06T08:25:00.001-07:00

Woah.

You ready for what's about to come at you? A full-blown return missionary in identity-crisis mode? Because here she comes.

Mom - dinner and then to be released sounds wonderful. Released. Funny and appropriate word for such a thing.

Josh - I have just the thing in mind for you. And everyone. Nothing super nice or special - just knick knacks that made brought a smile to my face and a sibling to mind. (I mean, we're talking like after I came home from the Middle East - most of this is free stuff I found lying around, but you know it comes from the heart).

Alia - This is a latent response, but I totally appreciate and understand your decision to wait until Nantucket. It will be good just to talk on the phone again, you know? I mean, we're still upgrading here.

Alright, I think that takes care of all the housekeeping. As far as things on the Square goes, my last week is shaping up to be just like any other week except with added anxiety (it just occurred to me recently that I have pills for that). Went to the temple with the five other sisters I went into the MTC with and came on a mission with - we're one of the smallest groups ever to leave at the end of a transfer. Six of us, and we're all from the United States. Phew, the Square isn't losing any of its diversity. But as I sat on a bench in the chapel in the Salt Lake temple right in the middle of us, I thought how unique it is for a group to stick together for their entire mission, seeing each other each and every day. We're not just bonded together, we're welded. And it was the first time we could all sit together since the MTC and talk about the phenomenon that has taken place between each of us. All of us made it; no one bailed. We then went through the temple together and sat beside one another in the celestial room, drawing from the comfort of knowing that when we feel like no one can relate with us about the last year and a half, we have each other. Plus, all of us are going to one kind of BYU or another.

I saw Alan. I figured it would happen sometime before I went home, but admittedly was getting a little nervous when I only had a week left. Sister Elias wasn't feeling well one day so we went back for a bit for her to rest. On our walk back there he was, tall and well-tailored in dress, as if he had known I would walk across that intersection in that precise moment. He was shocked to know I only had a week left. He hadn't even been planning on coming to downtown Salt Lake that day, but for one reason or another found himself here and figured he ought to give Temple Square a single go. He wondered if he should go back and check again, but decided if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be, looked up and saw me coming. He and Sister Elias and I then spent the next two hours absorbing the wisdom he'd gained in the last 8 months since we had talked. His words echoed Dr. Ferre's, and in a way yours, Mom and Dad. I knew they were for me and the foundation for life's next chapter that I was looking for.

Hey, just want to give a shout out to all of you who have been so great at keeping in touch with me. It means the world for a missionary to know she's not forgotten by the outside world. Actually, I've been the envy of all the sisters I have shared the "K" mailbox with from transfer 1 to transfer 12 and I owe that honor to all of you.

Looking back the highlights are these:

Sitting across from Elder Pace and him telling me what I knew already but required validation for: I needed medical help.

Serving with Sister Tating.

Shelley who cried when she read the Book of Mormon for the first time.

Alan and his purple bandanna-d head sitting in the back righthand corner of the Assembly Hall.

Conference at Easter time.

Sleeping in after a very successful Conference.

Being a district leader.

Being companions with Sister Ishijima: "Uhh, yeah!"

Being companions with Sister Harmer.

Georgia, and specifically Barbara Tronsgard.

Okay, and UGA, too.

Teaching in Arabic with Sister Elias.

And, of course, the famous question, what did I learn?

That I am able to suffer the will of the Father. I feel my loyalty to Him secured. I understand much better the portion of Zion I am responsible for breaking about, however small.

God lives. The Savior lives. Joseph Smith did restore the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Temples are crucial to our salvation. The Book of Mormon is a seamless and much needed companion to the Holy Bible (and vice-versa). Most of all, God is a LOVING Heavenly Father.

Sincerely,

Sister Kemsley

2... (June 23, 2011)

2011-07-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

So.....

I'm kind of freaking out. Who wouldn't, right? 18 months of the same schedule and 20 acres is about to be totally erased. Out of my shire and into the complex, multi-faceted world. Though honestly, I'm okay with that. Overwhelmed, but at peace. A few points worry me, like how yesterday my companion was sick so we delayed the day two hours before going to the Square. Letting myself sleep in was a big mistake - I never really came out of the fog. I asked a friend who served with me a year ago how long the physical recovery took - "Well, definitely a month to start to catch up on sleep, and a year for overall healing." Uhh...that doesn't really work into my timeframe: One is not often paid for sleeping (though occasionally and perhaps I should start researching those options).

In the mean time, though, I'm working at full speed - the way I took off at the starting line. I just don't have any other mode and though sometimes I feel it would be wise to slow down a bit, I literally don't know how. I mean, how does that translate into reality? As a result, our days are packed with tours and teaching appointments. We are total, shameless motorcoach hogs. We have quite the report with the sisters in Guest Services and they have us at the top of their list. Most sisters hate escorting groups of 20-40 retired folk or American Asians (yes, only those two groups), but for whatever reason Sister Elias and I are obsessed. I was last year, too. So we take one or two a day - last week alone we taught 147 people about the history and basic beliefs of the Church. Productivity is simply lovely and enjoyable.

Beside the mass tours, we give many small ones. Two days ago we met a woman named Crystal and a man named Adam around. Um, we were kind of obsessed. We showed them EVERYTHING because we just didn't want to let them go. We totally blew off our dinner and took them around for a record 2.5 hours. They tried desperately to feed us a steak dinner afterwards which we obediently refused and ran home just in time to make it by 900 PM at which time we proceeded to make pancakes.

Crystal was just so fascinated and Adam remained aloof in his manly way but at the end when he found out the tour was over he ignored our outstretch hands and gave us each a quick hug. The four of us would get laughing so hard we would have to remove ourselves so other sisters could continue to teach in the same area. We also had incredibly real conversations about whether we truly believed everything the Church taught which I found myself very grateful to say that I did. Not an easy place to have come to, but I do. Already we have an email from Crystal thanking us for the tour and voicing how much she hopes we all stay in touch. Incredible how you can make stalwart friends in 2.5 hours. I think the Spirit of God has a way of facilitating such bonding and feelings of love and friendship.

A side note, I ran into Elder Perry twice this week and he talked with me both times (we are not allowed to initiate conversation with a General Authority). The second time I was on one of the endless escalators in the Conference Center about to end a tour with two precious people - Sue and Gary - when I heard from behind me "How are you?" Turning around I smiled and introduced him to the two on our tour. Afterwards we were walking and I explained to them that he was one of the twelve apostles. They thought that was pretty cool. Still didn't refer themselves to learn more - I guess that's validation that having an apostle isn't really the ticket any more than two missionaries on a tour.

Well, I'm grateful for everything I've learned here on the mission, mostly about who I am. Non-intentional self-discovery has been quite the theme of the last year and a half and has proven to be an exhausting process. Sometimes I wanted to throw up my hands and shout "I've had enough!" - actually I didn't just want to, I did exactly that. Of course it didn't work and now I'm grateful for it all, you know, the way you're glad you stuck it threw the full hour kickboxing class.

I'm off. We have to go get food seeing as we are even out of Ramen. And then sleep. We're going to watch "Tangled" tonight as a Zone - I'm looking forward to that.

Thanks for all the letters and the love. I really appreciate it.

Take care,

Tamarra

3... (June 16, 2011)

2011-06-30T13:12:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Before I forget, can you send me Uncle Mark's email address? Since I don't need to bring my winter stuff home, I thought I would just leave it with the rest of my stuff at his place - i.e. I'm hoping he'll come pick it up. One day I won't be such a parasite to humanity, but that day is not this one.

Did I tell you already about Carole's present to me? Maybe I did, I can't remember.

A week and a half ago I went into the South Visitor Center to see my buddy Carole, the woman that stands at the corner of the temple entrance and North Temple, yes with a cardboard sign. We're buds. Anyways, as I walked in she smiled and started fumbling with the Rite Aide bag she was holding, eventually pulling out a picture frame adorned with the highlights of Utah.

"I got this for you," she said in her usual ultra-passive voice. "I figured I'd get it while I had money - it was a good day."

I took it and she proudly pointed out the image of the temple on the metal frame.

Of late I've taken a very non-emotional approach to life. No, I didn't take it, that's just where I find myself, I suppose because emotion takes energy. Or maybe because I've stretched my emotional highs and lows to a point that it takes a whole lot more to rock me these days. This did. My eyes momentarily welled with tears as she repeated over and over that she got it today because today she had the money. In other words, foot traffic to and from the Square was good.

"Carole, I love it. I want to put a picture of us in it."

"That's kinda what I figgered buying it. But not today, I'll wear my special shirt tomorrow and we can take it then."

She couldn't find her special shirt - it was too dirty or something - but we took a picture the next day, thus the attachment.

I'm going to miss Ms. Carole and her marriage advice, passive intonations, love for a good sunrise, and her consistency; I can't remember a day that I didn't see her in all my days here at Temple Square. I'm sure she'll be there for years to come, and I figure when I'm in town I'll stop by and visit.

As for the Square, there are more people than we can hardly handle. I am nearly positive that this Summer is much busier than the one before, which keeps the days moving and all of us feeling like we are really of service. We've been taking a lot of tour buses around, including today when a group of 26 Kiwis walked in and asked for a tour - they were absolutely lovely. More time on the Square, less time on the computers and a lot more sun has changed the Square into a whole new place than what it was four weeks ago.

Probably the most incredible tour this week was a beautiful Mexican woman, her daughters, and her sisters and their kids. They walked through the West Gate at about 8:00 at night and we asked to show them around. I was completely taken aback by the emotional attachment I felt to this strong woman facing a terrible divorce. She was beautiful, strong and powerful. She was also very hurt and when we told her more about our message she very eagerly asked us to learn more. I did something with them that I've never done before - I took them all to the feet of the temple and for nearly 20 minutes we enjoyed being so close to those holy walls. I cannot wait to call Lidia and see how she's doing.

Well, that's about it. That's a lie - but yea, only a small portion can be written.

Thanks for all your support - I get about as much mail in my 12th transfer as I did in the 1st which is incredible. Thank you all for your continued support, even though I'm coming home soon (this may be when I need it the most).

Love you all.

Tamarra

You better believe I miss you all (June 9, 2011)

2011-06-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

HOLY C****! (you know, for the young eyes)
I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU ALL! I just want to play tag and curl up with books and go swimming and wrestle and watch movies at night and eat without a time limit...and work. I know it won't be a party, but work hard, play hard, right? (that's a lot of commas). I'll tell you what, the desktop images of Ireland and France are a wee on the painful side at this point.

Well, my dearies, this week was wonderful as far as teaching goes. The Square is bursting with people and that makes everything more interesting. And remember my stories about the family presentation "God's Plan for His Family"? (The one that reminded you of Toad's Wild Ride, Frank) THEY UPDATED IT. Yeah, sad, right? The highlight of my week is a new exhibit on the Square. But it's renewed my ability to feel the Spirit. Everything is so rote - "And these benches are original and painted to look like oak" "No, the cows in the temple are not real. They are only statues" "The roof of the Tabernacle is made out of a series of bridges" - that it's hard to feel it. I still do, quite frequently, actually. But watching the new God's Plan is like a warm bath of hope for the future. I've been somewhat racked with the reality that the next step after the mission IS marriage. Every day there are new wedding announcements hanging on the bulletin board in the offices and they're now sisters I served with back when. That's been a weird transition. Anyways, I refuse to think that anyone I'm serving with now will see my face up there before they go home, but I also always stuffed the "m" word away safely and comfortably knowing I had a mission to keep me safe. What now? Wear a fake engagement ring? The beautiful thing about being single, I've realized, is that divorce is not an option.

And speaking of getting married, my dear Claire - you know the one: she lives in a trailer in North Carolina, has two kids, 21 years old - she's trying to get married to her boyfriend who she lives with so she can get baptized on June 18th. She's asked us to pray for her. She told us about how she FASTED (today's just a day for caps) for 24 hours for God's help in all of this and sure enough, two hours after she started praying she began to receive answers and revelation on the matter. I've never seen someone receive answers to prayer so readily and wish I could ask her to get some answers for me. We love her and are excited to see the pictures of her baptism day whenever it happens.

I found a new person to teach in an interesting way this week. A woman from New Jersey called in furious about a call she received from one of the sisters serving here. It was distasteful, to say the least, and spent 20-30 minutes validating her concern and assuring her we will take it to the top, which was not an empty promise. After a while, however, she began to calm down and eventually I invited her to meet with missionaries again, as she had for a time in the past before the missionaries were switched out. "Absolutely!" was the response. We're calling Sherise probably tomorrow.

I don't know why this one event sticks out so much in my mind, but we took a tour of a couple from Virginia named Maurice and Bernadine. They were Baptist and very respectful as we shared with them the sites and our beliefs. Usually when we show Baptists around they will usually spend more time telling us what they believe than the reverse, so it was shocking when not once they raised an eyebrow or a concern. In fact, the Spirit nearly consumed me to tears, as if my body was confused by so much divinity it was feeling it was trying to find some outlet. They didn't refer for local missionaries, but they took the card with them (which they can now be mailed in), and I just left feeling like whatever took place was extremely exciting for heaven. That is a wonderful feeling.

Finally, my companion and I took a tour of Iraqi journalists to the Conference Center and shared with them that in Arabic. It was wonderful. They asked, "So what are you studying" and I said, "Journalism and Arabic." They were very pleased. As were we when it meant that we got a sneak peek at the translation room in the Conference Center which consists of 58 desks, one per language, and four people on each language "team", as they call it. Signs hung from the ceiling that resembled an "On Air" sign, but instead would light up as "Next Speaker". There will be two people on each talk, one main translator and one who cuts in if the one translating has to cough, etc. Behind them are two who are studying and preparing for the next talk, and when the light comes on, they switch. The languages are then broadcast with only a 2 second delay. There were languages I had never even heard of.

Finally, finally, Carole, my homeless buddy, bought me a photo frame with scenes of Utah on it. "I got it because I heard you were leaving, and I wanted to take a picture of us and put it in it. I bought it while I had money." She left the price tag on - it cost $9.00. Talk about a widow's mite. I love that woman.

Alright. Gotta go. Think I might make it to the JSMemorial Building Centennial Celebration for free cake and the Prophet's speech about it all.

Sincerely,

Tamarra

From Temple Square (June 2, 2011)

2011-06-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone,

Sounds like things are pretty good over there! Mikaela you will make an awesome Leisl - dancing around and flirting with the boys ;) Don't you love awkward "Uhh do you want to go out" moments"? Bummer the week I get home is your busiest! What are the odds, right? 1/52, I guess. That's alright, just glad you have the work you do and I'll see you soon enough.

It still feels like March outside, but the Summer crowds have been bursting through the doors here at the Square. I forgot how much I love Summer, with the hoards of people (mostly Asians). This morning we had 9 buses pull up outside West Gate, and only 4 of them were planned. It was a lot of paging, fast walking (because of course we're not allowed to run on the Square), and "WHERE ARE THE TAIWANESE SISTERS!" Such an adrenaline rush. The best and the most coveted job on the Square is that of contacting a Mandarin motorcoach. Contacting means you're the support duo for the companionship giving a tour, i.e. you clear the rooms they're going into, open doors, and bring up the rear with the avid picture-takers. Most of them are from China and they're some of the most attentive visitors - except when there's a photo op. They line the benches and "oh" and "aw" and applaud over simple things. They are a nice break from the largely unimpressed European crowds that simply respond with "Yep yep" - try to tell a European guest the temple took 40 years to build and they think "Well that was fast". Which, given the difficulty of the work and, oh yeah, ripping out the foundation of the temple after 9 years of construction, I guess it really is. Those pioneers, they got what it was all about.

We've also had some exciting moments during our online time, though it's been cut down due to the need for more of us on the Square. I've been thinking a lot this week about how to teach people to receive personal revelation. In some cases it's really quite straight forward, like for Claire. In other cases, it's perhaps the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. John is a wonderful intellectual who is looking for logic in faith to grab hold on as his faith in God slips away. We've been teaching him for about a month now and he's been really diligent in doing the thinks we've asked him to do, such as reading and praying.

"So?" We ask.

"I've felt much calmer since I started reading it."

"See!"

"But I don't know, that's just an emotion."

Cue anime moment with two missionaries with pouty faces. What do you say to that? I understand that we can and probably do create many "spiritual moments", but then there are times when it hits you when you weren't looking or planning, and how is that something we just contrived? Or our emotions are totally contrary to what we SHOULD be feeling, like calm in face of a storm. To me, that's evidence that there is something more than serotonin releases going on here.

So has anyone seen/heard much about "The Book of Mormon" play? I heard the plot and that it was extremely blasphemous, that the Church really just was sweet and kind with the makers (who yes, I heard are from South Park), but hey, any advertising is free advertising, right? I mean, the Ghanan senators I was teaching got that. They were deeply troubled that there were not more copies of The Book of Mormon in circulation and felt it should be publicized much more. Well, seeing as one of them talked to us on the phone a few days ago and told us he was positive everything we shared with him is true, perhaps that will be the case in Ghana. It was incredible talking with him. He told us about how after our tour he went and had lunch with an apostle. The whole experience and what he felt left him doubtless that this was God's church upon the earth. I thought, "Well, whichever of the 12 apostles that was, he sure made our job as missionaries a lot easier."

The sweetest moment perhaps of this week happened when Sister Elias and I were online teaching. A 17 year-old girl came on looking for help. "I know this isn't an advice center, but I don't know who to talk to," she told us. "I'm pregnant." She was grateful to hear that God still loved her, which we reassured her was the case.

"So what about the father?" we asked.

"He told me to get an abortion so I'll never have to tell my parents and everything will go back to normal."

"Things won't just go back to normal for you, hunny," we told her. We talked about it out with her, you know, not really our missionary task but she was all too young and scared to just send away. I gave her the link to the Church's adoption program and pointed out the hotline where she could receive professional advice. All in all, I think she will have the baby and talk to her parents and we might have just saved a life.

I thought, "That's worth 18 months of work, but it only took 20 minutes."

Well, I'll end there. Mom and Dad, is Chris Ward still the one to contact to set up an appointment President Checketts to be released? I figure with his schedule, better sooner than later.

So long.

Tamarra

Oh yeah! (May 24, 2011 continued)

2011-06-05T19:12:00.001-07:00

OH YEAH! I forgot to tell you - Every companionship at Temple Square is now carrying a Bible and a Book of Mormon around! Something I started and President made official. The sisters have all been so excited about it, writing it in their letters to the President and cheering when I announced it in front of the whole mission. Oh man, so fun. Feel like I've left my mark.

What the 6 weeks? (May 24, 2011)

2011-05-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

Woah. The world may not have ended quite yet but my mission is sure headed that direction. I mean, what is 6 weeks to 18 months right? (Sean and Linea - do not feel obligated to actually give me the mathematical response. It's really just rhetorical). I have constant butterflies in my stomach, albeit a sustainable amount - kind of like when you've finally hit June in the school year calendar. The end is most definitely nigh.

And not much changes for me this next transfer - or at least not on paper.

I don't feel like there's much for an email here, though many things to say in person. I was so excited to write you all and now I'm just drawing a blank.

I feel a little broken with invisible hands holding me together. I feel called to support my companion who carries the pressure of the watch of not only the Church, but her country as she represents Jordan alone here on Temple Square and in nearly all the world. I don't know how to help her all the time and I know most of it is beyond my ability. I guess in a way I'm just keeping to myself, riding a low profile for the rest of the time I'm here for.

The work is good. Claire continues to share it with her family and has a baptismal date now. Maybe I'll meet her someday - I just love her. We've been teaching a lot of old, retired couples and tour groups on the Square, and mostly college-age over the phone and online. With both we've seen legitimate miracles and have felt the Spirit of God testifying through our tired bodies that these things we are sharing are true, and crucially important. I am a witness that no matter the situation, the message of the Restored Gospel improves the quality of lives; it taps people into a deeper source of the Savior than otherwise available. Recovery is such a big part of His plan.

We're teaching someone in Chile now, her name is Aida. Probably around half of our investigators are Spanish-speaking and I really don't understand Spanish that well. Actually a lot of them live within Rachael Holland's mission. I want to write her and find out if she could teach any of them there in New Mexico. I just love them. They're so patient with me and are excited about the teachings like the kids in India with bubbles. I love it.

So besides Chile and New Mexico, we've taught a lot of people from England that have been a charming lot. We're also teaching people in Mexico (well, kind of. Fransisco is rarely home) and all over the United States.

I went and talked with President Holmes. He told me to go home and sleep every day. This is coming from a man whose motto (well, he has dozens) is "Don't complain loud enough for the pioneers to hear you."

One of the sisters from Temple Square came back from serving in Louisiana with a crush on Dreyson. People on the Square have told me he's among one of the strongest missionaries they've seen. Thought that was all pretty funny/good to hear.

take care

Tamarra

Hey there (May 17, 2011)

2011-05-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

Hey there fam bam,

Not a whole lot of time to report and less time to do it in. I was catching up on emailing people pixs. Now it's time to go! Just want you to know I'm alive and well and we're teaching soooo many wonderful people searching for more in their lives. What's up with that, right?

Love,

Time for a few pictures (May 10, 2011)

2011-05-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Family of Mine,

The work is going incredibly well. Everyone we talk to wants to learn more - I guess that's a result again of that "coming to you" phenomenon. Three entire families are now meeting with missionaries and are in love with the whole experience. Some of them are so excited they're calling up family members to tell them to get involved (that last sentence kind of makes it sound like a diet program and not a religion). Claire, the young mother, told us that ever since she's started praying she's seen progress she was hoping for among her children and felt added help in her parenting. Isn't that incredible? I mean, as a concept it's lovely, but as a reality, when you're hearing Claire tell you about it all, the whole thing overwhelms you and you know like you've never known before that there is a God.

We ran into a group of senators from Ghana and gave them a tour. They all referred, including the one considering running for president. They were a fun bunch with firm handshakes, a ready smile for the camera, and excellent questions.

Besides that, how about some pictures? Let's be honest, those are more fun anyways. I'm rather embarrassed by the fact that Sister Elias and I haven't taken any yet...neither of us are the kind of girl to have the camera ready. It'll happen.

I haven't taken any since Georgia...so that's what you're getting. The first one is on the steps of the UGA library, and the other the iconic arch, the second most important mascot right after the bulldog. It's a cursed arch. If you walk under it, you will not graduate. In all seriousness, we could not get this one kid Daniel to go through it. He said even if people did graduate after walking through it, they would suffer strange illnesses - in some cases women who said to go barren. I guess I know if I get a third world disease or remain childless I know to blame it on the UGA arch, right?

Love you all.

Tamarra

Report from Temple Square (May 3, 2011)

2011-05-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Fam,

How's it going? I DID get the letter you orchestrated, Dad. You are one awesome Dad. (Does that count as giving you credit?;) But in all seriousness, it was great to receive.

I feel like as I work day in and out there's finally a light at the end of the tunnel! I'm a marathon runner on the last mile, a waitress completing the last bill for the night...

Snapping back.

This week was epic. Temple Square is officially like working at the HQ of the world's missionary efforts, and we're the ones with the world maps (literally) directing the troops on the ground (also literal). This week we helped 8 different people/families get in touch with their local missionaries; the joy they've felt and in turn we have felt in the process is sublime. Claire is a 22 year old mother of two tired of churches giving her different answers to the same questions - sometimes even within the same denomination. At first I think she was a little skeptical when I called her (on behalf of her friend who' a member of the Church), like "Oh here comes another minister trying to save me," but as we talked she began to feel happier and happier. I only know this because she told me so, every time we talked.

Sister Elias and I called her to teach her one day while she was preparing for a tornado fifteen minutes out.

"I'm just hiding in the closet with my babies," she told us.

"We can go," we told her.

"No, you can teach me."

Yep. In a tornado. We taught her how to pray right then and there with cautionary warnings from newscasters going on in the background.

A few days later we called her and she was safe and bubbling over with news for us. "I got my answer!" she told us. "I prayed to God to send me someone I could talk to in person about all of this and the next day the missionaries called! I'm going to church with them tomorrow."

Sister Elias and I just had to shake our heads - the local missionaries NEVER get on the scene that fast. In fact, the only other time I'd had missionaries react that fast was with Mai.

Mai is someone who came online asking questions about our faith. She was not happy where she was at - her whole family wasn't. We chatted with her and assured her that we would try to help. She sent us her address, we sent it to the local missionaries, and the second time we called to teach her the missionaries were walking through the door in that very moment, FOR THEIR SECOND MEETING.

"Do you want to talk to them?" she asked.

I said yes explained to the surprised elder that I was a sister at Temple Square and wanted to thank them personally for getting there so quick. I think he appreciated that, though never as much as Sister Elias and I did, and probably Mai and her family who are now all being taught.

The Square itself is a little slow. The flowers are amazing, Mom; I wish you could see them. One day we'll come back and take the garden tour together. It's also been snowing - slightly depressing after coming back from Georgia three week ago with a tan. Speaking of which, thanks for reading my mail and letting me know it was upbeat, Dad. Ha, glad to know Elder Hayes knows I served in his home mission.

Anyways, the weather. Yeah, it keeps people away, though crowds are starting to come. When it's slow, though, and there are more missionaries than sisters, Sister Elias and I stow away to the mission office to do research for a project we're working on for President. I started having this inkling that I ought to start carrying around a Bible on the Square instead of a Book of Mormon. I told President Holmes and he loved the idea and set us to work doing all kinds of research. The result was a five-page document comparing the strengths and the overlap between the Bible and Book of Mormon. We emailed it to President today and he's going to send it "upstream" as he put it. I don't know who exactly he's sending it to, but the general "Brethren". The whole thing has deepened my appreciation for an open canon. The Bible and the Book of Mormon are Ying and Yang - they're perfect compliments I realized studying them like that. One of the examples we came up with is how wonderful the Bible is at demonstrating the result of faith, especially in the ministry of Christ as every time He heals someone He will carefully clarify that it was through their faith that the miracle occurred. The Book of Mormon, on the other hand, does a really good job, especially in Alma 32:21-46, of offering an instruction manual in building faith. Both, I realized, work together seamlessly in shaping my spirituality.

Thanks for the prayers that have seen me through. All of you are in mine all the time, almost to the point of what one may call vain repetitions. I figure God gets it, He don't mind.

Sean, hope you know I'm getting in shape just to take you down to China town, you know what I'm saying? Basketball, running, wrestling, Nintendo...the whole enchilada. Just thought you'd want a heads up and a head start ;)

Miss you all. With all of me. Not seeing your faces and being around you all for holidays keeps a part of me from thriving. I guess that's life - different blessings and challenges with every circumstance. You can't have the trees and the flowers without the rain.

Well enough nostalgia and chessey proverbs. Let me know how you're all doing. I am especially excited to meet Ms Harper. I haven't seen a picture of her, still. Is she like an ugly baby? It's a joke (as my companion is constantly saying, also calling sunglasses sunny glasses - too endearing to correct. Oh yeah, and we're totally teaching in Arabic and I'm shocked by how much I understand, though she usually has to rephrase my sentences for better understanding, ha. It's cool, I just feel like the luckiest Temple Square missionary there ever was).

See ya on the flip side.

- Tammy K

The Post Easter Edition (April 26, 2011)

2011-05-15T13:57:00.000-07:00

So the synthesis of what I read is this:

Don’t get chunky, trunky (that’s what Chris really said, Mikaela – ha, it means homesick), or weird.

Let’s address these concerns:

A) Well, I lost weight recently and am probably smaller than when I left.

B) Making the most of every day and knowing that the end is nigh is actually a great resource for added strength.

C) Well, I never felt like I really became a missionary. I desperately miss my first name, can’t wait to wear my $4 skinny jeans from Urban Outfitters, and feel starved for worldly conversations (celebrity gossip, anyone? Has Kate picked out her dress yet?). Hopefully that passes a few tests.

In the meantime, however, Sister Elias and I are heightening the fun factor that can be dug up when you’re at a visitor center and no one’s around. Found some new secret doors and passageways, finally resolved my question of “What candy IS that in that glass jar?” in the kitchen scene of God’s Plan when I climbed into the set to check (sour gummy worms, of all things. Stale sour gummy worms), and occupied the huge theater on the bottom floor to watch a few of our favorite “Mormon Messages” on the big screen.

As far as WORK goes, everything is moving very strongly and steadily along. We’ve had very interested and inspired people walk into our path both on the Square, calling members’ friends, and teaching online. We’re teaching people in three languages – English, Spanish, and Hungarian. No, that’s a lie. No Hungarian, but we are teaching Bassam, a Christian store owner in California, in Arabic.

Let’s zoom in a little and focus on experiences:

Gary is probably in his late fifties and came in all his cowboy Texan glory to Temple Square while he was in town on business. When we called him last night (oops, 930 PM his time) he was so excited to talk again. “God just spoke to me, I mean, you two were speaking, but God was, too, and he told me it’s time to go back to church.” We told him to pray about trying out the LDS church and he agreed to, also to watch the Restoration video online. Whatever happens, we helped him tap into the divine that much more.

THANK YOU for the packages! Two of them! I wore the skirt Sunday and love it – so chic. The shoes came today and they’re perfect. The blouse I was going to wear Sunday but I couldn’t because I have to wear a suit jacket to Church and I couldn’t fit both, but I have a plan to wear it very soon because it’s beautiful. Thank you, really, for the time you took out to pick those out and package them and send them. It means a lot.

Easter was just another day on the Square with one exception – I gave a talk. Giving a talk in Sacrament meeting means you’re on your death bed as far as the mission goes. You only give one and you give it at the end of your mission. Being up there was slightly surreal. I felt really good about what I said, I wanted to share it with you all because it is my testimony of late, and especially around this time of year.

So it starts like this…

Two thousand years ago, a broken heart healed, molecules re-knit, Spirit entered Body, and Christ rose. And when He ascended into heaven to regain His Father’s presence, his body did not dissolve nor evaporate. His physical and perfected body went to a physical kingdom unseen by human eyes. There He received all the Father had for He had been obedient to all the Father gave Him to do.

Several Easter ago I stood not far from where He rose and watched the sun rise to illuminate an aching world. I could see the signs of human suffering as I looked out through the horizon. I felt hurt and helpless – who could bring peace to this place and this people that I loved? I then thought about the small, broken piece of bread I had just partaken of and thought, He can (funny how broken bread can make the human soul whole).

There is hope, even hope eternal. A man who lived thousands of years before Christ watched the complete deteriation of his civilization and still had the hope to issue the following:

Whoso believeth in God might with a surety hope for a better world, yea even a place at the right hand of God, which hope maketh an anchor to the souls of man” (Ether 12:6).

How do we obtain this hope? As the prophet Ether says, this hope is a blessing ot those who believe in God. A belief so deep as to override all evidence that Satan is winning or already won, is a direct result of those who have gained experience through obedience that the Lord is in charge.

In John 15, the beloved apostle records the Savior of all as saying, “Abide in me and I in you,” the promise being, “he that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit.” Is not this our work and our glory as workers in the vineyard, to bring forth much fruit? Then what does it mean to abide in Him? The answer is quick to follow: “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love.” The promise then is that our fruit will remain.

God is not a master with a bullwhip, nor is He a fickle father hoarding his treasures for those of His children who are nigh unto perfect. Rather, the scriptures and personal experience overwhelmingly suggest that He is much more prone to spoil us than leave us wanting. Only He cannot bless us except we authorize His giving hand through our own decision-making. Such was true for the Only Begotten as much as it is for me and you.

God’s laws are not arbitrary tasks set forth by a picky God, but they are better understood as eternal truths concerning the nature of God and Godhood. God does not create laws any more than Newton created gravity; rather, He gives them to us one by one based on our obedience to that which is already revealed.

So what is the daily application of all of this? Well, hopefully the Spirit has whispered at least one answer while you have sat listening, but may I suggest a few that came into my mind.

1 – Do not allow yourself to be burdened by your imperfections. Do not ignore the grace of God. Change a behavior and change it as quickly as you can, but do not ever think that you do not deserve any blessings one day because you woke up late. The fact that you woke up at all and gave the Lord one more day is worthy of angelic choruses.

2 - I’ve found that as leaders – and I’ve made this mistake many times – we ask people to be obedient to that which ought to be suggestion. We often assume what will work for us is best for all and when we require others to be obedient to our personal bias we can confuse true obedience to the laws of God versus the laws of man.

3 – Let us recommit today to set our goals on becoming like the Savior with full honesty of heart – not burdened by His perfection. Then the day will come which began that first Easter morning when you and I will receive all the Father hath because we did all the Father gave us to do.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I love you all. And yes, Alia, the odds were very small to have her as a companion. She’s such a little celebrity being the first sister missionary and we have fun with it.

Happy Birthday, Elliot!

Miss you all. See you soon.

- Tamarra

Marhaba! (April 19, 2011)

2011-05-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

Marhaba Intum!!!

Guess. What.

(Alia got a little clue with the beginning).

No, really. Guesss.....

MY COMPANION IS SISTER ELIAS FROM JORDAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hamdilallah.

We're already teaching Arabs in Jordan and through the world. My Arabic is SKYROCKETING. We have the same sense of humor and see missionary work in the very same way: All we care about is helping others to feel the Spirit and grow closer to that source. Now I know, with all my heart, that God really does want me to be happy, not just grow and experience - He wants me to feel joy - something I knew that just finally took to heart.

Arriving to Temple Square was like putting on an old familiar pair of jeans. I found myself surprisingly relieved to be surrounded by international missionaries once again (I couldn't find a missionary in Georgia that wasn't from Utah, Idaho, Arizona or Hawaii). First task once back on the ground was introducing Wal-Mart to an Armenian and Austrian sister who had arrived at Temple Square for their first time that very day I came back. The experience was endearing, especially when it came to breaking down the science of the feminine hygiene aisle to the wide-eyed Europeans.

Back in the apartment I couldn't sit still and even though I wasn't due to the Square until the next day I went with Sister Elias and was overwhelmed to see so many sisters. I love these girls! They're so impressive - a different breed that I now know can't be found anywhere else, in no other mission. And either Temple Square became just that much more stylin since I left or I really became that desensitized to ankle-length skirts.

Back on the computers I made a phone call to an member that was struggling with his testimony and it was beautiful and spirit-charged. I just melted back into the world of online teaching and tour-giving which, I was surprised to realize, came as a relief to me. I just never liked approaching people in their daily lives and preaching to them; I much rather prefer they come to me with questions. Needless to say, I appreciate that aspect of Temple Square so much more.

Oh so many good experiences. So many coming to learn more. The quality of investigator here is on average so much higher because these are people who in the first place took the inital step to contact US. Fabulous. And a little more classy.

I miss those I left behind who I will not be able to teach any further. I am going to miss watching people progress over a long period of time. I haven't completely forgotten my love for Georgia, ya'll ;) But like I said, familiar pair of jeans. Sister Harmer, Crandell, Weisner, Rathgeber, McWhorter, Sundaram...all back in my life.

Alright, got to run. Love you all and can't wait to see you! Please let me know how you are all doing! I didn't get any news this week and I just wanted to make sure all is well back on the homefront. And speaking of home, I found a card in my mailbox when I arrived with Katilin Woodard's name on it and friends and relatives to call. I did and we're teaching one of them now!

Sincerely,

Tamarra

My Last Day in Georgia (April 12, 2011)

2011-05-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

Hey FamBam.

You're a blog warrior, Alia. I can't believe you went through all of that to get my blog up and running again. 2002 unread emails, huh? I'll have to apologize to Barack and Joe when I get back for being such a terrible pen pal.

No worries, Mom, about coming out. October was wonderful and needful and I am so excited to see everyone together IN THE SAME PLACE in Nantucket. I'll tell you what, I am city-starved. Funny, huh? It's been a long time since I've gone this long without being in New York and a big and growing part of me is growing restless for some yellow taxi cabs, socially accepted jay walking, and Levain's cookies.

But you're right. Head in the game.

This week was a fun one. I said goodbye to my Athens friends - UGA students, homeless and pschysophrinics alike. As I did I faced real disappointment and genuine pain at separation and not just on my side. I appreciated that, appreciated that I would be missed. I guess as human beings that's one of those meager measure sticks we have for our success as a person.

Our last day in downtown Athens we were walking along until we ran into one of the girls we were teaching who disappeared after she was kicked out/left home. She was sitting on the bench generally accepted as reserved for the local homeless. I had never seen her wear a beanie before and nor was it cold, but there she sat with one on her head and for a split second hiding her identity from us.

"Sister Kemsley? Sister Coleman?"

"JONI!"

She ran into our arms and hid her small frame in our arms.

There on the curb and bench we sat with her and her homeless friends and taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Joni, a member herself, helped, teaching the story of Joseph Smith and doing so in great detail.

The man who called himself her body guard had tattoos and holes in his teeth from crack use but assured us he found God a few years back and wasn't his tattoos anymore. And maybe he wasn't lying, because even though Joni had obvious marks of abuse from the streets maybe it came after he came on scene or when he couldn't be there - as we told him the story of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, he kept saying, "You know, I don't know why but it all makes sense."

We sat there for about an hour while members of Athens upper class and those from my usual demographic filed past us with looks of disapproval sat on their pretty faces.

As we turned and began to walk away after more embraces I paused and turned back around. Out of my wallet I took the ten dollars I'd been saving to pay fast offering with. "Don't by cigarettes with it, Joni." Even if she did, it was hers. Maybe I thought it would save her from one more of her suspiciously placed bruises.

And to think it all started by falling in love with the wrong person. How many does Joni symbolize?

Working at the Temple Openhouse has been a stressful affair with occasional very worthwhile moments, like seeing the Tizsais. Did you get that picture, Dad? Yesterday was a funny day for that. I was relieved when we escaped and jumped into sweats and went for a hike.

Sister Scott from Gilbert, AZ and I hiked to the famous (infamous?) Stone Mountain upon which the figures of the would-be Confederate Presidency are honored. No wonder the KKK picked it for it's official meeting place. To be honest, Sister Scott and I weren't really sure how we felt climbing the massive granite rock. We relaxed a little though when we ran into some fellow hikers that were themselves Black. The memorial to Confederate soldiers was just a little much for me when compounded with monuments to each of the states that seceded. Hmmm.

Welcome to Georgia.

Well, that's it for Sister Kemsley in the Southeast - tomorrow I get on a plane and wend my way back to Salt Lake.

Take care all. Sorry for the sudden end but I'm getting pressure to run.

- Sister Kemsley

PS - yeah, I don't have Gma Killpack's email. Can someone send it my way?

I've never been so happy for a Spring Break to end (March 21, 2011)

2011-04-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

I feel like everyone's always sick!

Yes, you can send me anything as I"ll be here for the next 3 weeks. No worries there!

The address is:
Georgia Atlanta North Mission
1150 Cole Drive SW
Lilburn, GA
30047

I'm so excited to read your poem, Joshua!

So when I saw the Watkins over Christmas time at Temple Square they told me they had been called as mission presidents. I was reading the Church News at the Institute building (what a terrible word, honestly. We just call it "Institute") and saw they've been called to be mission presidents for San Jose, CA. Wild, huh? I just wrote Annie a letter today to see how she's doing.

Yep, you talked to Sweet Bete. And yes, she really does go by Sweet Bete - it's hard for me to leave about the "Sweet" at this point. Love her. I sure hope you're right, mom, about the whole reason why I have been moved around so much in my mission. I laid it out the other day and I've had 13 companions in 11 transfers! That's counting the MTC. It will be interesting to see who I'm with when I get back to Temple Square. Most sisters coming back from outbound train right away, mostly as a means of getting their head back in the visitor center game again. I wonder...

Thanks so much Linea for finding me a place to live! I'm so sad Grace never responded! I was so so excited to live with someone I knew. Oh well, I guess I'm used to change anyways. It will be good to have you nearby, chica.

Really, not too much to report. I mean, everyone's been gone. We've done a lot of service, to be honest. I mowed our branch president's lawn - it took an hour, but I did it. Actually kind of missed that whole trimming experience. There weren't even cars moving down the streets of Athens and we could walk down the middle of the street most of the time if we wanted to.

Meghan fell through. She talked herself out of the whole thing, said she does that to herself a lot. Ultimately she knew there were life changes that would probably follow that she wasn't ready for. That's probably the number one or two reason people stop looking into the church. Like one man told me, "But Buddha doesn't make me stop smoking or drinking." Sister Coleman is a very thoughtful and thought-provoking companion and has a very effective way of putting things, which is greaaattt to have in a teaching companion. Yesterday she said something along the lines of, "Satan's smart. He's really smart. He can convince people that a cup of coffee every morning with breakfast is worth their exaltation." This wasn't entirely the case with Meghan, that's not what I'm saying, but it is true that people find the most interesting intellectual arguments to get out of changing their obviously detrimental lifestyle in exchange for a greater measure of the Spirit of God and purpose in life.

Mostly we spent this week raking leaves and walking downtown Athens, which is nearly entirely bars. We had several interesting experiences, including a man - Michael - who draws with his mouth since he lost his arms when he was electrocuted. A few aspiring musicians, a law students and grad students who equated leaving for Spring Break with academic suicide - these were all that inhabited the ghost town last week. Most of those conversations tended to lean heavily in the realm of severely abstract.

President and Sister King are both very jazzed about the fact that their son has moved into the same building as my two older sisters and I guess they'll be around in early July. They're great, you should meet them.

Alright. Well, I've got to figure out my class schedule. Strange? Yes. And no. I can't decide.

See you soon!

Sister Kemsley

A Miracle a Day (March 14, 2011)

2011-03-21T14:40:00.000-07:00

Hello beautiful family,

Hm not a lot going on this week or too much to write. Note: Any letters you write/have written are forwarded to me in the wonderful world of Georgia.

Glad to hear we really are number one - wouldn't want to go around spreading any false teachings.

Wow, so how about that earthquake in Japan? This is the first world event I've heard about in real time because Sister Coleman, my political science major companion, has certain members of the branch relaying news to her. Funny, no? Anyways, about Japan. I can't believe how huge that earthquake was and my thoughts went immediately to all the Japanese friends I've developed on the mission - I've never had such a huge tie to that country. I would like to know what part of Japan it hit...the branch members couldn't remember...

This week has been a wonderful week of missionary work. We've had someone new to teach every. single. day. Oh my goodness and I'm obsessed with these people - so free minded and spirited so many of them. My favorite is Meghan. We met her on a street corner downtown Athens on a warm, Saturday afternoon. Music was falling out of storefronts and people and their dogs and ice cream cones swarmed the sidewalks. Meghan was sitting on the edge of a planter with a spiral bound. She was by herself and people tend to be nicer when they're by themselves, so I figured it was worth a shot.

She was as chill as she looked with her boy cut hair (a rattail in the back), skater shoes and tattoos - made room for us to sit down next to her. We sat in the afternoon sun for an hour as Meghan told us about her quest for a church, for truth, and people that would accept her spiritual side because none of her atheist skater friends weren't majorly open to talking to her about those kinds of things. She had the purest heart and the highest moral standards: She bore testimony to us about how important it was to avoid drugs, alcohol, and permiscuity in order to feel close with God!
She gave us her phone number and said she wanted to set up a time to meet but she needed to go get hand surgery that week and she didn't know when. She had been hit by a car in a hit-and-run while riding her bike a few years ago and the doctor who worked on it further complicated the situation.
I sat and thought for a second, "Should I tell her about priesthood blessings?"
I felt like I received a heavenly, "Why not?"
"Meghan, this might sound funny, but you know how we talked about that power of God restored to man? That's the same power Christ used to heal the sick and perform miracles and it's back; every man in our faith can trace his authority back to Christ. Now as women we have our own divine power and capacities but what the men is has allows them to lay their hands on your head and give you a blessing before you go into surgery, and truthfully, I've heard of a lot of miracles that resulted from that kind of blessing."
Meghan half-smiled to herself. "That's funny, because honestly I had an appointment set for Tuesday but I just felt like I had to change it and I didn't know why. I mean, I felt so bad about it I almost felt sick to my stomach, just felt like there was something I had to do first. Maybe this is it."
The blessing is set for Wednesday.

There have been a lot of others. Yesterday we sat on a bench with a man named Amir on a totally evacuated campus as the Persian PhD student remarked how funny it was we showed up because he was really looking for how to align his scientific and spiritual sides of him. "I'm looking for truth," he told us.

Bobby is a freshman and also looking to find out if spirituality can coincide with science. We gave him a Book of Mormon and met with him, teaching him how to pray. I've rarely heard such a simple, sincere prayer, and one that echoed a Lamanite king as he asked in his prayer if He, God, was even there and real. He, like all the people we're teaching, is out of town on Spring Break so I texted him and asked him if he had any questions about the Book of Mormon. The response: Nope, I think I found God!

I've had to come to a difficult realization: I much prefer this kind of missionary work to a visitor center. I loved many of my moments at Temple Square, but it's not like this. You know how I am with relationships - they're my oxygen! To be friends with these people, to watch them change and become "new creatures", as the scriptures say, in Christ is such a miracle, like the birth of a child and the silent, steady progression seen in nature. It's breathtaking and I love it. It's fuel to my own soul and testimony. But then so were the miracles I saw daily at Temple Square - all nations flowing unto it to hear the message of the Restored Gospel though it might have just been a surprise stop on an extra long lay-over. I understand so much more why so many sisters come back from outbound almost too depressed to work. So, as it turns out, it's not about us, but about where we're needed most. Hello, Life.

Speaking of life, Spring is beginning to show it's face here in Athens, Georgia. We've had 70-80 degree weather and sunshine and budding trees. As usual, my own self is following suit and I can feel myself finding more and more purpose is living (sounds dramatic, don't it?). I really feel like I want to be here, doing this Earth thing again. I have my relapses, but overall there's been some serious healing for which I am most of all grateful for. I will never live north of the Mason-Dixie line if I can help it. New York City is an exception, yes.

Love you all so so much. I can't wait until I can see you all again and we can go to a park and play Frisbee and make cultural-political jokes and Nintendo references. Can't wait to size up you, Caleb and Josh, and see how tall you've become. And to play some two-on-two, Sean. I had the funniest dream, Mikaela, that I was driving you to a piano appointment and we had to switch from a truck to horses because the roads got too rural. But in the mean time, don't ya'll worry, I'm focused ;) (no, but really I am).

Most sincerely,

Tamarra Nicole

Missionary work and the No. 1 party school in the nation (March 8, 2011)

2011-03-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

Hey Fam,

I don't know what it was, sheesh. I just suddenly couldn't even sit up in bed I was so tired. I had a fever for like half a day but for the most part it was just the inability to move. "I feel your body has a hard time keeping up with your spirits," said one elder. Sometimes I sure feel that way.

Anyways, I'm back in the game - little loss as I was sick on Pday. And guess where I am...University of Georgia. I may never understand why so much change took place in my mission - I dare say I can rival any other missionary for the most change. It was really hard saying good bye to the people of Dahlonega. Though the rural setting unsettled me in a lot of ways (I'm officially a city girl), their simplicity was beautiful and I came to feel like those three girls - Baylee, Holly and Alyssa - were my little sisters. It felt a little like leaving India. Actually, I think we were all having some parallel experiences that whole time.

Here at UGA there are about 45000 students total and we're having a ball. Students are a naturally explorative group and tend to collect those seeking out identity, and therefore is ideal to sharing the message. I am so grateful for the awesome members of the University Branch that are hip-hip-hooray about sharing the work with their friends. We actually met, Dad, a Thai girl and for whatever reason I knew she was Thai and talked about Thailand before she told me. It was a pretty cool moment and I hope we end up teaching her (we just have her phone number now).

I've been here not even a week, but overall the people we find to teach are wonderfully diverse in all aspects. Actually, one guy we are going to teach comes from the denomination created out of the Mormons that didn't leave Missouri. I'm like, hey! Now you don't even have to migrate to believe in what your ancestors believed in! He reads The Book of Mormon, has a testimony of Joseph Smith, but when we asked him about living prophets he went, "Wait, what?" This should be interesting.

My companion is a 29 year old Utah native who recently graduated from George Washington University with an undergrad in Political Science and is working on several novels that base themselves in Jewish and American folklore. Or, at least she was before the mission. Sister Coleman's a very diligent researcher of her faith and I appreciate her both depth and width of understanding regarding it. This helps most often in teaching. It's nice not to hear comparisons to the Gospel and chocolate cake anymore and how finding out that cake is good is just like finding out the message we're sharing is true. I don't know who started that one in the missionary world but I hereby announce myself against.

Good to hear that you're all back at home safely. Any of the major flooding affecting anyone? Glad to hear Caleb went native. Good job, Cab. Thanks for your fasts and prayers, and to my older sisters I'm sorry to hear things are hard on your ends. What's up??

Love you all.

Sister Tammy K

About Alberto (February 28, 2011)

2011-03-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

We found one! Someone looking for us, and by us I mean the message we share. His name is Alberto and he is the maintenance man for all of Dahlonega for all I can tell. He came to fix our window and felt something different, as he later told us. The feeling was enough to tell us truthfully where he lived and when we saw him fixing a road the other day he told us when we could come by.

We knocked loud on his double-wide trailer as we were competing with blasting mariachi music. ("This music always makes me feel hungry," says Sister Busch, "because I think I'm in a Mexican restaurant. A modern day Pavlov experience). Alberto welcomed us in and we talked while he cooked for his son coming home from Florida.

It was one of THOSE stories - you know, the ones that people always tell over the pulpit that tell of someone saying "I just felt like I needed to talk to these missionaries" and ends in "and I was baptized two weeks later." I think sometimes we shut off when we hear those stories because we hear them so often, which is a testament in and of itself. Sitting there and listening to Alberto talk, it was like he was reading from a script it was all so perfect. But there is no script. Though as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we may hear those lines so often, the person uttering them never has. They have no idea they're giving the same reason thousands others have as to why they were listening to us missionaries - that feeling that they needed to, that there was something different, that the very fact they were was surprising to themselves. After all the struggles against smoking and fear of The Book of Mormon and misconceptions and serious health problems preventing the people we teach from going to Church, here was Alberto dying to go and nothing holding him back.

As it turns out, I won't be able to teach him. I'm being transferred and right now I'm admittedly really upset. New adventures and people await and I'm trying to focus on that, but the faces of the people I've grown to love and strive with daily sort of make me ache to leave. The members of the Church here have worked with us every day to make sure we have rides, that we're fed, and have daily come out to teach with us. They've done everything for us they would have done for their own son and daughter. The sacrifice I've seen from them has changed me and helped me know more the kind of person I want to be. It's hard to leave them.

I'm so sad to leave little Baylee and Holly! Probably in a similar way to how you all will feel leaving those Indian kiddos behind. And Barbara, my Norwegian grandmother. I love her and will forever and if I can ever afford it in the next decade to do anything more than just survive, I will make a point of coming back to see her so we can eat goat cheese and take care of donkeys and talk intellectually about religion all the day long.

I don't know where I'm going or who I'll be with. Either way it's just for 6 more weeks and I'm back at Temple Square. Ha, I probably have the least consistent mission experience ever. Every transfer a new companion, apartment, area, zone, district, and occasionally state.

I love hearing about Elliot and how he's growing up. Show him pictures of me so he's not totally clueless when I get back! Which isn't too far off, any more. This week is my 10th transfer out of 12. I remember when I started the mission and when a sister would say she was in her 10th or higher thinking, "You're dead to me" as they would be gone in no time. Now I'm that girl.

Picture descriptions:

1: Sean's Georgian twin. His family is in the Dahlonega Ward and though he doesn't like QUITE this Sean-like anymore, I noticed the resemblance even before I saw this picture hanging on their wall. At that point, the comparison was complete.

2: Monica on her baptism day! That girl did some really brave things to be baptized and I love her for it.

3: Me and my hero Barbara.

4: Peggy made purses for all of us after we picked out the material from Walmart. She took off her page from Etsy, but maybe one day she'll put it back up because she does such a good job.

5: Monica and the family we saw so often. They're great, and Jonah, the youngest, has the highest pitched voice and is constantly being coaxed to say "I'M SO FLUFFY I'M GUNNA DIE!" Which I've been told is from a movie called "Despicable Me". Hadn't heard of it, but regardless, it's so funny.

Well, that's the Dahlonega chapter, folks. On we go.

Tamarra

PS - Put up your profile on Mormon.org. No, really, you should.

Of Miracles and Mistakes (February 21, 2011)

2011-03-09T08:35:00.000-08:00

Well hello there, it's me again.

The public library is closed so I'm in the church that's, oh, 15 miles from our townhouse in the middle of downtown Dahlonega - complete with fudge and antique stores. Downtwon Dahlonega is the kind of place that people drive miles to pad around from antique shop to fudge house. Most finally settle with an ice cream cone eaten on a iron bench sharing licks with their dogs or kids. On Sunday afternoons when it's bright and sunny we like to go around and talk to people. They amuse us and treat us with good Southern hospitality, and a few of them are really sincere in their questions. I guess that's "going downtown" missionary style - copies of the Book of Mormon and the new snazzy pass along cards in tow.

The weather's been short sleeve kind of weather, which has awoken me to the fact that I only have 2 short sleeves. That's alright, the thrift store we volunteer at every week sells clothes for $2-3 and I have my eyes on a few of them until I feel like I can afford it.

We taught Stanley outside his trailer this time. We all sat on benches outside the back which hits right into a wooded area that just looks a lot like Connecticut. We sat there on a quiet Thursday afternoon talking about hope and why we should have it even when we just with God would take us into His presence. The poor man misses his late wife with every shallow breath he takes. He wears her wedding rings around his neck tied to a black string. His body is falling apart under smoking, coffee, diabetes, and a staff infection of the permanent kind. But we taught him about hope, that it can hold out against anything that life can deal us. We explained why baptism is such an important step for that and if he stops smoking in time that should come around mid-March.

We sat with Dawn in her dimly-lit trailer and heard out her complaints (we often do). This time they were made more egregious due to her loss of power. I'm just really grateful it didn't happen until the weather warmed up. We made huge progress with helping her to understand hope, too. She was out of it. We asked her what she thought she was even here for and she said, quite seriously though with a chuckle/cough that she could only think she was here to for the amusement of a God who liked to see how much she could take. We've been teaching her for a while with little progress. That afternoon something internal and invisible shifted. The Spirit found it's way through the cracked window of the trailer to settle on us as we explained the reason for sorrow and pain. I find that in relating to these people my depression is key. We speak the same language, as they say. As we spoke God brought what we said unto her heart, and she welcomed it in. I felt like we were on some kind of spiritual rescue team applying pressure to open wounds that had her fading fast on us. Only the funny thing about this sort of emergency care is that most of it is really in their hands. As missionaries we teach and invite and wait to see if they act.

Two days later Dawn did what we honestly only dreamed about - she walked into church, followed by little Baylee and Holly AND Lisa AND Alyssa. They all made it. It was so unbelievable that I saw them and thought, "Huh, that's funny, that looks like Lisa." Then the double take, "That IS Lisa!" And everyone else. There were others who didn't make it. We missed and sorrowed for them in a really personal and painful way. We humans, change is just so hard for us. But God waits on me, so I will for them. It just hurts to know I can't drag them to the feet of Christ but I know they want to be there and He wants them to be there. I can only do so much. Which makes me wonder if only for a milisecond, if God was tempted to follow Lucifer's plan. Probably not - He's got quite the headstart on me. But I wonder sometimes.

Every one go online and look up on Etsy.com purses by "WhiteCherokee". That's Peggy and I love her. She's saving up money for teeth and sits there and makes cute purses all day so I introduced her to the site. She's a doll - you wouldn't believe her laugh. And Daniel, her Romanian parasitic roommate that says "Amen to that" regardless of the statement made, might get baptized next month. He knows it's probably true but he's not one for structure. And let's be honest, there's a lot of structure in the restored Church. Necessary? Yes. Plentiful? Yes yes.

As for the others: Monica is still smoke free and on her way to baptism this Saturday! Karen: was quite intoxicated when we arrived so we had to postpone this week's meeting. It was hard to tell at first because her personality is very free-flowing anyways. Finally I asked, "Are you drunk, Karen?" To which she replied, "Absolutely!" She then proceeded to tell me I was too intense of a person.

Fair thee well.

Tamarra Nicole
Daniel the Romanian's birthday bash.

Quote of the day: "How long it take you to bake the cake?"

Sis. Reynolds: "About one hour."

Daniel: (Head nodding) "Amen to that"

Barbara's house. Barbara is my favorite Norwegian and, let's be honest, Georgian in all the world. Her son built this house for her after the classical Norwegian style. She almost came back to church. Almost.
The cake Sister Reynolds baked for an hour. And Daniel.
Zone activity: The Great Tie Exchange. It's for keeps - you exchange a tie and it's yours for forever. I really really wish I could see a mothers reaction to it all.

Spring is a Fickle Thing (February 14, 2011)

2011-02-19T13:17:00.001-08:00

Hello there.

Tammy K here.

So the work's going awesome. The ward we're working in is going to have 7 baptisms this month (there are, by the way, 7 of us missionaries assigned to this one ward - can you believe it?). We went to one last night for a couple who found the church when a ward member picked up the dad and asked if he needed a ride anywhere. He did - home. No car, nothing. Like most here they are struggling to survive, to have even the basics - food, water, shelter. Last night they were so subdued and touched by the Spirit, holding hands and all full of love as they sat with wet hair and their jeans having just been baptized. Their son Logan was a bit confused by it all, but I kept thinking, "You have no idea how thrilled you should be little buddy. Count this the best day of your 18 mo life."

Monica has totally kicked the cigarettes. She's a new person. I think of how Alma describes the effects of the Spirit in enlarging our understanding. When my companions first met her, it was like talking to a wall. She refused to respond in more than a word, if that. Everything's changed. She's talkative to everyone around her. Her ability to think in the abstract has increased, as has her ability to retain new information. It's not just that she's happier and laughs more, is more confident and beautiful, but her critical thinking skills have in fact improved and she notices it herself and will say, "Wow. I can't believe I just said that."
That's something I can't just reason away as anything but this is truth, truth and light, and enlightens the mind.

We're teaching some fantastically loony individuals, and I don't feel bad using that term because I think they would absolutely relish in it. Karen is from New Jersey and clings PROUDLY to her accent, which I love. Born and raised Catholic she's gone the mystic route in her later years. Little by little we share more and let it sit for a while before we add more. She always says it's things she already believes, and in some ways I think so, but in some ways she needs time to see the shifts there before we can move forward. We don't mind returning again and again - she's always there in her apartment puffing away and cooking things like vegetable lasagna (the smoke, we'll be honest, we don't love so much but the the lasagna yes).

Barbara is a wonderfully wizened old woman that lives by herself in a pasture surrounded by donkeys. She has a workshop where she weaves on archaic-looking machines - a shed that lets in all the natural light and wonder of the outside world. Her house, however, is the gemstone. Built by her son, it's designed to be Norwegian. There are hundreds of gnomes. Gnomes carved into her walls, sitting on counters, a stained-glass gnome - I had no idea gnomes were so important to the Norwegian people. Which is the thing. She's never lived in Norway. Still the flag ordains every wall and her bed (also built into the wall in Norwegian fashion) is covered with it. She also has an accent. I adore this woman and can't wait for our Thursday Book of Mormon book clubs to commence - complete with herbal tea.

Love you all.

The computer's about to shut off.

Tamarra

Another Week In the Life (February 7, 2011)

2011-02-19T13:16:00.000-08:00

I'm so so happy that Caleb and Josh are loving India, that you even caught Caleb sitting in the dirt eating rice and fried eggplant with his hands. Something tells me that Sean wouldn't be quite as down with that....

So cool that Kaitlin came! Sidenote to Kaitlin: Are you in your senior year now of high school? Who are your teachers? Have you applied to BYU or other schools? I hear you love India. Hard not to, huh? Do your parents love hearing about your adventures? Thanks for helping out my fam over there! I know they really appreciate it.

Josh and Caleb and Mikaela: What is your favorite part?

Mikaela, how's the Bangla coming? Caymun achu?? Bahlo achii?? Ha, that and tomar nomki? Is about all I remember - mildly depressing, no? Heard your blessing talks about languages. Nice.

I love you all! I really miss you now, for whatever reason. Hmm, I don't know why. But I do love what I'm doing and the people we're meeting and helping. I feel like I'm a full-time spiritual rescue agent in a place of massive carnage. Ironic, right? They're all so big about God and Jesus, but they don't understand His Gospel. This one woman sat there smoking on a bench in the center of town.
"I'm saved," she said and let a puff of air go. I look at these people and I think, saved or not, don't you think there's more happiness than this?

Lisa loves us. That's Alyssa's mom, the one that loved the Restoration video. She had a struggle with the Book of Mormon, the part where Nephi kills Laban, but worked through it with the Spirit and some insights we were able to share with her. She's full on board and wants to kick her smoking habit and be baptized. One step at a time.

Monica, too. She opened the door when we showed up: "I have good news. I'm going to quit smoking."

We were shoooocked. And psyched.

"I have better news."

"What..."

"I want to join the church."

We have a baptismal date for her, now and she hasn't smoked since we talked to her when I last talked to her yesterday.

Lindsay still learning more and more about the doctrines and culture of the Church and loving it. Still terrified - let me repeat, TERRIFIED of telling her parents. She's afraid even of losing all financial support. I thought about Judner, about how that happened to him and last I knew he was homeless. I don't think I'll go telling her that one...

Holly and Bailey came to church again. Right now, no one makes me happier than those two. I wish so much their mom would start caring about this message the way they do. If Dawn, their mom, doesn't come to church next week, that's it. We've agreed with ward members that we wouldn't make them drive them anymore. I wish that their growth in the Gospel wasn't reliant on them having to get rides. Holly even told me yesterday during sacrament meeting that she wanted to get baptized. I could see her growing so strong in the church, avoiding the pitfalls of her community where 12 year olds are known to get pregnant and the drop out rate is 30%. I could see her loving things like Girls' Camp. But what can we do until her mom supports them more in this effort?

Well, today's going to be a busy day. I wish so badly for just one day this month where I can sit down and write letters but it hasn't happened. Know that I still love you all!

- Tamarra

India (January 31, 2011)

2011-02-06T08:57:00.000-08:00

HALLELUJAH!

I had a nightmare last night that you all didn't make it to India. It was terrible. Just in the nick of time, huh? No such thing as coincidences. Okay, I don't necessarily think that's always true, but just saying I've been praying a lot for ya'll.

Yes, Dahlonega: 4,000 pop. 29% illiteracy rate. The college right next to our apartment hosts 7000, the majority of which go home for the weekends. It's a town fueled it seems by disability and social security payments. We're all becoming a little more world-traveled these days.

I wanted to go to Louisana for that same reason as you Dad, because I always hear about it from you, but at least we can smile about alligators and drawls now, right? And President and Sister King are so excited that their family is connected to mine just the way you described.

So I'm sitting in the Lumpkin County library, a small brick building with just one small floor of books and a few computers. There is a older man with a scruffy white beard and a camoflauge cap that's always sitting at the table in the room off to the side where I write you from. I finally asked him what he was doing, and as it turned out he's working on his Knight family line of geneology. We looked at family trees and sure enough, me and the scruffy man in the Dahlonega library are related through Jesse Knight. Kind of made the "Sister" part of my tag a little more literal in that moment.

I can't remember what I told you about who we're teaching last week, but I probably mentioned Monica. She's a rollercoaster of emotions, happier than she's ever been and not quite sure. We try to explain that living closer to God and learning more about her relationship with Him might have something to do with it but she's afraid to jump to that conclusion because she knows where it will lead: no more smoking. After her hard life I think those cigarettes having a calming affect the way a child's "blankie" might. It's hard to tell someone that their comfort place is keeping them from growing closer to God (not to mention causes cancer). So we're moving slowly and just helping her to feel loved. She's coming to church regularly and doing a lot of study on her own which keeps me from getting too worried about losing her. I think deep down she knows.

Lindsay is ready to get baptized still as soon as she tells her parents. This last time we taught her she said she prayed the whole 1.5 hr drive home for the strength and guidance in telling her Southern Baptist parents she wanted to be Mormon. As soon as she got home she got to work on a family history project for school. Her mom was helping her I guess because they were discussing patterns in their family line - a topic Lindsay had to write about.
"Well, religion is one," she said.
Her mom responded: "But you're going to change that, aren't you?"
Lindsay was shocked - she had no idea how her mother knew that. Put on the spot she could only reply, "Maybe, I don't know yet."
I think it's interesting that without saying anything to her parents even so much as to tell them she's reading The Book of Mormon, that ever time Lindsay goes home, her parents do something or say something that shows they're opening up to the concept. I think of the Spirit sort of kneading them like dough, loosening them up until they can be shaped in His hands.

We have several new people we're teaching as of this week, and most of them live in the same trailer park. One of them is named Adolfo. He doesn't speak any English but I've been able to teach him so far in Spanish. We taught him yesterday and he loved it. He kept laughing at the circumstance - these random three girls in his home talking to him about religion, but he also loved it. Sister Reynolds and Busch have this cup demonstration that rocks at clearly explaining the loss and restoration of the original Christian church. He loved it - knew it was true. At the end we read from 3 Nephi when Christ came to the ancient americas and it was such a tender and awesome feeling to say "See! He visited YOUR ancestors." At the end we asked him to pray. He was nervous but consented when I agreed to help. Just like you do with the little kids when they're learning, I would whisper the words and he would repeat after me: Nuestro Padre Celestial...
We're going back this weekend to see how his Book of Mormon reading is going so stay tuned...

Okay. So the really cool thing is that yesterday we had about 10 of the people we're teaching and working with show up at Church, including less active members if the congregation. It was beautiful and tender and I have come to such a deep appreciation for the victory in every person's decision and effort to get to church that day (especially if it's a 900 AM in Georgia - locals here are usually asleep if we go tracting before noon). Three of those were girls under the age of 14 who came even though their parents didn't.

Holly, Bailey, and Alyssa live in the said trailer park and are rays of sunshine in that place of dimly-lit, smoke-filled homes. Holly is 11 and Bailey 7 - their sisters and their mother Dawn let us come and teach them this week. We did the cup lesson and they loved it. Dawn agreed that there ought to be a prophet here on the earth today, believes there is (we still haven't discovered who she thinks that prophet is) and is fed up with religion because of all the corruption. But she likes us and has family that are members of the Church, and as soon as we asked them if they wanted to go to church the girls jumped up and immediately started trying on dresses they were so excited. Alyssa, the neighbor whose family we're also teaching, was there and also made plans to come with us. Dawn couldn't (wouldn't?) come but I was standing just inside the door when the three girls came walking in - dresses and shoes and Hannah Montana purses stocked with a copy of The Book of Mormon each. It was the best Sunday of my mission. I loved sitting next to the three and helping them with the hymns and explaining the sacrament because they were so excited about it all. I love those girls so much, and it breaks my heart that their clothes and seemingly their very skin is stained with the smell of tobacco. I hope I can do whatever I can to help them obtain the most direction and joy in their life as possible. I hope to help permanently connect them to the greatest source of truth.
Well, at the end of church they came running back to us saying things like "We got M&Ms!!" Alyssa was a little more hesitant but still plans on going next week. We taught her mom after church who, after watching "The Restoration" - the short version of the Joseph Smith movie, was suddenly taking us much more seriously. She finally honestly believed we weren't like the Jehovah's Witness. We started the Book of Mormon with her and she loves the way it corresponds with the Bible.

Our one struggle is a family with two kids where the mother is very ready and open, and the father keeps saying "The Book of Mormon gives me the willies!" They're very kind. They live in a BEAUTIFUL house with two incredibly cute little girls with blond curly hair and names like "Anna Grace". We don't know what to do, how to approach it. Do we prove ourselves using the Bible or just rely on The Book of Mormon to open the father's heart? Do we even try? Do we go easy or full speed ahead? Times like these I feel like it's all tremendously over my head.

Well, my dear family, that is all for now. I'm a lot a lot a lot a lot A LOT more happier than I was in those days before coming out here. I kind of hated my life (I know, a direct contradiction to my Mormon.org profile which we were all asked to put up). But change is a drug of its own, and the weather is getting warmer. I think yesterday it was in the upper 60s.

Really the question is this, after you caught the lizard, did you eat the lizard? ;) Just like alligator, right? Which I'm told has 7 different flavors if you cook it right.

Tell me everything about India! Good luck with Chandana.

Tamarra

Happy Sumos. Yum, sushi! (as in we're the sumos, not the place. Trust me there is NO Happy Sumos here. Actually, the sushi was really quite awful. But that's what you get for going Japanese in Dahlonega. Now that BBQ around here, that's a different story...)

Georgia: Connecticut's funny cousin (January 24, 2011)

2011-02-06T08:46:00.000-08:00

Hello fam,

Love you all. And a few of you asked so here's where you can send me mail until April 13th:

1150 Cole Dr SW

Lilburn, GA

30047

If you sent it to Salt Lake, it's okay - they'll forward it.

I realize you may be busy getting things in order to fly around the world to our other home, Santiniketan, so I'll understand if it's a while for a response. I'm still really jazzed to think of the Mikaela, Sean, Caleb and Josh living in the third world with and making friends with those amazing Indian kids. I hope you all don't get sick. Like, really hope. In fact, I'm praying hard core for you all. I mean not that I'm like somewhat worried or anything... Where are you all staying? That one bedroom, two bed, cottage I figure is a little on the small side. And oh man tell Bithika I love her lots and will see her again. I doubt the kids remember me, but let Madhu and Tutuki and Gonga know I miss them anyways.

I've now been in Georgia for five days or so and am already knee-deep in the work given there's so much to do. I was placed in the most rural part of the mission. When I arrived I thought, Mental Note: The store across the street sells alligator burgers and our neighbors have a Confederate flag lawn chair. In a lot of ways I felt like I was back in Connecticut what with the windy narrow roads, the overwhelming tree cover, houses spaced out from each other. Georgia, however, is not Connecticut. The Northeast claims its rural landscape with pride, and it's progressive culture with even more pride. I don't think many people here listen to NPR or are concerned with what JCrew is putting out. This is rural to the bone.

And....I'm serving with two sisters - Sister Reynolds and Sister Busch. Quite simply, they rock. I thought I would regret being in a group of three, thought I would just be another body and burden if anything. For whatever reason, this place seems to need all three of us. Sister Busch is very level-headed but new. Sister Reynolds is in her last few weeks so she's both seasoned and very kind with people. I guess that leaves me as the aggressive one in the group. No, it does. No guesses. Sometimes I have to back down and realize that this may be a "when in Rome" sort of thing - I'm not at Temple Square anymore, I'm in the Deep South. Life just moves differently here, a little more sluggish, with a hint of dream-like. People just live day in and day out without many changes in life, few having been very far beyond the town itself in very long if ever. On the other hand, it's pretty much the same work and everything I've been doing the last year still applies. And while Temple Square might over train sometimes, I think I came in with some good set of skills that have helped, i.e. obtaining referrals from members.

We spend a lot of time visiting the widows, the sick and the needy - many of them a compound in one. I often feel very helpless, and a little bit hopeless for some of the people's situations because they seem so overwhelming. What do you say to someone who's been smoking since she was 6? But I have hope in many things, namely the power of change contained in the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and I keep on keeping on. The presence of a power beyond my own, but carried by me, is omnipresent and I trust in that feeling. I have trusted in it while walking into the most hopeless places I've ever been. I pray, "Please, please help me to leave a print of love in this broken child's life".

There is reason to hope in people like Lindsey. She was Southern Baptist and was sure this Mormon thing was a bunch of boloney and possible cursed. But her boyfriend who was a member of it left on a mission and asked her to read the Book of Mormon. Maybe she was lonely for him or curiosity overcame her, but she put aside what she'd been taught, that it was a book of the devil, and opened it. "Please, God," she prayed, "give me a sign if this is something I should learn more about." God gave her signs, signs she said she couldn't deny. She requested missionaries off of Mormon.org and today, a few months later, knows it's true and therefore Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. She wants to be baptized by the restored authority. She's also paralyzed by her fear of telling her parents. Paralyzed. One step at a time.

And then there's Monica who's 30 but because of abusive relationships for much of her life is at the social development of someone about 16. She moved in with her brother when their dad died and decided she wanted to learn more through the missionaries. Still, she didn't react much, not until this last week. "I'm happy," she told a stunned Sister Busch and Reynolds. "What happened?" "I don't know, I just am." She's a bubble of joy, and so is their home, and the peace and the joy as we taught her that she is a daughter of God was almost tangible. She isn't quite sure, but she's almost sure that she wants to be baptized as well.

There are others and they are wonderful but the work is hard and there are many things that get in people's ways. Many don't have a cell phone, many don't have the health to go to church. Many more think we're even devil worshippers or Jehovah's Witness. One step at a time, no? I think of Brigham Young and how he investigated the Church for 2 years before joining, and went on to become a prophet of God. I guess I can give people a few more benefits of the doubt and time.

Love you all. See you on the flipside. And ya'll should put a profile up on Mormon.org.

Tamarra

PS - Pres. King is def your friend's dad. When I met him he had a text from his NY son about me coming. It was pretty funny. He's a great, down-to-earth guy and his wife is really cool, too. This world is just all too small.

I've been called on a mission. Again. (January 17, 2011)

2011-01-22T14:43:00.001-08:00

Georgia.

My feelings: Beautiful. And yes, I already checked the weather report and find it to be satisfactory.

I have always thought, for all my world traveling, I have yet to experience the Deep South. While not high on most tourists "Must See" list, I am daily noticing a growing schism between me and the typical traveler. I go not to see things, but a new way of living and thinking. Having grown up in the Northeast, I figure Atlanta, Georgia might be as foreign as they come.

I'm in a wonderful mood, which all began when I walked down the ramp from the Christus-carrying rotunda in the North Visitor Center to a certain Kara and Frank leaning up against the railing of the ramp. Kara turned as if cued, we broke into a grin, and then I broke into a run. I was having one of my most depressed days of the mission, and there they stood.

I felt utterly guiltless as we showed them around as we had 2 hours of weekly planning but only two days to plan for. We skipped it to be with them. Sister Lautaha, not the hugest stickler for reals herself, was 100% for it. I don't know about you, Kara and Frank, but I found the whole thing to be extremely entertaining. I loved showing them my favorite places and even my not so favorite but huge part of the mission (mentally insert missing hyphens because I'm too lazy) and watching their reactions. Like Kara and Frank clapping at the end of God's Plan and obsessing equally with me over the moldings on the celestial room of the Salt Lake Temple, viewed via a kiosk. I feel as though every family visit has been strategically planned - Alia there in the beginning when I felt like a failure, Mom/Dad/Linea in the crucial middle mark (and almost to the day, with that), and Frank and Kara there almost to the day of my year mark. They were a good reminder that six months is not a long time, and to do whatever I need to remain sane. Their practicality stood in direct contrast to the world I was living in, like Picasso's "Minstrels" next to Van Gogh's "Starry Night".

I will miss the group of sisters I've been working so closely with this transfer. I mean, we sit together in a room for 6 hours a day. Some of them are friends and acquaintances even before the mission. In these last six weeks I've walked through some of their trials and many of their joys with them. They are the Queen Esthers of the world and I am honored to work alongside them in this corner of God's vineyard. The work can be gruesomely hard. The new forms of teaching we've taken on expose us to hours and hours of ridicule daily. Each sister has testified in the face of the most cruel comments that what they believe is true. And amidst the hate and anger, they have found among the broken and the whole, the sincere. Nearly one hundred more individuals and families are meeting with missionaries this transfer because of their efforts. Likely more.

About my companionship's own efforts we've seen some amazing miracles. A family in southern California is meeting now with missionaries, we found out this week. A woman in Washington, too. I received a voicemail the other day from a woman who, with emotion in her voice, thanked me a thousand times for calling her and inviting her to meet with missionaries because she was now baptized.

"I can't even describe the emptiness I felt compared the joy I feel now," she told me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." I can't remember the call - I've made probably 200-300 since. It was a friend a member of the Church told me to call. But it was a symbolic call, perhaps, for all those who have because I asked a member and they said yes and I called and the individual agreed that they did, in fact, want to learn more.

Another interesting event: President Holmes feels strongly that I will probably be a Spanish-speaking missionary while serving in Georgia. I have seen a dramatic increase in my teaching Spanish this transfer, for whatever reason. But after I received my call to Georgia I went to work and almost immediately received a Spanish inbound call - someone calling off a pass-along call. I've been getting 4+ a day in Spanish, so it wasn't a big deal, but as I talked to her the Spirit of God was strong and lived inside the words I was speaking to her. Sure enough, she agreed to meet with missionaries and she gave me her information - she is smack dab in the middle of the Georgia Atlanta North Mission. If I do go Spanish-speaking, I may be the one to teach her.

I am grateful to be a part of such a well-organized faith. True, I'm anti-institution and more so than ever, but it's just very logical in a way. If God does love all His children equally, and He does, and if He wants them all to have the fullness of His plan for happiness, and He does, then He would have a very organized method of sending it out, which He does. I often wish I was Dan Jones without mission boundaries or a tag, just heading out into the world with a bag slung over my shoulder packed with copies of the Book of Mormon. But then this isn't about me, it's about the Finn family in California and Lynette in Washington and Lola in Kentucky.

Take care. Ya'll.

Sister Kemsley

A solid week all around (January 10, 2011 ONE YEAR!!)

2011-01-22T14:41:00.000-08:00

Hola.

Que pasa. Tamarra's in the casa (yes, Mikaela, said as you so often did).

Well, to start off, I owe Crystal Kemsley my life. I'm meeting her tonight to retrieve the passport of mine she found in a labyrinth of luggage. So yes, it's official. I'm going outbound. Which, now that it's time, I feel rather on the ready side.

Which isn't to say the work here isn't wonderful, because it is. The zone has come together and become a little firecracker of a group. We have a fair amount of east coasters and generally opinionated, passionate sisters which makes the lows low and the highs high. I think most inter-personal problems are resolved at this point, and the sisters are just really plowing ahead in the work. I love it. I love it when a companionship that's struggled sees success. And for all of our differences, Sister Lautaha and I are very similar in the "leadership" department, meaning we let things generally take care of their own and get to work.

A few of our own stories, the Square itself has been really busy and mostly with Spanish-speakers. In fact, sometimes I feel like I'm serving a Spanish-speaking mission. I responded to a page the other day, and met Daniel from Mexcio/Canada at West Gate. He often made the trip back and forth which always resulted in a lay over in Salt Lake, but this was an especially long one so he came out to explore.

He spoke English fine which I was relieved about (sometimes it can be really hard to teach without a companion) and we just gave the tour in English. He wanted to know everything and then went a little on overload. We shared with him about the history of the pioneers who believed that though lost, that the original Christian church had been restored through a modern prophet.

"We can see there's corruption in the Christian world, no? And throughout time." I love that question because everyone always says "yes" unless they're super evangelical.
Very passionately, Daniel agreed.

"We believe that's because the apostles who acted as stewards for the teachings of Christ, were killed."

He assured us he was following, that it made sense to him.

"BUT, because God loves us" (cue companion) "God once again restored those lost teachings and the same power and authority as the apostles or Moses of old."

The response: "I dig it." Though not quite in those terms.

When we invited him to learn more through local missionaries and ourselves he took the card from us and began filling it out saying, "I've been looking for a religion, and I'm very interested."

Three cheers for 5 hour lay overs.

We had to drop Alex from Australia last night because he stopped picking up his phone. We came to the Square this morning after a zone temple session (unplanned, just happened that way), and sure enough there was the first email ever from him, dropping us.

"Uh oh, buddy, we totally beat you to the bunch." I said all Christ-like. But as I read it I felt something of exasperation. Alex just can't see himself joining himself to ONE church - it's all too restricting for his liberal, Aussie mind.

If only the hippies of the world, the free spirits, if only they knew this would make them even freer.

And then Lola, our fave, met with missionaries and LOVED them. "Such gentlemen!" she told my companion (I was with a sick Sister Denny). We were so excited to know she was in good hands. What's cooler is that Sister Etienne, who gave us the number to call, was going to give me the number in July but felt it wasn't time. "I didn't think the missionaries who are meant to teach her are there," were her thoughts she later said. That is without actually knowing the missionaries there, as far as I know. Well now the missionaries are a perfect match to teach her and help her understand that we ARE Christian and that we're NOT adding anything to the Bible. Scout's honor.

Meanwhile, we are, as an apartment, making strides in a very pleasant puzzle of a pretty cottage arrayed in flowers. The vines are killing me! I can't go to bed without getting one or two pieces in (that's usually all I get in). I got it for $6 at Rite Aide as a Christmas present, not knowing for who. But when my roommate Sister Ku went, "A PUZZLE! WHO FOR?" I of course immediately blurted out, "YOU!" The effect is absolutely therapeutic for all involved, drawing sisters from other apartments to see if they can't find where that flower attaches to the brick wall. The question is, of course, "You have time for a puzzle?" Of course not. But we do it anyways, taking extra short showers and skipping the spam and rice (two of our roommates are from Hawaii and I guess that's their cold cereal) and going instead with a cereal bar.

So, if anyone happens to facebook Craig Mangum at BYU I lost his address and feel terrible for my delayed response after the essay-epic-epistle of a letter that made my day and a few others.

Also, if you have a minute, this cracks me up. (but then again, I'm a missionary a year in and read the back of cereal boxes for new reading material).

Most sincerely,

Sister Kemsley

A few thoughts and pictures (December 27, 2010)

2011-01-05T12:51:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

ELLIOT IS HUGE! And that is one fancy Santa. How do you think Macy's goes about choosing a fancy Santa? It reminded me of both mine and David Sedaris' experiences in that famed Santaland.

I opened the sweater today, Kara and Frank and am wearing it as I type. I wouldn't have chosen anything differently. Now the question is, which of you picked it out? Actually, it carries with it something of a Kara-Frank teamwork effort. Am I right? The earrings are as beautiful as they are exotic.

Alia! Thanks so much for the gloves! They were, uh, EXACTLY my style. So thanks to you and Brian!

So many letters and love. Thank you thank you.

Time to get back to work:

Pictures
1. Christmas morning with friend and missionary buddy Audrey Crandell

2. Christmas day on the Square with the big plastic sheep.

3. Opening the gift from the McKays.

- Tamarra

Hey Fam (December 13, 2010)

2010-12-13T11:37:00.000-08:00

Well hello there,

Glad to hear the house is still standing ;)

So I ran into Uncle Paul on the street the other day and he said you all are driving to Florida! I was shocked! I'll have to say it makes me a little less homesick ;) No, I'm sure it will be a good experience. A bonding one, to say the least. Who all is going?

Mikaela (I don't have her email, can someone sen this to her?), the password is just 8584 for the cell phone, as in the last four digits of our home phone number. Sarah Copeland actually did that one for me, many a moon ago. Funny, huh?

Speaking of which, I'm running into family/friends everyday. So is my Polynesian companion. Actually, it feels like most of the people we talk to are her family and friends. We do our missionary thing, though, so it's not like we're just visiting. Will Guynn is so tall! And the Watkins are doing great. Annie is so so healthy and happy and I'm so happy for her. It's a funny time here at Temple Square and I imagine this is a little bit what it feels like to the native Nantucket-ers around Summer time - I feel just a smidgen as if my home is being massively invaded. It's cool, though, we have fun with it.

Well, Angelo the Sudanese, Arab-speaking man we've been teaching for FOREVER is finally progressing with local missionaries. That's the big hoorah of this week. The mission is making a pretty smooth transition into this new style of everyone teaching until local missionaries get on the scene. It really expands the reality of our work. A bitter, however, now mingles with the sweet as I go into my second transfer doing this. I call it the Mother of Moses complex. It's extremely hard to find these people and start them on this journey to never see them through. It's kind of like poor Moses' mother, handing over her son as soon as he's weaned to the pharaoh's daughter. The important thing is that Moses lives, I know, but it's kind of a wear and tear I struggle with every time. I haven't run across anyone else that has felt that way, but I'm here for them when I do.

I really really loved the card and present, Kara. I've been struggling a lot more in this winter season with the whole depression thing. The symptoms are overwhelming - I never have an appetite, I just want to sleep all the time, and, well, I feel depressed. I opened it early because I needed something from home to comfort me and when the picture of us in India fell out I was really comforted.

Well, onward forward. Sorry this is short but they're cutting down our time on computers on Pday. Ha, oh how grateful I will be to be out of "the system". I realize why it's necessary, but doesn't mean I have great fondness towards it.

Peace.

Tamarra

PS - David Wilkins wrote me and said he was thinking about (among other things) going into publishing. Isn't that PERFECT?! I was like yes, Dave. Yes. I would definitely want him as a filter for the world's printed literature.

Well, hello there (December 1, 2010)

2010-12-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have fifteen minutes before Pday ends. We're doing Pdays in the morning for the first time in my mission which is much more conducive to napping I've found. That makes me a fan.

Some points of interest:

A) Just got back from the psychiatrists where he proceeded to read my inner thoughts/wishes/fears, etc. to freakish accuracy. You can't really do much to fix something until it's on the table and EVERYTHING was in the end of that 45 minute session. We came to some conclusions that I've felt were probably right before, but wasn't sure. And then there was the 90% that I've never really thought of before. I wish everyone could sit down with this man and just have all those loose Leggo pieces click. Or maybe it's more like Tetris. Regardless, I continue to be massively thankful for the day I sat down with Elder Pace and he told me to see a doctor. I really, really do.

B) Sister Holmes spoils us to the best of our ability. Halloween was truck-fulls of candy, toothpaste and toothbrushes to balance it out, and multiple movies. I've actually never watched so much TV between that 15 minute "God's Plan for His Families", Zone activities where we watch Disney movies, and holidays. This Thanksgiving we went to a place called Noahs. Look it up. Or maybe when I have time I'll attach a video (you're best looking it up, me thinks). It's a super posh entertainment house laden with pool tables, flat screen TVs, and leather couches. We watched Toy Story 3 (a result of all of you, really. I heard it was good and informed the higher ups we should watch it), and Beauty & the Beast. We ate a catered Thanksgiving meal with karaoke on the side. There was an upright arcade I happened to have indulged in, playing the sort of 90s games where you're some buff Tarzan man stabbing goblins that explode in what I inferred to be a bloody mess. And Space Invaders. Thing is, the Holmes' 12 kids pay for it. I have no idea how much it costs, and granted they're 12 of them, but really - they didn't have to do that. But I'm glad they did.

C) Our zone is doing so well!!!! I feel much more like we're a group of friends that chose to be in the same room 6 hours a day together v. assigned. There are 26 of us and every one of them are doing so well. Every one! People are enjoying their missions more I think, there's so much success, and we all just have so much fun doing this work. Plus we hang out together like mad every Pday, which, in all my mission history has never been the case.

All of these combine to make one happy Tamarra.

Hey mom, so my duct-tape/paper wallet of three years was not longer attached at the seams so I took the liberty of purchasing a $10 clutch at Target and figured we could call it birthday. And I got boots. The kind that keep the weather out and don't look like I'm going to go shovel the sidewalk (my companion from Hawaii shoveled snow for the first time yesterday - it was pretty hilarious). Also from Target. That and thermal leggings and we can call it good on Christmas and birthday seeing as everything you and Dad are already doing. Let me know.

Love you!

Tamarra

And so it goes (November 24, 2010)

2010-11-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

Hey fam,

What's up?

The sun is slipping down closer and closer to those mountains; I can't believe how fast these days go. Tomorrow, I realized today, is Thanksgiving. It was a surprising realization and a slightly frustrating one as it means we won't have the time to call the people we need to (tomorrow is a half day on the Square). Still, I'm sure I'll be grateful to do whatever surprise Mama Holmes has up her cashmere sleeves. My mind is so far from normalcy that Thanksgiving isn't even registering. Though I am thankful, for more really than I ever have been. I have never been so blessed.

21 years isn't the longest time, but still I think it's saying something to say this past year has been the loveliest of my life. I choose the word lovely because that is what describes it. "Great" and "Best" are too vague. I've had years that were more exciting like going to Jerusalem, and that were more fun, but none quite so lovely as this where I have walked almost 365 days with the Spirit continuously by my side. I have never had a year where I felt so known by the heavens. That's selfish - I could talk about all those I've met, and they are certainly a part of it, but I guess I am in something of a time of self-reflection as I remember the state of anger, bitterness, and depression I started this mission with, and the peace I feel now. So while I've seen major transformations in those I've taught, I've experienced the greatest one in my self. And that growth feels lovely.

Sisters in our zone are teaching people in Africa - people in refugee camps because of pillaging and massive inhumanity. These are the proverbial Africans always referenced when people either site how unfair this world is or why we should eat our vegetables. They are starving. Many of their people have been murdered, and yet it's never occurred to them to doubt God's love for them. Meanwhile we're constantly tormented here at Temple Square by teenage and college-age youth who hold up these Africans as proof that God does not exist. If only those privileged white kids could sit down with a few of those Africans and hear their unfailing testimonies of the Savior Jesus Christ. They know His healing power and recognize the Spirit of God when it speaks to them. They are full of faith and forgiveness. This to me is the testimony of my own healing, because while on different degrees the source is the same.

And so while you're all sitting around and toasting to our health and Mom's good cooking, remember this my toast: Everyone can change. Everyone has the option to renewal, to healing without scarring, to overcoming the demons within or without, whether imposed on us or a consequence of our own error. There is no resume too small or too great or a place in the world where we are beyond the power of grace. This is the good news of our Savior Jesus Christ.

How many I've seen fall to their metaphorical knees before the Lamb of God and offer up their broken hearts to begin this healing during the last 11 months, myself being one of them. And so far not one, and there have been hundreds, have been turned back. And of course, none ever will.

Thank you for all you've done to support me on this one.

- Tamarra

I LOVE sushi. Here's us having a well-deserved break

My companion is to the right of me.

Aloha (November 17, 2010)

2010-11-28T13:31:00.000-08:00

Hey fam.

How goes it?

I love hearing about your races, Sean. I can't believe you took first out of the Newtown varsity in the state champs. Remember when you and I went running like those two times and you were like "This isn't running. This is practically walking." I think I'm getting slower while you're getting faster. You'll have to let me know how basketball goes. PLUS Mom says you're helping out a ton at home! Out of everything I felt most proud about that - thanks for taking care of Mom while Dad's gone at work.

Linea, what's your address? I want to write you a letter. Also, you're number. My friends can take you out to some cool places around Provo.

Thanks for the letter, Caleb! Prisoner of Azkaban is my fave in the HP series - nice choice.

Well, another day, another week. It's a weird thing being one of the "old ones" in the mission (a lot of those more experienced in this mission thing than me are outbound). If we're going to go back to the fun size candy bars of before (like 8 months before), then I only have 4 more to unwrap until I'm home. Things are getting more and more interesting.

The mission is taking a major shift next transfer. President and the assistants were showing it to Sister Lautaha and I and it's really exciting. The whole place is getting an upgrade as far as effectiveness in reaching those who want to be taught by us. It's really cool to see what Sister Lautaha and all the other sisters with us are pioneering is growing and will probably grow beyond Temple Square. It's like a whole new way with technology, CDs to Mp3. iMission. (yes I do say that with a wink)

So who are some of those people we're reaching? Everyday Sister Lautaha and I teach people from countries like Switzerland, Sweden, Hungary, Italy, the Congo, Fiji, and the like. The US is still our predominate area of focus, followed by Canada, but it's cool that even within the US we're teaching people in every region - Northeast, Southeast, Southwest, Northwest, Midwest. And In 2.3 different languages (Angelo speaks pretty good English but being from the Sudan his first language is Arabic). It's so much more fulfilling than just waving goodbye when they walk out the door and never knowing what happened. Most importantly, it makes the transition from us to local missionaries a lot easier for the people themselves. I think a really good indicator of how the work is going is the absurd amount of hand-tingling high-fives Sister Lautaha are constantly giving each other.

Things are steady and often tender but not a whole lot of one time hallelujahs to send your way. It's always my favorite when the person we're teaching prays. It's so tender! They're not sure how to talk to God. They may not have done it very often in life. On how we always say, "Like He's your dad...because He is."

Probably one I am really excited about is Phil. We were walking on our way to lunch when I saw him next to some statues taking pictures. I stopped. "We've got to go back."

Phil is a scruffy, late 20s chef living and traveling on his own from New Hampshire. As we talked to him we could tell he knew there was something he was missing and that it had to do with this place he had stumbled upon. He should be meeting with missionaries even as I write this because he was so excited that the moment they called he set up an appointment for that week. He keeps emailing us his thanks and tender thoughts of his concern that we're not dressed warm enough for the weather and the like.

As far as I am, I'm good. The sister I offended the first week pulled me aside on the walk home. "I just really know you care, that you love me. Not just me as a missionary, but who I am. I'm really proud of you." That meant kind of everything to me. I really do love these sisters working so hard! Being in charge of their welfare and in part their success is hard, but really rewarding. One of them has been really sick and I found a deep fulfillment in caring for her. I honestly would rather they see progress and success in the work than me - that's how focused I am on them. Today we had a group study session and it was really, really tender. All the sisters felt safe in opening up with each other and a lot of deep thoughts and insights were shared regarding our work and place as missonaries in 2010 at Temple Square.

I've also been eating a lot of sushi. I really, really like sushi. And mustard-colored clothing.

As of about 22 hours ago I have begun a new quest of honesty: honesty with self, with God, with others. My companion liked it and checked in on it. So far it's been a real eye-opening experience. Honesty is a lot more than the cute story of a kid returning the chocolate bar. I've never been willing to go this deep with it and I find I have a lot of curves to smooth out. What can I say, I like to tell a good story? ;) No, nothing serious, but just the usual life items of self-improvement. I know it's only been 22 hours, but already I've felt weight lift off my shoulders as I've confronted things I've been sweeping under that ol' rug.

Well, I'm a big fan of each of you - thanks for the love and support, especially in letter/package form. What can I say? I like my mail. Hope to hear from you all soon.

Oh, and if I go outbound it will probably be in late January. It's a pretty big "if". I'm chill with that.

Most sincerely,

Sister T. Kemsley

PS - Mom and Dad, you're getting your first handwritten by Tamarra letter. Or, at least that's a goal of mine today. OH! And I ran into Chris Manning today! He works at Forever 21 here in Salt Lake where my companion likes to shop. It was a fun reunion. He's going to go get his MBA here soon, just working in the mean time. I didn't know the Mannings had moved to Jersey...huh.

News from the Square (November 10, 2010)

2010-11-17T09:11:00.000-08:00

So, hello. How are you? Um, loved the pix of the two unsmiling Nintendo superheros (totally manly except the pumpkin buckets gripped like another weapon), also known as Josh and Caleb. Loved it.

Mom, thank you! Thank you so much! The scarves were beautiful and needed. All of it was just on the spot, really really great. The book on Connecticut is hilarious. Okay, but back up - Pez, Raggedy Anne, AND Silly Putty were all invented in Connecticut??? That's besides the Constitution and Scrabble, of course. Good thing the world has that little state. But seriously, the whole thing was so so so Connecticut. I might have read a few lines and all of them oozed of stuffy academia dressed in sweater vests. You're just too good to me, mother.

Caleb, sorry your sister is so out of practice with drawing dragons. That will be resumed immediately upon return, my young Nintendo warrior - never fear. And Josh, your Link boats are sweet. I want them in my size.

So how was it working at the Creamery, Mikaela? I missed the pumpkin ice cream :( No one makes it like that little red barn in a middle of a cow farm. Fill me in on the details because I always had it in the back of my mind to apply.

To be quite litterally honest (as my companion always says), this is going to be the longest Christmas advent of my life. Besides starting the Christmas lights in August, the day after halloween trees and ornaments started going up. I admit I was a little startled. But really, who can complain about more Christmas?

The whole place took a major step forward in the holiday-season process, however, upon the arrival of the life-size Nativity set. The whole thing occupies the entirety of the lawn outside the North Visitor Center and consists of probably 6 different scenes. Wax figure wise men riding on wax camels approach the stony stable from the left, while wax shepherds with their plastic sheep make their approach from the right. Each figure came in a box the size and shape of an outhouse - I guess one could call it a body box. There was no seeming debate on where to put any of the described items - the whole thing was assembled in an afternoon. And though one would not normally consider it, it's actually very awkward for a person to move about a human-sized wax wise man. One woman with a sweatshirt had a wise man (fully grown) cradled in her arms. Her whole body was bent under the weight so that the wise man's backside swept the ground. All the while, snow had begun to fall upon us all.

As for the work, it's going really well. But not as good as it could be. We had a really intense training yesterday where a lot of sisters broke down about their inner struggles and discouragments. It was cathartic, to say the least. It softened my heart and my pride. It reminded me that even if we could all be doing better, nearly all the hearts of these women are in their work. When talking with my psychologist he made a good point - celebration is a powerful and often overlooked motivator. I wonder what I could do more to connect with these missionaries and understand their battles and help them to celebrate in thier victories. I don't want them to feel like their best is not enough for the Lord. Whether of our flocks or our fields that's all He's ever asked.

There are so many people Sister Lautaha and I are teaching. I'm so proud of their progress, not a personal pride, but a pride in them. When we met Nick he was threatening suicide. Have I told you about him? I feel like he found us just in time. He lives in Canada and we teach him over the phone. It's a miracle to hear life return to him. He loves what he's learning. He was brought up Catholic but admittedly jaded because his mother abused him. We introduced him to the concept of saying prayers that are not memorized - just talking to God. He liked that. Then he asked us, "So, is God and Jesus the same person?"
"No. Same in many things, but physically different." We held our missionary breath.

"That's what I've always thought."

I've been teaching a lot of people in Spanish, too. Today I taught someone in Guatemala.

Sister Lautaha and I know we're at the head of a unique zone, mostly because we're constantly reminded that we're piloting programs for the world wide missionary effort. Mom and Dad, I'll send you an individual email when I get the chance about what is currently non public. It's the direction of the whole mission and others depending on how things go. Ha, no pressure. But really, I think I feel a really good amount. Enough to make me feel like "Wow, this is something big", but doesn't drive me crazy. Just forward. Really, I'm kind of obsessed with everything we're doing. It's really inspired - unique and necessary, difficult and yet possible. And the best part are all the stories. Sisters come to us all the time about the people they're teaching in Russia and Africa, how so many lives are already improved. And that's what it's all about - increasing the quality of life from the inside out. Sister Han was so excited to tell me about one of the people they're teaching. "He's addicted to smoking but read the Book of Mormon for 4 hours straight and totally forgot to smoke!"

And I look at the sisters themselves and I think, they're such miracles. Sister Han born and raised in China bears the strongest testimony of Jesus Christ. Sister Minchener from upstate New York who joined the Church only a few years ago and felt that it had blessed her life so much in that short time that she had to serve a mission. Her family is totally non-supportive. Sister Ching is from Malaysia and her family is sacrificing huge things for her to be on a mission, but have never regretted it. They're so happy for their daughter.

Well, I'm off to Wal-mart (though I haven't had an appetite for a while now). Had a beautiful little nap. Went to see the psychiatrist today and in a short 30 minute session disguised as a chit chat I learned a great deal about myself. Those are some of the most valuable minutes of my mission.

OH! And the man that Sister Elias, the Jordanian sister, and I took on a tour is getting baptized! Him and his whole family! They're an Arab family from Nazareth and he's involved in media, actually. He's creating the first Israeli-Arab news station. Anyways, that was pretty awesome to hear. So is seeing the Jordanian flag pinned to a missionary badge. Sister Elias and I just love each other and I can ask her all the Arabic questions in the world and she loves it. Calls me her student.

Alright.

Gotta go.

Sister Tamarra

Another Week, Another Story (November 3, 2010)

2010-11-04T15:23:00.001-07:00

Sean, a cookie? Nice. I mean, not what I would have guessed (such as a cheese wizard), but solid. Send me some pixs. You made a great Link, Joshua, and can only imagine the appropriate "hiiiii-yaas!" that would haved been incorporated in the evening.

What did you do, Linea? I have no idea what I did my first Halloween at school. A dance, I think? Did you and Ilia do something fun?

By the way, do you shop at the Creamery? And have you noticed how BYU's ice cream ACTUALLY rivals THE creamery's ice cream? I was a little bit defensive at first, I'll admit, but took it as a tender mercy eventually. The chocolate milk is something to behold, too. I used to go shopping there listening to "This American Life" mornings that I had class late. Good times. Good memories.

Well, life is pretty groovy. Been kicking down the cobblesteps, talking to flowers the way dad always sings about.

Maybe not literally, but actually I've been in a serious state of "chill" for the past transfer and a half and wonder if this is a new addition to my personality.

I'm actually the relaxed one in my current companionship with a polynesian Hawaiian. She's extremely hardworking, positive, and dramatic. I would be fascinated to see how many times "OH MY GOSH!" would occur in a conversation between her and Mikaela. Yep, Sister Lautaha is an incredible missionary companion that I can rely upon completely. Like, completely. She's just a transfer ahead of me, so we're pretty much in the same point in our mission, but this is her third transfer handling the success, health, and welfare of two dozen other sisters. My first. Pretty funny stuff, being a zone leader.

Okay, so here's a basic break down of what it means to be a zone leader:

There are 2 districts with six companionships in each. Each district has a district leader. That is what I was last transer. A district leader works on one-on-one helping the sisters through health and personal and teaching issues. I really loooved that. Very fun and personal. I felt like the cool, relatable big sister.

When there is something outside of the realm of a district leader's experience or ability to authorize they come to us, Sister Lautaha and I. We run workshops and when there are issues in the zone we are the ones held accountable. What's more, what with piloting new programs for the Church, no one's really sure how to run things. But everyone is watching. We determine a lot for the Church. Which may be why I have full-blown movie long and highly vivid dreams every night. Here I feel a lot more like the "boss", which I hate. I really do. I hate being accountable for when a companionship isn't working hard because you try to encourage them and since we're all girls pretty much inevitably goes over the wrong way. I want people to love their missions! I want them to value their time here at Temple Square and not just be going through motions until they go home. Most do - most are so grateful to be sharing what makes them happy and are dedicated. They are so so happy and fulfilled to be here. It really is a "mission". For a few it's getting up at 630 AM, again; going to the same stupid 10 acres, again; and doing the same old thing over, again. I guess it feels like for them that they're going to work. How can I help them grasp that their connecting a world of lost and broken souls to the only healing source - their Savior? I tried today and seriously offended a sister. Ugh.

I would say for the most part, though, I still get to spend most of my time doing the work. This last week Sister Lautaha and I found 23 people to teach - 9 of them were awesome, beautiful, searching people we met on the Square. The others were resulted when members asked us to call friends of theirs to share a free gift and a message. Many of these friends end up wanting to learn more after we talk to them for a few minutes. During every other stage of my mission, once they say they want to learn more from local missionaries I make that logistically happen for them and part ways with these people and 99% of the time have no idea whatever happens to them. Not in this zone. Now I get to teach them! I teach them for a couple of weeks until the missionaries arrive and are able to work with them face to face (we teach over the phone or internet). It's an absolutley beautiful process to be a part of. The other day TJ prayed after the end of one of our lessons and thanked God for us, my companion and I. Vivianna, who I teach in Spanish, told us today that she prayed after we taught her at Temple Square to know if families could be together forever. "And....?" I asked her. "Es verdad," she responded confidently.

Oh, and by the way, as a zone leader my new job is to take VIP tours. We took a man around we later found out is kind of huge. I don't know how many details I can give out. How about this: he's a CEO worth billions, extremely humble and curious about the Church and when we bore testimony (which we later found out we're not allowed to do on VIP tours) the Spirit just roared. It was incredible. I'm extremely, extremely grateful for the experience, however heart-pounding it was. Just wish I'd worn my fancy suit jacket that day.

That and David Archuleta's been hanging around Temple Square. My biggest impression of him that he's the size of a 15 year old and gels his hair and wears shiny pointed dress shoes like a 30 year old fashionista. He's also very approachable and loves to hear uplifting thoughts from the sisters.

Well, just 8 more months to go. I'm trying to make every second count. That's pretty hard stuff, because there are a lot of seconds that all I want to do is crawl into a closet and fall into a sleep nigh unto a coma. Really, though, it's hard to be "woe is me" however, when you're constantly relaying stories of the pioneers. Quite the reality check.

Love you all. Miss you all. I really do.

Sincerely,

Sister Kemsley from Connecticut.

Transfer 7 Here We Go (October 26, 2010)

2010-10-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

It's 139 PM MST and I'm writing you once again from velvety abodes of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.

Sounds like life is good out East. Is it cold yet? We just got our first snow-like weather yesterday and the mountains are bright white. It helps brighten up the sky a lot.

There's no one really on the Square anymore - people here for a short conference or on a walk during their break hour. It gives Sister Harmer and I a lot more time to work with the people that slip through the cracks during the busy tourist months. We've been spending more time getting to know the Temple Square Family previously described. One of the great surprises of my mission is how close I've become with the homeless community (business is slower for all of us these days); they are some of my closest friends. Carole, I learned, used to work at a traveling carnival. She worked in the game section and could never stand it when a little kid lost. If they did, she'd slip them one of the small prizes anyways. Her boyfriend of 2 years is named Jeff, and she calls him Jeffy Peanut Butter. When she told us this she lifted her droopy lips into a wide smile and a giggle, her remaining shards of teeth exposed.

Then there are those who come regularly because they're in a life crisis. There are a lot of those, and one of them, Paige, has become like our little sister. We're working with her to value herself, to recognize herself as a daughter of God. Those words have become so trite they're absolutely cliche for me, until I meet someone who needs that knowledge. When that happens, I get it. It's huge; it's everything.

Cloudy, cold, slow and tender days is the tenor of late. But there's one experience last week that I wanted to tell just a little more about.

Sister Harmer and I met Will after my 304th (roughly, I mean, I haven't sat down and counted) rendition of a 15 minute presentation on families named, appropriately, God's Plan for His Family. It's a crowd pleaser with it's six different rooms people walk through, each one with a set matching the room the actors on the screen are in. The first time I went through it I cringed and wondered why my companion had made such a terrible decision. I soon realized why. Though the acting is terrible and the dialogue worse, I found that it had the ability to put a huge and abstract message of the eternality of our own selves and our family relationships into very real terms. True, I still want to stab my eyes out every time the dad says, "I just got another idea. Maybe she [the newborn] can sing. She sure has the lungs for it." And the mother responses, "That's great, dear. You work on signing her up for Carnegie Hall and I'll work on getting her to sleep through the night." (The dad is constantly taking it from the mom in this same sarcastic sort of way). "Sounds like a good idea," the dad replies. And then we all get up and move to the next room designated by its floral wallpaper and crocheting basket as grandma's house.

What does this all have to do with Will? Everything. After approximately 304 showings Will was the first one to reply, when asked how he felt, "It was kind of weird."

We gawked. Inwardly, I cheered.

"I mean, it's like something cheesey off of a TV show in the 60s."

Will is about 6 feet, mid 20s, and a resident of West Virginia. He was out in Salt Lake for an engineering project and was as literally-minded as his job title suggested.

He was also very aware that there was something different about this weird Temple Square place thing than he had ever experienced. Something that he felt like he couldn't leave even if he couldn't quite describe it.

We worked slowly through his complicated questions. We started at the beginning over and over again.

We used displays and quotes and kiosks and ultimately the Book of Mormon to answer his concerns.

There's a place I hit with people sometimes when I recognize they know they need to learn more but they're not willing to admit it, I will always call them out. Not always. What can I say, I'm becoming perhaps a little more impatient with people's mind games as the months go on.

I showed him Moroni 10:3-5 and, handing the book back to me he asked, "How to I get that power?"

"You fill out this card and learn more," I said.

He did.

We stood to leave when Will stopped us. "You're just going to leave me now?"

We were 30 minutes late for dinner after which we had an assignment. "Well, we've got places to go, people to see, Will."

"Will you be here tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"How will we find you?"

Sister Harmer and I had the identical idea: "Pray." It was the first time I'd seriously told a guest to pray to find me. But it just felt right. Being literal his biggest struggle was faith - he needed something to grab hold of. Plus, we weren't really allowed to tell him where we'd be in the future.

As we walked away Sister Harmer and I looked at each other, just the smallest hint of concern: "Uh, let's pray, too."

We did. With all our hearts. We knew it could either make or break it for him because of his spiritual insecurity to have this prayer answered or not.

And then we waited. And waited.

Nothing. No one.

We went to lunch - he only had another hour and we'd been pretty well hidden for the rest of the day in a distant assignment.
"Let's eat outside," I said. I was depressed enough already.

We went out to the benches - they had all mysteriously vanished but one.

We ate, and I put my tired, heavy head down in my arms.

"IS THAT WILL?"

It was a short Asian. Apparently she felt my loss too. I turned to put my head back down and froze. "NO! But THAT is!"

We left everything and ran after the figure. We were running down South temple and stopped.

"Is it...?"

"WILL!"

The 6 foot figure with dark brown hair stopped and turned.

Will had been in and around the Square for 5 hours looking for us. He was on his way home when we found him. And that he had prayed about it.

Well, I've got to go and pack. I'm moving again. Away from an adorable little house, unfortunately. I'm excited for my new assignment - it's super high tech/efficient. new stuff the church is piloting. i'm zone leader (and too lazy to use caps any more) in a zone i've never really been in. my companion is a polynesian from hawaii. Sister Lautaha. super chic and super funny and an absolutely incredible missionary. consider me psyched and conversely seriously confused to not be working with sister harmer anymore. though, i'm not worried. let's just say she def makes the permanent friend list.

love,

sister kemsley

Here it is, that weekly email (October 19, 2010)

2010-10-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Well, hello there all.

How is everyone doing?

Harper Kate is stinking cute - only surpassed by her brother's love for her. Is Elliot three now? (the fact that I'm asking confirms me as one lame aunt).

I hear you have a lot of work, Dad. That's great, though sorry it's in Houston/New Orleans and not New York.

And Mikaela, did you hear whatever happened with Mr. Harned? Btw, the assitant director of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is a graduate from Newtown High. Yep. Met him. We talked and when he said he was from Newtown, CT, I made the connection pretty easily in my head between him and, for example, Brett Boles. Funny, huh?

Well, life is pretty crazy. Sort of. Actually, it's a lot slower now with summer gone - finally slowed down these last couple weeks. I'm like "what did i do for 4 months when it was like this?"

First, a little catch up.

Two weeks ago I went to Kyle's baptism. This is the kid that came through West Gate and was like "You talked to me yesterday, can you tell me more?" (a paraphrase).

Talk about epic.

I never met the missionaries teaching Kyle after me, but Kyle kept me informed on everything. Then, when it was time, he gave me the address and time for his baptism. Three weeks later, Sister Harmer and I hopped on the Trax (above ground subways) towards the University of Utah. We arrived at the designated place at the designated time to nothing.

There was no way for me to contact Kyle, or the missionaries, or they me. All I have is a pager. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I love my retro little sidekick, but when it comes to contact with the outside world it does fall a little short.

I called home base, the office of Temple Square.

"Sister Javier! What do I do!"

She gave me the number for the SLC mission home. I call and they're closed for the weekend.

I called Sister Javier back. "I'm stuck. Really, really stuck."

"Wait, hold on. We've got someone from the SLC mission on the other line."

What were the odds.

We told the missionaries calling in that it was a baptism for someone going to the U.

"Probably Elder Mattie," they told us.

"Do you have his number?"

"Nope."

I hung up the phone and walked away totally rejected. I wanted to cry. In despondency I stopped to read a display on missionary work. Some local missionaries had tacked their names and numbers up. I froze. Elder Mattie's number was right there.

"No way." I shook my head and thanked God for answering a prayer I'd been too depressed to utter and ran back to the phone.

Elder Mattie was extremely confused, to say the least, but very helpful.

The baptism was starting in a half hour a block away.

Sister Harmer and I made it with time to spare. That process of discovery was not one that usually took 20 mintues. I was so so grateful to see Kyle baptized.

And it was perfect. And by perfect I mean it was perfectly fitting to Kyle. All of it had a certain little quirk to it and the little room was stuffed with people who loved this kid.

And though the music was sloppy (I was asked to sight-read hymns), and those speaking and conducting were visibly nervous, when it came time for the baptism itself everything came together. Admist all of this humanity, the divine came through when that young, funny kid was pushed completely under the water and pulled back to the surface. Even the young children were quiet and appreciative of the feeling encompassing all those in the room.

As I told Sister Harmer, I will never understand how that simple and somewhat awkward process humbles all those present. I won't fight it - I'll just accept that it does. Like a sip of water and a edge of Wonder bread on Sunday, maybe God intended the greatest moments between us and Him to appear so simple for a reason. My guess it has something to do with trust, with recognizing the true source. Or maybe it's just me.

sheesh, and all of this is to say nothing of will. to be continued...

Love you all.

Sincerely,

Sister Kemsley

Kyle's baptism (as noted)

The District: Doing Service at Heritage Park

P-day at Memory Grove

The Temple Square Family (October 12, 2010)

2010-10-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

Here I am again.

I love love love you all. And am grateful for this time to communicate through real mail, like, the kind that leaves traces of each individual. Caleb and Josh, you are both wodnerful typers and I LOVED hearing from you. I kept the letter by my bed for the longest time because every time I saw it I smiled. Yes, I was at the temple place during conference and it was a lot of fun. And a lot of hard work. But I thought of you both and love you both. Please don't get too tall while I'm gone! Joshua, will you still cuddle with me when I get back?

The pictures of Istanbul and Kenya were awesome, Kara and Frank. Even from your quick debrief I felt like I could relate to SO much! Like the women in the indentical (varying slightly in color, of course) long wool coats and head scarves and total mod men. All over Jerusalem. Not everyone, and you often have a woman with a headscarf walking with one that isn't, but the juxtaposition is huge. Definitely appreciated the socio-religious breakdown of women in the church, Frank. Missed your musings of late.

This last week has been a weird one. 100,000 people flooding the Square in one day to just a couple hundred sent us all (or was it just me?) all through a little withdrawal. And exhaustion. But I'm starting to recover, and partly because of a protest. One early morning we had a short and last-minute mission meeting. Not even the leaders knew what we were doing. President Holmes then stood up and informed us the Square would be closing at 600 PM. We were to all be off the Square by that time, leaving home in groups. That night there was a massive protest by the gay community, I guess to a talk from Elder Packer that, to be honest, I haven't even heard. It was a cloudy and dark day. Slow, few things to distract our thoughts. President bought us all the famous rolls from the Lion House to ease things over a bit, but when we went home and locked our doors and closed our blinds the sun went down and the yelling started. It felt so dark. Even inside. Sister Harmer and I emotionally just held each other the whole night. We felt hurt - we loved our gay friends, which, between the two of us, there were quite of few of. We talked about our different friends and what beautiful people they were and I made my first batch of chili and cornbread to keep my hands busy. Still, the yelling made it through the cracks of the window. I shouldn't have, but I peered through the blinds and saw hundreds of figures dressed in black making their way across Main Street and my heart just hurt. It hurt so bad. I let the blinds bend back into place, turned up my indie hymns CD, and stirred my chili like there weren't thousands of people outside hating me. How I wish those individuals would strive to love and understand me like I have come to love and understand them. In the end, however, it was incredible chili.

Work has been wonderful on the Square - so many enriching conversations that uplift everyone involved. Sister Harmer and I work in as good as unity as two missionaries could to the most beautiful results. The lost souls march on, coming in sunken and leaving at peace, laughing and with shy smiles. I love it! One of them even came back and to find us after conference one day to tell us he would do whatever it took to go on a mission - a decision he made after talking with us. The Square this transfer has felt like an ER of the Spirit and we've seen so many miraculous recoveries. One of my favorites is Chris. Did I tell you about him? Hair almost to his shoulders and deep, round holds in the crease of his arm next to his veins. Sister Harmer found him attached to the display of the inside of the temple. The hurt was bad - by the time I caught up with them they were sitting down on a bench. Chris was breathing in and out in a slow and painful-sounding way - Sister Harmer was applying pressure to the gaping wound of his heart. I stepped in to offer support and found Chris in almost an identical situation I had once been in - knowing the doctrines of the Church are true but feeling like the culture was just too much. We stood by him, validated him, and comforted him. Finally he had to go to catch a plane. When he did Sister Harmer smiled and said, "See, not all sister missionaries aren't all weird."

Chris laughed. "I hear about diamonds in the rough a lot. Here are two."

Cue "Awwww."

The experience was lovely, and filled me with that warm-blanket-hot-cup-of-tea(herbal, clearly)-letter-in-the-mail feeling that is the Spirit of God.

I've also been thinking about more and more the family of Temple Square. I'm not just talking missionaries, but the maintenance workers that have been busy stringing Christmas lights since August, and our homeless buddies outside (though, most of them have a cell phone, which confuses me), the dozens of brides every day, and the regulars that we might as well give a pager and a badge to seeing as they are at the Square as much as any of us and have seen the movies hundreds of more times. I love it all. I love moments like when Evelyn, a woman asking for money outside the north gate, gives us a peach saying, "I'm diabetic, but you girls are always so good to me and I know you'll eat it." And when Sister Harmer says to Carole, a homeless woman over at the NE entrance, "Guess what, Carole! I've seen 8 brides already!" (note: it's not yet noon).

"Oh, is that all?" Carole asks through her broken shards of teeth, "I've seen 11."

Sister Harmer and I were thrilled to find a compadre in the bride-counting business.

And when one of the grounds people, a frien of mine since my post at West Gate, runs up and throws her arms around me telling me she's finally decided to serve a mission.

Waiting for Alan to walk through the doors any day.

Celebrating with old Elder Heinerman about his first new pair of glasses after 35 years.

Bob in his high tech wheel chair speeding around the Square and telling us jokes (at a very slow pace), and cracking up at them. Bob is an all-time favorite.

Ah! I have so much more to say. But if I make this any longer people won't read through it and get the good stuff I've saved for last. Nor do I want to delete what I've written. Maybe next week will be slow (most likely) and give me a chance to catch up. Short and simple: Kyle's baptism.

I love you all.

Sister T. Kemsley

Conference Withdrawal (October 5, 2010)

2010-10-05T16:37:00.000-07:00

um, so i'm basically dead on my feet. sorry about that mom, dad, and linea. its to the point that i'm looking for nooks and crannies where i hope no one will find me to just put my head down if only for 15 seconds. and it's not just me. we're all looking around and asking each other, "are you feeling what i'm feeling?"

in short, we're all going through post-conference withdrawals.

i heard it was estimated that there was 100,000 people on saturday alone, and based on that i'm guessing 80,000 for sunday. 13 hour days both days. just because of all the people and responsibilities of keeping the district afloat and assignments covered we probably took 2 of the 4 twenty minute recharge breaks. president and sister holmes were working as hard as any of us, and in such an adorable 70-year old way. it was downright lovely. all of it. the members from every part of the world, the validation of sitting in an auditorium with 21000 people who don't think your crazy or blasphemous for believing that God still reveals through a prophet today (i really don't know why people think that's such a phenomenal idea given the current state of affairs - if God is real, if He loves us, and is the same yesterday/today/forever, no matter how i look at it a living prophet versus not still seems like the most logical conclusion). hearing that a temple would be built in the philipines, tijuana, and oh CONNECTICUT was, well, let's just say i was throwing fist pumps in the conference center (we attend 1 of the 4 meetings).

all in all, it was some of the most fun 2 days.

and the most exhausting.

as a result president shortened today and yesterday - i slept in 1 and 2 hours past any time i had in 9 months. when sister harmer and i went running it wasn't before the world was up. the sun was shining. and we had enough time to make some eggs with the sun pouring through. those simple things that just make you feel more human.

im really too tired to write. but the miracles roll in.

sister harmer and i talked to a couple who openly divulged their marital problems. i then explained in speficis how the restored gospel of Jesus Christ found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would strengthen their marriage. as i did the holy Spirit shed forth and brought us all to our knees spiritual in perfect humility. i pray for them all the time and envy the missionaries that will be assigned to teach them any day now.

it's also funny to see how, depending on your companion, you always run into a specific type. for sister harmer and i it's the lost souls. which is anyone, really. but i mean the ones that are so lost they can hardly put one foot in front of another. maybe because i've been there and because sister harmer hasn't the ability for the leanest of prejudice, that's almost exclusively all we teach. many are individuals who were once active members of the church, yearn to go back, but are afraid of acceptance, of repentance, or 100 other things that make it hard for us to return to something so personal. during the wean hours of conference i heard a "SISTER KEMSLEY! SISTER HARMER! I've been looking all over for you!" Someone we'd both felt we needed to talk to a few days ago was back, and back to tell us he's planning on going on a mission based on many factors, but significantly on the conversation we had. i just can't help love these people that come to us broken. i've been broken so long with undiagnosed depression that i can almost feel them before i see them. and i know them when i meet them. nothing in my life has done more for my happiness than confronting the broken and finding a fix. sometimes it's a battle, a grapple in the mud and feels ugly and tiring. sometimes it's a calm, cold conversation across a coffee table from one another, and other times its just being the bigger person by being the first to acknowledge the other's painful presence. whatever it is, it's not anything i ever did alone, or could do alone. no one can. that's our common denominator as humans - we need a Savior to fight our battles with us. and sometimes for us. that's why there's little more fulfilling to me then helping people to develop that trust and realization in and of Christ that prepares them for their own battles with their demons.

i love the Gospel, the good news. everyone, i now know, can find peace in it. everyone.

tamarra

Another week, another email (September 28, 2010)

2010-09-30T09:13:00.000-07:00

Didn't hear from any one in the fam this week, but in reality it must be commended seeing as this is the first on my mission. Actually all those sisters with last names beginning with "K" with whom I share a mailbox with are always giving me a hard time for my disproportionate representation most days in post. My reply is always "Yeah, but do you have a family of 11?" There are serious bonuses of having a big family, and getting a steady flow of mail while on a year and a half mission is one of them.

So here's a funny story.

Yesterday Sister Harmer and I were talking to a group of some hippie-chic late-twenty-somethins. One was from Manhattan (and we had a detailed conversation on how to get to Levain's bakery), the other two from Salt Lake.

"So...then how did you all meet?" asked I.

"Traveling," said the two boys.

"Ha." The girl rolled her eyes and gave them a playful slap. "Whatever, they met on 'Survivor.'"

Sister Harmer and I started busting out. There are a fair share of celebraties here on Temple Square - shook Orrin Hatch's hand a while back and David Archuleta makes a regular appearance with his buddies, not to mention hoardes of high-ranking international government officials. Still, there was something particularly endearing about just randomly running into two Survivors - one of them which was not just on it once, but twice, in the All-Star cast.

My first question was, "So, are you really saying that you don't get any food supplied while there's a whole camera crew there?"

Turns out they really don't - the camera crew's stash is securly hidden. Though the All-Star kid did find a a bottle of coke in a cooler off-shore once.
"Well," I said, "welcome to our Surivivor, where we're up at 630 every day for a year in a half and to bed by 1030 every day for a year and a half."

It was solid - they saw that we were real and that we meant what we were up to. Not deeply spiritual, or anything, though. The last question we got as they were walking out the door for a late dinner was, "What was the name of that bakery again?"

Levains. Oh, dear Levains.

Speaking of which, the missing feeling is creeping into the work. First time, really. I guess it's best described as an overarching feeling of when I see someone walking out of the Square, doing they're thing, all on their own, I feel a surprising pang of jealousy. Just a little, and really just for a few days. Could be gone tomorrow, and I really hope it is, but it just really took me by surprised. I guess missionaries are human or something.

A solid work of sharing the love, to be sure. Between Sister Harmer and I we speak 4 languages and all are used and really overtaxed beyond our abilities most days. Some incredible Spanish moments. And Danish ones. Arabic moments have been pretty much once a week for a long time now. And I love it. I love how we both have an American flag attached to our badges and yet we get to teach so many people in their native languages. Sister Harmer gives me daily updates about Denmark which usually begin with "See, that's the thing about Danish people..." Come to think of it, a lot of Sister Harmer's statements start with a similar beginning: I love her fascination with people and how they work. She's a psychology major and when she gets bored with psycho-analyzing her immediate surroundings she jumps back over the Atlantic ocean to that little European country where she did a study abroad for 9 months. I love it - she has a very logical approach that balances out my emotional one and helps me see how many directions a certain situation can be approached. Besides that we're becoming close friends who just happen to be companions.

Being in charge of making sure the district runs smoothly - logistically, emotionally, and everything else - is a real challenge. It's forcing me to be more organized and aware. Mom's excited about that last sentence, I'm sure. I really can't say I'm a huge fan of the additional meetings and instances requiring a suit jacket, but I am a huge fan of the added opportunity it gives me to get inside the lives of 7 other sisters serving alongside me and see how I can help. To talk to them, to be there for them, and hear their ideas and frustrations. I'm privelege now to a lot more information about them than I would ever have, and it helps me to understand them better. In short, I love the increased opportunity to help and love them. And the reverse - we're something of a little family at this point.

We even had a picnic. Hurried and simple, and without a blanket and basket, but we all brought brownies and Asian chicken wings (thanks Sister T. Wu (I'm adding the "T" because she always does)) and ate for 5 minutes before running over to the Conference Center for our first in-person annual "You go girls" meeting, aka the General Relief Society Meeting. It was a unique experience to come together with 20,000 other women (and of course how ever many millions more in the 162 countries it was broadcasted) to listen to the women leaders of the Church talk about getting down to business in building ourselves and others. Hats off to the prophet for his message on NOT JUDGING EACH OTHER SO MUCH, SHEESH! Ha, what a story teller that man.

Sister Harmer and I are both huge fans of women empowerment, as is my dear and old friend Sister Audrey Crandell, who sat on the other side of me (who would of thought back when we were each other's roommates) and we just indulged, to say the least.

Sister Harmer confirmed what we were all feeling as we walked out she said with a huge smile, "Don't you just want to high five every woman here?"

Well that's just the beginning, but thank goodness we will have the rest of our lives for me to say, "When I was on my mission..." ;)

Love you all,

Sister T. Kemsley

Thanks to Janelle, we now have photos of Tamarra's brush with fame.

with love (September 15, 2010)

2010-09-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

Hello Familia.

Another transfer, another assignment, another companion. This time it's Sister Harper of San Jose, California. Actually, she knows the Hollands quite well. Go figure. Fun Fact about Sister Harper: She hates all the Temple Square-isms as much as I do, and as we've been companions for about 6 hours so far that has been our main bonding point outside our mutual friends. That and she's stinkin hardworking. I'm really quite looking forward to this.

So guess what. Yes, really, I'm going to make you guess.

The answer: I am part of a new pilot program for missionary work. It's a mix of what I've been doing on the Square and a group called the chat group. We teach on the Square and anyone who decides they want missionaries and learn more we then invite them to set up an appt for us to teach them over the phone or online. That way we will get to see what happens and hopefully by the time the missionaries arrive they are a lot more ready for them and excited for them. We will also find people to teach via phone (nothing new), and people who come onto Mormon.org to chat. Any of these people we can set up to teach them as long and as much as they want until they get in touch with local missionaries.

I'm stoked.

But let me back up -

Once again, a warm hello to little Harper. Welcome to the world: it's a good one.

You don't happen to have any of those awesome pixs where the little brother's holding little sister? I would probably keep it under my pillow at night if such was sent my way.

Speaking of which, how are you feeling, Janelle? Did everything go smoothly?

Change of subjects: Wait a second, why aren't you roomming with Eden, Linea? Everytime I think on that I feel an emptiness inside me. Please explain (not the emptiness, but the roommate situation). Sorry they talk about boys. Weirdos. They should talk about sword fighting instead. Which, I am very curious, what kind of swords do you use? And do you feel like Wii prepared you at all for this experience? Oh my goodness, I'm having way too much fun with that. When I told my former companion (since today) about your sword fighting she gave me the most horrified look and asked, "Why?" I personally feel it's all in the title: SWORD FIGHTING. Funny you saw Andy, tell him I said hi and that we get Polish people all the time at Temple Square and have no one to translate. Some of them refer anyways and I personally count that as a miracle.

Speaking of miracles, here's one for ya.

So my friend Sister Etienne from Kentucky joined the Church pretty recently - just 3 years ago. So I asked her the infamous question - "Can I call any of your friends or family who are not members of the Church and invite them to learn more?"

Surprisingly her response was, "Yes, will you be real?"

I laughed and promised I would.

A few weeks went by and I forgot all about it so I was surprised when she stopped me and told me she had something for me. Usually when a sister here tells you that it's brownies. But instead she gave me a card filled out with three names. One of them she'd always wanted to share the message with, another was there when she was meeting with the missionaries and she wanted me to reinvite her to meet with them again. The third, however, was a friend that had been there for her in a rocky high school experience (I get the feeling things weren't great in Sister Etienne's home growing up). She had had two dreams about him ever since I asked her who I could call. She really felt like now was the time to call.

Uh, just a little pressure.

But I called. Told him I was calling on behalf of Jess.

"Oh, can you tell Jess that my stepdad just died?" he said in a deep southern accent. "She knew him." I talked to him a little more but he was so completely numb AND at the racetracks with him mom and all I could hear was tire on asphalt. So I said I'd call back.

When I did he was slightly more available at work in the liquor store he manages. I could hear guests going in and out but could tell he was listening, mostly because I was just asking him questions. It was one of those missionary moments where I feel like a news reporter reading the teleprompt and the Spirit's feeding the words. I hit on exactly what was bothering him in life, explained why Jess and I both wanted him to learn more about His Heavenly Father's plan for him and all of us, and got his address for his local missionaries in like 10 minutes or less.

When I told Jess she started to cry. "You have no idea what a miracle this is," she said for almost the next week.

So many experiences. SO many miracles. But yea, I include but a 10th of my prophesying.

Until next week, I love you all.

Tammy K

YEAH FOR HARPER! (September 9, 2010)

2010-09-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

Harper's so pretty!!! Harper Kate Patton. LOVE it. Plus September's a good time to have a birthday - not too close to any holiday, something to look forward to despite the onslaught of school. I'm really thinking ahead for this girl. Oh man, she's going to be so stinkin stylish with a mother like you, Janelle.

I love you all so much! I'm so excited. I'm loving having a niece already. When do I get to meet her...?

Hm, so this week. Good! Really good. Details...let's see...we took two Indonesian Muslim women around who cried the WHOLE time, like before we started talking. When I asked the especially weepy one what she was feeling she said, "I just always believed we lived with God before we were born and someone else believes it too!" Other commentary included, "Oh, the vibes here are just something..." and "This is absolutely of God", then finally, "This is fate." They didn't refer for missionaries, said they wanted to take it at their own pace, but asked where they could buy a Book of Mormon. My companion and I were a little sad they weren't going to meet with missionaries immediately, but I couldn't help but feeling hopeful and at peace with it all. Grateful, too.

What else...5 Iraqis came and I gave them my best version of an Arabic tour. They were professors and deans from universities at Baghdad and there abouts, and one worked in the State Dept here in Washington DC. They were lovely. Absolutely lovely. They were so respectful and open and though definitely academics listening mostly with an academic mind, there was one listening with his heart. All of them filled out their information for a Book of Mormon which we gave them right then and there (not our usual style but for those going back to China or the Middle East where there's no accessibility to missionaries we keep a supply) in Arabic. That means 4 more Book of Mormons for Iraq (I wonder if that doubles it or what).

I've taken up serious doodling in West Gate. You know, expanding my talents during the slow moments of which there are an increasing amount as we exit the Summer season. If I get stuck there another transfer I basically plan on being a professional.

Which we will find out next week, whether I will be there another transfer or not. Next week is transfer conference, somewhat of a momentous one as I'll be stepping into my 6th transfer out of 12. Halfway. Don't really know what to say about that.

Well, I love you all. Hope school's going well for everyone! Linea, let me know how BYU goes. Rachael Holland's doing really well in the RC and I'm excited for that. Also saw my good friend Sarah (i.e. Epona) who came to visit me in lieu of a football game. I can't believe I mean more to her than BYU football ;)

Love you all.

Tamarra

From Salt Lake (September 2, 2010)

2010-09-04T14:08:00.000-07:00

Guess who's getting baptized?

Kyle came back to the Square just a few days after he referred to tell me he had a baptismal date for mid-September. The kid was so endearing about it. I was talking to him about the Holy Ghost and he stops me to ask, "Oh, is that what I'm feeling here?"

Oh my goodness I grinned so big. "Yes. Yes it is."

"And that's what I'm going to get after I'm baptized?"

Based on the roundness of eyes you would of thought we were talking about a sports car. Nope, just the third member of the Godhead.

"That's exactly what you get."

Unfortunately his parents are so upset they've told him they don't want to talk to him or see him. And they definitely won't grant their permission for their underage son to be baptized. Good thing Kyle turns 18 three weeks later. The baptism will be then and the family that introduced him to the Church is driving up. His massive football roommate that's a member has also been a constant support.

"Welcome to the largest family in the world," I told Kyle when he told me about all the sudden support he's been experiencing from complete strangers.

"Yeah, I'm getting that feeling," was his reply.

He's really unphased by the parents thing whereas I would imagine I'd be freaking out. I told him Grandma Kemsley's story, how hard it was and how her mother really came around in the end and he appreciated that a lot. It sounds like the main problem is the massive misconception that we are not a Christian church.

"Who is Jesus Christ to the Mormons? Because for us He's our Savior," his dad said one day.

"That's exactly what they believe, what I believe."

His dad said he was wrong.

"Then you know what Dad? You pick up a Book of Mormon and read it and feel what I felt," was Kyle's response.

So the picture I'm attaching is Kyle and I and his First Councilor who walks through Temple Square on his way to and from work. By complete chance all three of us collided on the same time one day and laughed because all of this has been just too good to be chance from the beginning.

Well besides that things have been slowing down. I've resorted to teaching the drivers and tour guides who come with huge tour companies. While their tours are being showed around Temple Square and maybe it's something I should have been doing from the beginning because in talking with one I gave him the Book of Mormon to read about Alma's conversion story. He just clung to the book, like he wasn't sure if it was possible. I promised him it was.

"But I'm not sure because I'm from China and I only have exposure to Buddha. And Buddha doesn't say I have to stop drinking and smoking."

"Does Buddha give you that kind of joy?"

He had no reply so missionaries should be calling him any day to set up a time to go and teach him :)

Janelle! Your baby is so freaky! Don't worry, fetuses are never an accurate reflection of what they look like. But I don't know, maybe she will be grumpy based on that face she was making. I've been thinking of you a lot and praying for you tons so that you'll be safer this time around. I'm sure you'll be fine, but let me know when anything happens.

Linea would be joining a sword fighting club. I should have mentioned this earlier: BYU is actually exactly for you, Linea. Just please, for the sake of all of us, do not dress up in Rennaisannce clothes and pitch tents on the campus grounds playing flutes. I don't mind if you're even friends with those people, just so long as I don't pass one and recognize my sister in there ha. Sorry about the dehydration, that is rough for a while. And come! Oh please come! Every day I wonder if you're going to be there, but your proximity alone is kind of fun.

Let me know how the first day of school went for everyone. I feel so weirdly unaffected by it - first time ever.

- tammy k

oh, and i'm including the baby quail of last week. hopefully it's still alive.

90% chance I'll be here for conference.

Mabuhi, which is to say: hello (August 26, 2010)

2010-08-29T07:44:00.001-07:00

Mikaela, I'm stressing out because you're two postcards ahead of me - I tried to pick some up at the little hokey tourist shop up the street from me but it was definitely closed when I went there. All of this is to say, Love is on its way.

Sorry you have to travel so much, but it sounds like you have as much work as ever, Dad. That much is a blessing. I can imagine mom is missing you. She always did the moment you stepped out of the house.

Josh and the violin. AND glasses. I would love a combo shot one day of those three outfitted together. And Sean and the viola, huh? How'd you pick that one, Sean? I think it's great, so long as you don't go through your whole life annoyed at the ignorance of the general public in differentiating between a viola and a violin.

LINEA!!! YOU'RE IN UTAH!!!!! You're so tiny to be walking around BYU. OH MAN. Annie will be so excited to adopt you. She should be back from Tonga by now... Make sure you keep up the Kemsley Family tradition and make the JFSB your home. People are so funny studying in the cinderblock cellar of the library when there are posh couches, glass tables with outlets, natural light and some incredible artwork (minus the funny glob thing, which kind of looks like an over-sized and hardened piece of chewed up gum on a pedastal) on the 4th floor of that building. But then, there's always the designated "Ask Out" section of the library - that would be the 2nd floor and apparently sitting there is like putting on a sign that says, "I'm Single. Ask Me Out." Which is a handy place then if you're looking for a free meal ;)

What classes are you taking? What classes are Eden taking? How cool - such a story book, the story of L.I.M.E. In fact, you should get on that.

Wow. Am I ever bursting with news.

Guess who's going on a mission.

To New Mexico.

SPANISH speaking.

Rachael Holland sent in her papers 2 weeks ago and entered the MTC yestserday. Ha and she's already figured out where we we're going to live when we're back in school together because it's a really cute, cheap house and her mom's got all the info and knows to call (ha) in a year and a half to reserve us a place.

But she's so excited. So so excited. I can't wait to be writing her as fellow missionaries - those are some of the most meaningful emails. I'm so proud of her - I know it was a hard decision for her but the right one given her excitement and peace as we talked about it during one of her many trips to the Square. It was sad to say goodbye to her for 18 months for the second time, and this time for real. "Vaya con Dios," I told her.

She laughed, "What's THAT mean?"

I love the fact that she studied 5 years of French.

Guess who's allowed to wear basically anything classy and modest.

All sister missionaries in THE WORLD. I told Rachael that was God preparing the mission world for her. But seriously, the new pictures sent out with missionary packets include girls in patterned skirts, untucked shirts, polka-dot dresses with a JCrew flavor and a bandanna in the hair. Shoes of all patterns are authorized. Buckles and ruffles are a go. Collars are no longer required on Temple Square. Though none of that really applies to my wardrobe, the most exciting piece of news would be that both jackets we bought, mother of mine, are now a go. I decided it was the True and Living Church after all.

In other news, quail are the most populous animal here on Temple Square. Yesterday guests brought one over to us missionaries saying, "It fell out of a tree!!!"

A sweet thought, but let's face it, the trembling thing would never be welcomed back. We kind of adopted it. It's name is Arthur. And though it's not in our hands, we know he's in good hands (no, not God's, we didn't kill the injured bird), and one day I'll tell you more off the internet ;)

You're right Mom, a lot of administration in my new assingment, but I've found as much as I put myself out there God is able to provide me when someone that at least needs a pick-me-up. My favorite is as follows:

Three University of Utah students approached me one afternoon - two girls and a guy. I was kinda of teaching deprived and given they were my favorite demographic to interact with (versus old and retired), I really let them have it. I asked questions and bore testimony and they were friendly but Buddhist (no, not like Asian Buddhist, like New Age Buddhist) and just wanted to take pictures. When they walked away I wondered why I had let the girls dominate and totally ignored the boy due to his silence and maybe a little bit because of his beer bottle cap necklace (hey, I'm not perfect).

I figured they probably thought I was a religious zealot, came to terms that I kind of was. And felt like my day was pretty much a miss.

The next day I was walking back and forth in front of the gate, somewhat like a sentinal, my hands on my hips. In my head I was begging God for SOMETHING to do besides organize pens and tours for others to take.

In walked a boy. Who stopped suddenly. And stared at me.

"Can I help you?"

"Actually," he said, "I was here yesterday. And I talked to you."

I gave him my "I have no idea what you're talking about look."

"I was with my friends - one of them was Buddhist."

"OH. Yes. Hello."

"Yeah, I actually was wondering, could you tell me why you believe this instead of anything else?"

I looked at him. "Is your question sincere?" I've grown greatly weary of those who ask all the right questions before you've even said anything about the Gospel. Usually it's an indicator they're just there to challenge your faith.

"Yes."

"Okay," I said with a smile. "Step into my office."

I went over the booth and grabbed my Book of Mormon and together we read the passages in Alma 32 that had given me hope that I could have a testimony in this separate from my parent's, if I only had a desire to believe.

But why THIS religion, well he covered that with one of his offhand statements. "I'm nondenominational Christian, but I just can't believe that God's left us alone in this day, like they seem to suggest. Like, I read the Bible, and I just think God would be the same as then."

"You know this is true," I told him.

He did, thanks to some members of the Church who had invited him to Family Home Evening and shared with him the basic beliefs. To him, as to me, the concept that God would give us the same guidance as times past (prophet, his power and authority), just made sense. And so much more.

He asked us to set up an appointment between him and missionaries. The next day I was in a different part of the Square when I saw him. Almost guiltily he apologized, "I just can't leave! It's so peaceful here! It's like all my worries don't matter. And when are the missionaries going to bring me a hard copy of the Book of Mormon?"

"You could just go right next to door to Deseret Book," my companion suggested.

When we finished talking we looked behind us and saw him crossing the street to Deseret Book.

So so much more. So much more. Like Ban, an Iraqi woman with five kids and her husband - she's been going to Church every Sunday (hijaab and all) not because she understands very much of what is said or is going on, but because, she told me, she feels the Holy Spirit there. She's reading the Arabic version fo the Book of Mormon every night and said the same thing - she felt the Holy Spirit. I had the privelege to teach her about eternal families - she was all a flutter. And when I asked her if she believed Jesus was the Christ she said yes. "Like, Son of God?" (that's when Muslims get all fidgety, at least). "SAH." She said with a smile. Which is to say, YES.

I love my mission and I love you all. That Book of Mormon, man the stories I could tell you. It's changing lives.

Love Sister Kemsley

A Rainy Day in Salt Lake City (August 19, 2010)

2010-08-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

To the fam -

It's pouring outside. A bunch of us took refuge inside the booth that my dear Californian companion and I man for 6 hours every day and we were stuck in a storm inside listening to our tunes (our mission is let's us basically listen to whatever we want - honor code style, so I get to listen to some pretty legitimate stuff most of the time. I hear more Sufjan Stevens than EFY to be honest). Well here I am in the warm cozy safety of a 1920s hotel writing you all.

I didn't explain my new role here in Temple Square last week because I was kind of embarrased about it. For 6 hours a day Sister Kennedy and I are chillin in the booth on the western side of the Square. We're either insanely busy or insanely bored. We manage large tours, and, for example between 515 and 715 PM yesterday there was a tour of about 50 people coming in every 15 minutes. We're in charge of making sure that all goes down safe and sound - presenters (the sisters giving the tour), contacters (sisters who go with them as logistical support) all in place, flags distributed (we had too many Chinese tourists lost on the Square because they didn't know which missionary was there's and usually they don't speak any English), and microphones (yes, we use massively expansive and loud sound boxes - if these large tours aren't Asian they're usually old and retired) working. That's a fun process. Now this is all the while walk-ins are, well, walking in and requesting tours in any of our 44 languages. We have to arrange those as well. The cherry on top is that every time a sister (by which I mean missionary) finds a person speaking a foreign language who wants a tour, we arrange that. This is an all day long affair and our worst nightmare is when they call in for Korean (only two sisters speaking that these days) or Italian (just one). So we page out sisters in desperation. The soundtrack to moments such as these usually goes as follows:

"Can I have a Mandarin simplified Book of Mormon?" (the Chinese sisters use this one their tours instead of the English, for obvious reasons)

"Here you go."

(a different Chinese sister), "CanIhavetwoFamilyprocsmandarin?"

"Say please Sister Cheng."

Silence.

The phone rings: "Four. Map. French."

"Got it."

A page is sent out (French code: 1133).

"These people are from Canada and they would like a tour."

"Wonderful. If you would like to take a seat or get some water we'll have someone here for you in five to ten minutes." (spoken with excessive calm given the situation).

I take off in a half-sprint to a bored looking companionship walking away from West Gate. "SISTER DENNY! SISTER DRUGE!!!! CAN YOU TAKE A TOUR?!?!?!"

Meanwhile...

"Our tour is 20 minutes late, can you call them?"

"HeyKemsley, IneedfourmoreFamilyProcs."

And so it goes for an hour or so until everyone's gone and all Sister Kennedy and I are left with is a call from the South or North Visitor Center every 5-10 minutes asking us to page out sisters who speak Korean, Italian, French, German, Mandarin, and Brizilian. By which I assume they mean Portuguese and page accordingly.

A lot of the time it's quiet enough that only one of us stays inside the booth, the other mans the entrance. Sister Kennedy doesn't like that job all too much, and I much prefer it, so I am usually standing out there for 3-4 hours every day waiting for a chance to roll up my sleeves and get to work preaching (a word I do say with a wink).

I have seen miracles.

One of my favorites was sitting down next to a little Korean girl who for whatever reason was sitting as far as she could from her family as they waited for a Korean-speaking sister.

We just talked. She was probably 11 and was shy but her questions were deep.

"How'd you find Mormon?" she asked.

I smiled. Actually, I haven't, nor do I prefer to seeing as the guy's been dead since roughly 400 AD. But I knew what she meant. "I read this," I said, holding up my Book of Mormon we carry around. "And I prayed about it. I can't really explain it, but God told me in my heart it was true. It just makes me happy."

She looked up at me and then down again. "Have you seen God?"

I smiled softly, and looked at this young girl. I don't know what made her so shy or sit so far from her family, but I knew why she was asking. "I feel like I have. I haven't seen His face but I've felt Him sitting next to me when I've prayed."

She didn't respond right away and I couldn't help myself: "Why do you ask?"

"Because you seem real about God." The reply came without hesitation.

That was exactly when Sister Y. Kim from South Korea showed up and her family called her over.

She left and I just kind of sat there on the planter for a minute wondering what just happened.

More recently, in fact just a few days ago, I was standing there enjoying the weather and how peaceful the world felt when a woman with chopped hair and jeans and her little 9 year old girl walked through the gate.

I said hello to them. "Nice necklaces," I told the little girl named Marybeth. "What do they say on them?"

"Oh, this one protects the wearer from a horrible death and this one is Mother Mary," she said in her young voice.

"Well that sounds handy," I replied and kept the enormous smile on the inside.

"What...What can you show us? What can you tell us about this place?" The mother asked.

It's always a decision between, Should I go ahead and teach them? Or should they take a tour. I chose the former in this case, maybe because I felt the Spirit of God direct me to do so, maybe because I was bored, or maybe just because I really liked the vibe they gave off.

"Let me show you," I said.

I directed them over to these fancy new monitors where I can show them clips of movies and all the buildings. I taught them about the temple, how they pioneers built it, how that's where we go so we can make promises with God and each other with the power to keep our families together even after death. Things didn't take off so much there as the tabernacle. Standing right in front of it I told them how the pioneers built it like a dome so everyone could hear the voice of the prophet.

Lately I've been working on asking questions, increasing class participation, if you will. I find that takes the tour and makes it much more into a discussion and a lesson. So I went for it: "How would that make you feel to know there was a prophet on the earth today with the same power and authority as Moses?"

The woman had to wait for a second because tears were suddenly in her eyes. "Well, yeah, I mean yes. That would be great."

The Spirit whooshed in. Some cars were passing, some birds might have been chirping, but it was so still and peaceful between and around us.

"I want to show you something," I said, and pressed on the clip for the movie about Joseph Smith. They watched a boy searching for truth, kneel in prayer in a quiet grove, and in response become completely illuminated in a pillar of light. The source is not seen but understood: God and His Son personally answered this young boy's prayer. They watched in 20 seconds or less as this boy became a prophet and established a Church led by God, watched him tarred and feathered for it, and homes and families mobbed. They watched these people reassemble themselves and find joy in the Gospel they were living. It was brief but it was powerful. Afterwards we talked about it, talked about their experiences as they had run into a lot of members of the Church during their 3 week tour of the West, including other missionaries in other visitor centers. And so I asked, "Is this something you want to learn more about through missionaries in your own area?"

The mother looked to her daughter. "Marybeth, should they come and visit us and tell us more about Joseph Smith?"

The littled girl didn't move.

"Should we?"

Marybeth looked up at her mom and nodded, a smile on her face.

"Okay," her mom said, reaching out for the paper and pen to fill out her information. "Let's do it."

I've decided God could lock me away somewhere and still provide me with opportunities to teach those who are searching for it. The moral of the story, I guess, is that it's all one work, one field - which part you're working in is only symbolic.

Love you all. Thanks for the news from home. Sorry Victor Hugo is such an architectural snob - my companion thoroughly agreed when I told her you thought that, Linea.

Take care.

Tamarra

Taking Care of Things on the West Side (August 12, 2010)

2010-08-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

Hi there.

Back from Nantucket yet? I don't know how long you all were staying - one or two weeks. Hope which ever it is you're sufficiently stocked up on fudge, Risk games, and bike rides. Speaking of which, how were those fifty miles, Sean? You're legs a little wobbly after that? And I had no idea the Squires were there! Thanks for the email sampler - a different person every paragraph. A little cocktail of hellos, if you will.

Well, I love you all - Kemsleys and Squires alike. Here's a little update on how I'm doing...

Good.

Not like ohmygoodnessihavesomanystoriestotell! But not too shabby either.

I really like having my friend Audrey Crandell around, though I don't like calling her Sister Crandell so much. She's hilarious and adapting and I like being there for her through the process the way so many sisters were for me. It's good to have our good ol' break-the-Bible-down-in-Biblical-Hebrew convos back. There's some serious meat lost in translation and every time she tells me something I'm like wow, if only the rest of the world knew that. I hate it, hate having a book I love and believe in "used against" me by people. Especially when they don't know entirely what they're talking about. They'll be telling me how the Bible contradicts what I believe and telling me these stories like "and Delilah the war captain". And I'm like "You mean Deborah?" I believe every one of it's teachings no matter how many times a week someone tells me I don't. I've read it, studied it, and applied it. And I know people are always so afraid that the Book of Mormon is rift with heresy when all it has all the same teachings of the Bible, just different prophets because there were people on the opposite side of the world ready to receive the word of God but no way to broadcast Daniel, for example, on channel 11. No Youtube, in other words, meant multiple prophets and multiple books.

Which you all know, I just like telling someone who believes me I believe in the Bible. And now it's out of my system, so let's proceed.

I LOVE working with my companion Sister Kennedy. She's extremely California chill. Does her thing with an honest heart and doesn't worry about the rest. Her teaching style and mine flow. We don't have to plan what to say where and when like so many companionships have to do to stay on the same page. We just roll with the people and the Spirit. The result: Some really amazing teaching experiences.

One took the form in a young couple that just moved from LA to SLC for no real reason. They just did. And they were out for an evening walk, saw the Temple and were like "Uhh, what is that" and stopped in. They were living together and I guess thinking about marriage as we took them around and introduced them to everything. Tattoos and wife beaters and all they were so in tune with everything. We told them about the temple and I was like "Guess what, people get married in there."

She batted her eyes at him, and he smiled shyly.

"And not just for this life, but eternity."

They were psyched. Eternity sounded just right for them.

The whole time, everything we told them, they were like "That's incredible!" I was like I KNOW! It reaffirmed everything for me in my heart (sometimes my testimony gets a little tired after all the beatings) and something inside me shook itself off and stood a little taller. The power of the conversation was unbelievable - it's seriously like you're all in your own exalted, joyous world.

And so we asked, "Do you want to learn more from missionaries who can come and teach you?"

The response was, more or less, "Uh, duh."

It was like spiritual lightening. As we walked away my companion, an incredibly even-tempered person, didn't know what to do with herself she was so excited about how those two.

It would be cool to one day to see them again, maybe getting married in the temple.

But overall, my teaching experiences are limited - my companion and I are basically running all language tours and motorcoach tours. We start our day at 830 on the square, and like this morning we were there by 8 for an 830 motorcoach. It's fun, kind of a vacation to be honest, and for a week that was nice and much needed, but now I'm ready to get back in the game. I feel like I'm looking up at God and saying "Hey, put me back in the game, Coach!" I guess I'll just have to learn how to figure out teaching there at West Gate because I might be there for three months. I'll figure something out. And in the mean time my body is relishing in the slower pace.

Tomorrow I've got an Arab family coming to take a tour with me - they've been going to Church but don't always understand it. I'm not sure I'll be much help :( we'll see. wish me luck. rather, pray for me.

ps I went on a tour of the SLC Masonic Temple today and it was AWESOME. Said Anthony Hopkins and a few others had actually just been there 2 weeks filming for a movie called "Girls, Gambling and Guns" - a Western.

Picture attached: The guests can check their luggage with us if they're coming in from the airport. Well, one of them happened to check a check for 6500 dollars, so I took a picture with it.

What? The 5th Transfer?! (August 3, 2010)

2010-08-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, so some days I feel like this will never end - mostly when it's slow and I'm exhausted or when I can hardly talk to people I'm yawning so much. But today marks the last day of my 4th transfer and that's when I start thinking, "Wait, I'm not new anymore?" As Alia pointed out in her visit, I'm nearing my half way mark and that is weird. Equally as weird was when two new sisters and complete strangers told me they'd read my blog to prepare for their call as a Temple Square mission. I LOVED seeing friend and former roommate Ms. Audrey Crandell, now Sister Crandell, on the Square. They always do a practice round during the MTC experience, so she's coming officially tomorrow. I'm psyched to have such a good friend on the mission - will for sure save me in postage.

You're all in Nantucket right now probably on a bike ride or playing an extreme version of croquet in the backyard, Curious George entertaining two little boys now instead of just one, and Linea's reading and laughing out loud and trying to explain what's so funny but you just don't get it between all the breakdowns and explanations. Makes me happy to think of you all getting a break (of sorts) and congregating with each other to do it. Family's important, I'm learning.

And speaking of families, Sister Ishijima and I gave a tour that will forever go down in my book as one of my most exciting ever. Let's be honest, pulses raise no matter the persons, but when they're from DARIEN, CONNECTICUT, it suddenly becomes a bit more personal.

The family walked in and when they learned where I was from they demanded a tour from me. "I'm sort of on desk duty..."

"Well, then find someone to replace you. Can't you?" asked the mom (oh, the good ol' Northeast for sure).

I did. My lovely district leader gladly covered and the two of us gave them a tour.

They LOVED it. Oh my goodness and I loved them. Four teenagers and a mom that was totally northeast and a dad who was Armenian--accent and all. They were very, very Armenian Apostolic and so I pretty much gave up hope from the beginning they would be interested in learning anything more after the tour but we gave it our all. As the tour went on their true natures - sincere, spiritual, deeply scholared in the Bible - slowly revealed themselves. I was impressed. And we got to be friends, talking about old football rivalries and life back in Fairfield county. The relationship was there, the spirit was there, and so we braved it and gave them a card to fill out, inviting them to leave comments and fill out their information for more. The mom spent forever on it (oh my goodness I honestly have no nails left because of moments like these). Finally she passes it back and it's entirely filled out...but no boxes are checked.

Here we go for the reinvite: "Did you want to receive a Book of Mormon?"

All knee-jerk like three of the teenagers responded, "YES!"

"That's what I was thinking," said the mom.

And so I put a beautiful "X" in my favorite little box that means someone will get a Book of Mormon.

Hugs and love all around (she wanted to know if she could bring a letter home to my mother), we step outside: "So when do we get the book?" asked one of the boys.

"It's coming," I promised. "Missionaries will bring it and explain to you all more about it."

That sufficed them quite thoroughly.

Needless to say this family has been in prayers. So you all keep an eye on that part of town (is that the New Canaan ward? Because that's where I sent it) and let me know if any family of 6 starts coming to church. The Balians. I saved all their info so I can visit them when I get back.

It's been a little slow for a Summer, I'll be honest. Definitely more to do, but not as much as years past. But every day I walk home I find myself thinking "I am SO glad I got out of bed this morning."

It's not easy fulfilling ancient prophecy, to be sure. But most certainly worth it.

Thanks for the letter, Kara! And most definitely appreciated as you are probably sick on the train by the time you've penned a sentence. Glad you used U2 in a talk you gave in Church - I don't see why the General Authorities have overlooked that one for so long ;)

And let's just say I wasn't secure in my alphabet when I started Kindgergarten (I distinctly remember being laughed at my first day of school), and your son has figured it out by himself by 3, well, I'm beginning to doubt if we're actually related. That's insane. Start saving for Harvard.

Love,

Tamarra

attached are pictures of Alan's baptism:)

PS - I will begin tomorrow with my first American companion. She's from California. I hear she's great, but I'm supremely shocked and disappointed to lose Sister Ishijima. This has had to be my favorite transfer yet. At least this way we won't be stopped every 10 feet with an RM that wants to practice his/her mission language because that can get a little old.

PPS - It happened. I told someone from Utah I was from Connecticut and they asked what language I spoke. Granted, it was an extremely rural town.

PPPS - Set with names, papa. Thanks.

Miracles and the Like (July 27, 2010)

2010-08-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

Every time you write me, Linea, I end up reading your letters out loud to everyone eating lunch at the same time as me. Your story was publishable, that you waited in line from 6 AM, meeting 30 year old versions of yourself in the process - playing Barrel of Monkeys on their blanket as you wait - and then disbanding after you just BARELY missed the last tickets only to find that Kara actually won the tickets in a raffle. A raffle. Not exactly Risk, Monopoly, or basketball but the girl's still winning.
Cheered me up, to say the least.
So did hearing about your stay in the CT town Gilmore Girls is set in, Mom and Dad - you both deserve it.

And why yes, Cameron is a cutie. It was so lovely to find my sister in my mission world and have her come and be a part of it. Her and Brian and Cameron and Kevin were such a blessing as I took them around and showed them my favorite places and some of my most meaningful places. I loved it. Absolutely loved it. Far from distracting me, it encouraged me on. Refreshed me and reminded me how fast this experience is going: 7 months, just 11 to go. Still, it was sincerely weird to here her refer to herself as "mom" - right up there with biZAARE. But i can tell she's a good one, she and Brian raising a beautiful little boy (and both still looking so dang good).

Yes, Temple Square is constantly busy. Lot's of strollers - and I've noticed this new thing, Hummer strollers, designed to fit up to 3 kids of all ages including standing, sitting, and car seat-ed. They take turns at the widest angle possible and usually have at least 2 diaper bags hanging off them. They plague Temple Square, as do their tired and hungry inhabitants. In other words, it's definitely stretching us as missionaries as we work in the midst of crying kids, construction, and Mandarin tours that take over the entire the building they inhabit. You learn to roll with it, embrace it, make it into a sort of missionary obstacle course. And the crowds are definitely bringing more to do.

We're constantly teaching. Every 10 minutes I get a page - someone needs Spanish or English or Arabic. The desk continues to bring people who aren't willing to commit to a tour but do want to learn and in the end request missionaries. Two days ago I taught a man from Hungary about the Book of Mormon. He doesn't live there though, he lives in Connecticut. My first CT referral. Sister Ishijima took two families from England - from Kent and Surrey - around and it was, hands down, the most spiritual UK tour I've had yet. They were teary-eyed as my Japanese companion tried her little heart out to express her love for Jesus Christ in her broken English. And at the end the mom of one of the families told me, "They did the right thing sending you here." That was a huge comfort as every day I feel like I seriously botched at least one thing.

Okay, so not an award winner, but for anyone who's ever seen "The Guardian" with Ashton Kutcher in the Coast Guard, there's a part that's always struck me. At the end he asks his trainer, "So, not that numbers matter, but how many lives have you saved?"
"11."
"Oh...well, I guess that's a lot."
"That's how many I've let drown."
I find myself tracing the same mentality - it's not the good I do but the mistakes I made that stick to me. That's where a lot of my stress is coming from. Time to let that go. But at least I'm slowly identifying the thought patterns that distress me, and when that happens, well you know where to get to work. I feel like I'm aware of my faulty thinking for the first time: I at least know I'm being irrational. Baby steps, baby steps.

But back to the miracles...
We were walking outside of the old church building when we saw a woman taking pictures. We walked past when the Spirit of God put me in reverse.
"Nice camera." I hate trying to get people to talk to you.
"Thanks, just taking a day off from my nursing conference."
"Oh, my mom's a nurse."
And so on and so forth until we moved past the daily and on to that common make up in all of us: So...what's true anyways?
Her mom was Methodist and her boyfriend was something else and she just wasn't sure what to do it about it.
"There's good in all churches, but there's something here," I told her, "that's different."
"I know, I just don't know what it is."
"Do you have 20 minutes?"
She did.
It was beautiful. One of those holy moments when human walls evaporate and people put their hearts in our hands. She went from rough and tough to a softer version of herself. We simply told her why the heck the pioneers walked 1300 miles and why we're here for a year and a half. She was so ready to understand who she was, and why she was here that God could work through us powerfully.
She had already been on a tour so we asked, "Did you fill out one of those white cards?"
"No, I just walked past it."
"Do you want to fill one out and learn more?"
"Yes." Such a powerful little word that came with such relief from her that day.

Besides that, it's been so so wonderful teaching many an Arab. They've come through with such serious and sincere questions. They want to know if it is true or not - they're not here for history or even a debriefing on "mormonism". They're here to know why we're here, why these buildings are here, if Joseph Smith really saw the Father and His Son. I've been so blessed to see how aware God is of every. single. child of His. He's so intent on our happiness.

With love.

Tamarra

Picture: Sister Gaggini on the left from Switzerland and Sister Viktorstam from Sweden on my right (who actually gave me a tour two days before I got my call). Those two make me laugh harder than anything. At a Pioneer Day picnic (at 25 miles from Temple Square it was the farthest I've been from the Square in 6 months. It was a little bizarre).

The Purple Bandanna (July 20, 2010)

2010-07-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

So, I got your letters on Tuesday, and it wasn't until Friday that I finally found a way to enjoy them: Summer is on the busy side, you might say. Sean! You're just lovely. I loved seeing you finding ways always to connect to my experience - I can't say a mission is exactly high adventure what with your white water rafting at all (I love that stuff too, by the way, you and I will have to do it together sometime), but it's very true that those sister missionaries that showed you around Joseph Smith's old stomping grounds are essentially doing the same thing I and other missionaries are doing - doing their best to follow the Spirit to say what they need to say and meet who they need to meet to help those who are looking come closer to Christ. Glad you "really felt the spirit the whole time" - 5 hours in that sacred tent of trees we call the Sacred Grove, that's quite the spiritual spoiling ;) Oh, and sorry you were forced to dance with two girls at the youth dance. I mean, what a bummer. Especially if they were cute - gross.

So when you were describing the whole freaky scene with GLADoS, Linea, I totally thought of that flying claw in the Forest Temple and got the chills all over again. Remember how you used to have to leave the room when I was fighting that thing? You'd just break and suddenly in an angry voice leave Mom's and Dad's room saying "Okay, I'm LEAVING." Anyways, the thing sounds like a demented Navi and I'm hugely intrigued. I don't know how much mission detoxing it will take before I can play video games but you've definitely given me something to work towards with that hour long description.

And so interesting. Grandma sent me an excerpt from her missionary journal, and one of the experiences I remember reading in an email 6 years ago. The one about the woman crying in Grandma's arms. Maybe it's not the same episode, maybe Grandma had more than one of those instances, but I remember reading it back then and feeling like visitor center missions were really strange, but it stayed with me, and I've kept it in my mind my whole mission thinking, yep, visitor center missions are really strange, and really miraculous now that I have such experiences myself. Really cool that out of everything she could have sent me it was that, after having someone cry in my arms a week ago.

DAD!!! SOOO funny and kind of disturbing about your Russian spy friend. I started asking people if they knew about a Russian spy being caught and they'd be like "Oh yeah" and it gave me the chills to think she's one of your old students from work. I'm just so surprised that after so many Bourne movies and Alias episodes you couldn't pick up on her scent. I mean, honestly. You and Mom, by the way, have been very helpful in everything emotionally - thanks for the dearelder-ed love and praise and council. Helps. I'm making breakthroughs of healthier, more rational and optimistic thought every day.

Soooo, guess who's going on a mission? Rachael's been trying to find me on Temple Square for a few weeks and finally did - she made the decision and had her papers in 2 weeks later. Should hear back soon and I'm pretty much in awe. She's going to be the smile and laugh so many people need in this struggling world.

Temple Square's been lovely. I don't have any photos yet but I will try my hardest to describe the baptism of my dear friend Alan.

I first met the man when I stopped to talk to him on a cold and rainy day. That was in March. Throughout the months he taught me and my companions about suffering and faith, about the beauty and comfort in scripture, about his mission in Taiwan, and how to survive on the streets of Salt Lake - this during those cold, snowy Spring months when the Square was more missionaries than guests. Sometimes my greatest breakthroughs in understanding God came as we spoke.

There was one that I really consider a joint effort, if I can flatter myself so. "I know the scriptures talk so much about the Spirit settling, as though it were coming down out of heaven, but I feel it's the opposite, really, that the Holy Spirit of God brings us to where He is and we..." For once the poet in the purple bandanna fell short of words.

But the words still wanted saying, and somehow something connected and I knew what he was talking about, "We see who we really are."

"YES! Yes. Yes, that's exactly it."

Those were my most sacred and treasure moments in this life thus far, and I felt them realized in other's experiencing them.

He was a constant in constant change and a friendly familiar face in a sea of strangers. Seasons passed and it was a warm May when Sister Tating and I sat down next to him on a sunny bench if he would get baptized, since he had left the Church.

He thought about it. Probably not, was the ultimate response.

I didn't sleep too well that night.

But then one day he told us he'd gone to Church - the Spirit of God had demanded it, was his simple "well, duh" explanation. It'd been hard - a little old woman had asked him to remove his bandanna and the musical number was terrible, but he was obedient and stayed the full hour, and then came back the next week for full. He started getting involved in the activities and having friends. Then miracles started to take place and he couldn't resist any longer.

It was four weeks ago when sisters kept coming up to me telling me Alan was looking for me. Finally he found me and with all that bravado that is Alan he announced, "I want to meet with the missionaries, can you set that up?"

I was stunned to a type of silence so that I hadn't said much when he walked away.

It took some figuring out - turns out he didn't need any missionaries seeing as he was already a member of the Church at one time. And as I mentioned earlier, the effort on our side as sisters to get there, was monumental.

6 o'clock exactly a week ago we drove into the parking lot of your stereotypical brick LDS chapel, and walked through doors into the same carpet and cinderblock of 100s of other Church buildings. But there was Alan - in the white jumper....and a white bandanna - his sister had sewed it for him for the occassion.

I met Alan's mom - she hugged me and when I looked up there were tears in Alan's eyes. Their family was sweet, and shocking. They were as normal as the building. I mean, they're ancestors were the same pioneers I told stories about. This family had been living in Salt Lake City suburbs since covered wagons. And yet this was a baptism for their homeless and gay son - a rebaptism, no less.

And it was glorious. It was among my most holy experiences. Alan asked to be held under the water until he ran out of air and stayed submerged in the font for a minute. He came above the water soaking, breathless, and overjoyed. After he and the man who baptized him exited the font I couldn't help but move up front and just stare at the water, half expecting to see something changed. I just couldn't believe the degree of divinity I felt coming from essentially an oversized bathtub - blue tiled floor and all.

We all sat stunned into silence (except those 5 years and under, of which there were a number just like any good baptism) while he changed. It didn't take him very much time to pull the same jeans and shirt I'd seen him in and trade the white bandanna back for his purple one. Without saying anything he sat back down and the piano music kept a-goin until the baptizer came in.

Then came the confirmation. The men stood around him in that holy ciricle of priesthood and with their hands on their head returned to him the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. It was a very long blessing his father offered on behalf of Alan's Heavenly Father and held great meaning to anyone who had had any part on this man's 7 year journey. There were things I learned about God as I listened, but mostly I watched. I watched his face because I was the only once that could see his face between the black suit jackets of two men in the circle. The tears poured down his leathery face. Holiness took the cinderblock room and all its inhabitants far, far away from the suburbs of Salt Lake, and Utah, and the world. We were in a much holier world I've only stepped foot on a few precious times in my life. How much God loved this son of his I cannot tell for all my years wrestling with words I can't pick the right ones. It was just pure.

Alan bore his testimony, and though far from a pity party I came to understand just how poignantly painful it is to be homeless in Utah during the winter season, and how close to the brink of death this man had come. Though 33, this man's hair was already deeply graying, and I could see why.

Afterwards the silence was perhaps even more stunned as we waited for the closing prayer.

"Sister Kemsley," said the Bishop looking around at me, "Would you like to say the closing prayer?"

I stood up, "I'd love to."

I don't know why it had meant so much to me, but I had been silently begging in my heart for an understanding of my place in all of this, for a part in this play. To seal the experience was what I wanted more than anything. And so with my heart stretching to new sizes of love and joy I thanked God with all I had for this moment, and prayed that all of us could have those moments when the Spirit brings us high and we see who we really are. I don't know if everyone in the room understood, but when I opened my eyes Alan gave me the wink and I knew he at least he knew.

Before we could leave Alan stopped us. "Wait, I have something for you," he told the four of us sisters. And out of his bag he pulled bandannas - he had quite a collection after his experience. It was funny, and loving, and deeply symbolic: his 7 year journey, which culminated in homelessness, we had just saw end.

"Honestly," he said, "You all played such an important part. You all accepted me and that's when I realized that this was my people and where I was headed. That my journey was a circle, and I was coming home."

The purple bandanna from off his head he gave to me.

I love you all so much and can't wait to sit around and tell you everything (you're all like, oohhh nooo ;). Yesterday, for example, we got to take a bunch of foster kids around. It was so beautiful. I love my mission.

Love you all.

Tamarra

ps, pictures of alan's baptism to come.

pps i meant to say, i startle people at how loud i laugh at the things she comes up with. she's not a disturbing person like that last email may have suggested the way i worded it

Another Week in the Life (Tuesday July 13, 2010)

2010-07-13T14:51:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

So so good to hear from you all.

Sorry it's so hot over there, and that the air conditioning is broken. You could make like a Temple Square missionary and say, "Well, the pioneers didn't have air conditioning." It's been used to comical proportions and can take an every day complaint to new heighths of wit and novelty if applied correctly.

Glad you're gaming away, Linea. I'd be highly disturbed if it was anything different. And how cool, Janelle, that you and Jill will soon have daughters of equal age. I imagine the two of you will find some way to shop for girl clothes in the next year.

Kara, I was much more shocked at your hand-written letter than your passing your final actuary test ;) No, I was seriously thriiiiilled at the news and loved how it was staggered over two days on your notepad paper ;) There's something special about knowing that it was penned on the train running to and from New York. I bragged to someone about you at the Square, saying you'd passed them at your age, and they were blown away. You know, you could forget a lame African Safari and come to the lovely mountains of Utah this September and get a personal tour around some sweet historical buildings. Seriously, cheetahs or the Christus?

Well, as for the mission these days, I love it, but sometimes I want to stab it in the eyes. Though as I evaluate that statement, I realize that could be said of about any stage of life. So I guess it's great.

I've officially earned myself the title of Temple Square's hippie which is a little surprising for me because besides my love for granola, running barefoot in the morning, and all things organic, and my hate for shaving, structure, and the styrofoam cups we use in the kitchen, I have no idea where they get that from. It really all came to a head when Alan came to me and asked, "Guess who's getting baptized on Thursday!?!" My homeless friend of months is getting baptized today and despite a thousand phone calls, rules broken unknowingly, people offended, tears, and generally all the debris caused when I blunder my barefeet and unshaven legs through intricate organized systems, I'M GOING!!!!!!!!! I have seriously hoped and prayed towards this moment since early April and can't wait to see that good man baptized. It's funny because did I teach him? No. He taught me. Or we learned together, on occassion. But was I implemental? Yeah, I was. I was the first one to sit down and really let him weigh out his spiritual journey. "You didn't reject me," he said. "You could have - I break all the rules. But you accepted me. The sisters at Temple Square accepted me and that gave me the courage to go to Church." It was a team effort, for sure, and as such there are four of us going and pictures will ensue.

I'm just going to say, I love my compy, i.e. companion. She has a fettish for all things Disney and "so cute" in general that just absolutely endears me. Sometimes when I talk I'm not sure if she can understand me. And there's a silence. And more. And I have to rephrase it more slowly. Other times there's a silence, and then, she takes it another step farther and I usually startle people with the things she comes up with. I couldn't really explain it, but here's a picture, and I know this is short but we've been eating cereal for a week and can't miss our ride to the grocery store. Remind me next week to tell you all about Min Wu - the 22 year old girl that cried in my arms and said she loved me when she found out she was a daughter of God. Or the 54 high school students from London that walked off the street and we taught them the first lesson in 15 minutes here. Rather, I guess I just did.

Oh my goodness. I had planned to tell you so much more. Someday...

Sister Ishijima

The Jungle (Tuesday July 6, 2010)

2010-07-06T13:21:00.001-07:00

Hey There.

I love you all.

Thanks for the letters - ha, everyone seems to be on the same writing schedule as I went a week with nothing and 5 letters in one day. So fun to hear from all of you - everyone sounds well and happy and that life is doing it's thing. Bummer I missed the Edwards - it's hard cuz there's someone here almost every week looking for me and I tend to miss them most often. Since they've cracked down on not paging each other for visitors in the Summer time it's harder and harder to find a sister that will actually page you. There are now only two assured ways to find me: Call for a tour with me ahead of time (yes, I can be booked), or find an Arab and convince them to come with you, thus enabling you to request an Arabic tour. Or just request one, Arab-less and all, and shrug at the resultant looks of skepticism.

Speaking of which, you still coming Alia? Because my excitement is growing.

And, of course, another matter of important business: My dearest Mikaela, two days have past since your birthday and I've thought of you often. Guess what? Even Utah celebrates your birthday with fireworks. Except a little love in the mail because you are my favorite 15 year-old sister, coast to coast. What did you do for your birthday? Get some sweet gifts? Did you see a play for your birthday? Go out to dinner with the padres? Btw, are you still studying Italian? Keep that up - it'll help you on your mission ;)

The Square is filling up. It's legitimately summer, having skipped right over Spring, and besides startling all of us who suddenly went from wool coats to short sleeves, has brought a multitude of guests. My little Japenese friend and I have been teaching up a storm with still more motorcoaches and walk-in tours all the time. Still more Japanese, Spanish, and while I didn't take a tour in Arabic this week, I took around my future Arabic teachers as they walked out of the Conference Center after a Choir broadcast Sunday morning.

I knew one of them because of his omnipresence in the Arabic department and greeted him with a "Salaam Aleikum". Usually I greeted him and his worker guests at the Skyroom there on campus; that morning as a missionary. He had two Arab men with him - one of them a new recruit to the Arabic dept, and probably a future teacher of mine.
"You should get a tour."
"Can you?"
I found my companion who was responsible for taking any Japanese guests after the broadcast let out. "Anyone?" I asked.
"Uh-oh."
"K," I said. "I've got ourselves an Arabic tour then."

It was SO fun. Their English was basically fluent so for the sake of teaching in a companionship (and the terror of giving an Arabic tour to a professor), we did it in English, small-talking our way through in Arabic. I carefully crafted the tour to them, away from graven images and the like, landing us in the Assembly Hall where the tour went from professional to personal when they started asking the deeper questions.

"Give me two points, just two main points, of Mormonism," Mahmoud asked.

You professors, I thought, thinking of Dad. "There aren't two points," I told him. "But I do have a story for you."

"Oh good, I like stories," he said with a smile.

So Sister Ishijima sat down in front of them, rolled up our sleeves, and told the story of the Church from Christ to Joseph Smith to today. One of them even had a 14-year-old son with them who loved the fact that Joseph Smith was that age when God appeared to him. The professor who is a member of the church had dodged out to get his wife, had had since returned and remained very silent. For a second I wondered if I should step down and just water it all down, but I thought, no - I'm a missionary and they're asking the questions. I still don't know what my professor thought but the men were so, so interested and invested in the conversation: We were in our own little world there in the pioneer-crafted church, oblivious of milling guests and other tours. The Spirit soaked us right through.

As I felt us coming to a close I told them, holding up the Book of Mormon I said, "I didn't always believe in this. I had to read and pray about it. And it was hard. I remember really wrestling with God when I was just 11 years old. But the answer I received is why I'm here and not in Cairo right now."

They knew what I was referring to - the study abroad my Arabic level was on right now, and that one of them had just been over working there with. And it made it real for them, and made them smile. And me. And I realized God had me over at the Conference Center on this day this time - a rare occasion for sure - so that I could feel the gratification once more of making the right decision. The chance to bear that testimony gave me so much joy there was no room for regrets.

We parted and did so letting them know there is an Arabic Book of Mormon. Sister Ishijima did that in her cute but firm little way. The men shook our hands firm with all gratitude and awe in the world (mostly due to the Choir's performance than ours' I believe).

One of the deepest gratifications I've received on the mission is teaching people who Jesus Christ is. With my companions I've started with absolute scratch with some people - namely Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and Hindus (and especially the latter). Taking through the meaning of a Savior, His love for them, and His teachings is one of the greatest blessings I've received in my 21 years. It makes me feel so close to Him - I feel Him so closely when it comes to that. He gives me the words to say to touch their hearts and open them to His existence. Those are the moments I feel so charged with the divine that afterward I crash, physically spent.

And physically spent I am. I am my worst enemy - everything points to "You are a good missionary" but I am relentless upon myself just as in times past. The constant beating combined with the intensive schedule leaves me empty and Sister Tating told me today she's worried by the way I've looked of late. My mission president and my doctor said the same thing, word for word at times, and both times I felt my heart beg to listen: This is YOUR mission - enjoy it. The aching sensitivity also makes me so defensive (mom's like "oohhh yeah") so that I can't handle the constant potentially constructive instruction. I just wilt under the slightest "You should be doing this." Could use your help - mainly letters and prayers, as I come face to face with what's always been my greatest struggle: my oversensitivity. I feel so weak and tired by this burden I've carried so long and I know that this mission is specifically designed for me to face it. It's like Harry Potter and Voldermort - one or the other has got to go ;) The prospect of really overcoming it has only recently and I can't wait to be rid of this ball and chain. I can see Dad's response: Patience, and the Atonement. Ha, and you're right padre, it will take a while.

Love you all. Time to go home to rest and bake some banana bread. Why yes, I do know I'm living the life ;)

tk

I Love My Family (Tuesday June 29, 2010)

2010-06-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

Janelle sent me pictures from Linea's graduation. What a cool family we have - who else there had their name spelled out in posters and enough siblings to hold them all? It actually rather quickly reminded me of one of the Church-made commercials encouraging family bonding where a girl finishes her song at a violin recital and her brothers jump up and down with foam fingers, cheering like she made a touch down. I always thought, "That would be my family," and lo and behold, my suspiscions were confirmed.

Mikaela, you got glasses?! They look so good! You look great, really.

Linea, way to pull off one of the socially risky tasks ever taken upon mankind: the Teacher Appreciation Dinner. That takes serious guts and skill. I'm not at all surprised it was a complete success. And hahaha! Tammy Hughes getting all cute about the invite - tell her hi for me, Mikaela. Is she married to Lou yet?

Janelle - when is my niece due? You're officially pregnant (self-indulgent validation right there as I'm sure you're really quite aware). I can't hold babies for the entire 18 months of my mission for legal reasons, so I might just steal the kid somewhere around the day of July 6th, 2010.

Weird, huh? A year left. I think the 6th is actually a week from today. I can't believe that, and mostly don't want to because then you're just scratching off months and there are only 12. I guess the evidences are showing - I'm in my fourth transfer and could be called outbound therefore at any time (though I'm guessing I won't go out til Dec/Jan). I'm senior companion, which isn't a huge whoop, but it does place added responsibility as I become the one to look to for decisions in a crisis, our schedule, and our study schedule though in most companionships the lines of senior/junior are most invisible. I think the responsibility is just especially great because my companion really really struggles with English.

Guess what! She's Japanese!!! I was shocked when I found out. I'd seen her before but she's as quiet as she is little. I had no idea how she taught or anything, but the transition was effortless. We've been together a week and I love Sister Ishijima like a little sister. She's one of Temple Square's hidden gems. She's a very good teacher, knows exactly how to balance everything, and smiles big showing off her dimples to everyone after every sentence. For the first time I'm completely fascinated by her previous life. She went to hair school in Tokyo and would go out to McDonald's or cheap Italian every day after school. She just turned 22 and wanted all her life to serve a mission. Though sorely disappointed when she received her call, she stuck it through and works herself thin every day and it seems the more tired she is the more she smiles. She humbles me constantly.

That's why it was a little shocking when we received our assignment for the transfer: North Visitor Center desk. This means we have to stand next to the entrace to one of two visitor center's here on Temple Square and greet people. Obviously I'd always made of this assignment, saying it was like Abercrombie - they put the pretty sisters there to greet.

A few tears of painful humility might have been shed, and then resolution set in: "That desk is going to be a miracle machine," I declared inwardly.

And so it has been. We hit it hard and in three days we found three people who said they wanted to learn more (aka a referral - they fill out a card and we send the information through) from just talking to people there - including a Japanese family.

Another advantage to this desk is that it's the busiest desk and we receive people almost constantly asking for tours, many of them language tours. Thus we become something of the pointgaurds at Temple Square something of a pointguard as we get on the phone and are constantly calling in the troops. This lends itself to its own kind of inspiration. When talking to a woman I had the overwhelming sense that she needed to take a tour. I was able to set it up with sisters I felt were right for her after the two the sisters came back almost jumping up and down - the woman had been looking for the message they were able to share. I call an assist on those ;)

Sense I'm strapped to a spot for four hours I can indulge in non-tour conversation more and have made a lot of friends, people who make sure to say goodbye to me before they leave. I love kneeling down next to little kids next to the interactive map of Jerusalem and telling them stories about it. Sister Ishijima split the work and so it's a lot of solo time, but when the hours are slow she teaches me Japanese. I can now introduce myself, tell someone I have to go to the bathroom, that I'm thirsty, and other essential expressions.

Most the time though, 2/3 of the time, Sister Ishijima and I simply tract the Square answering English, Arabic, Japanese and Spanish pages. We're kept pretty busy - had two Japanese tours last week, 2 Arabic, 1 Spanish and half a dozen English. And since it's motorcoach season we've been assigned busloads of people on several of occassions as well. We've taught two groups of 30-40 and that's been a trick to figure out as neither of us have done that before. We've also taught HUGE groups of youth, and there's something unique there that gets me so fired up. I can't explain it - Dad, I think you'll understand.

I've had a lot of memorable experiences. I was able to talk to a new mother in Denmark this morning over the phone who wanted to know, if she died, would she see her daughter again? I told her she could and asked her if she wanted to learn more. She did so I set it up with the missionaries and was able to call her friend back who referred her to me and tell her the good news. Her friend began to cry.

Finally, my homeless friend Alan I've been encouraging to be rebaptized (he left the Church) is coming back. And is so excited. I can't wait to go to that baptism.

Love you all. Would tell you more but the computres shutting down in 30 seconds (it's 900 PM).

Tamarra

Another Week Down (June 19, 2010)

2010-06-22T16:04:00.001-07:00

Hola Familia-

Que pasa?

Thanks for the updates padres. I get to call you tomorrow - 730 PM your time. I was going to ask, Does that work? before I realized I'm not checking my emails between now and then. The mission teaches you trust and patience in unique ways and communication/lack thereof/delay is def one of them. Can't imagine what it's like for people serving in Fiji.

Sheesh, what did happen this week? I don't even know. Mostly a lot of youth. Been working almost exclusively with high shool aged youth coming through in masses (we just took a tour of 40) through Welfare Square. I've learned that on that kind of gig you decide whether you're a tour guide or a missionary. I've worked my heart out to make sure I don't fall into the easy job of the first, but am constantly tailoring the experience to those who come through so that they can leave feeling that awesome feeling of "Wow, that was exactly what I needed to hear in answer to ___." For those who are LDS I want them to leave recommitted to the Gospel, taking their callings and lives to the next level. Most of all I want people to see how loving God is, that He feels the hunger pains of every one of His children. I had no idea the Church used fast offering money to save 1-2 million lives in Ethiopia during the famine of 2003, and that the Atmit formula the Church used to do it is still being deployed throughout the world. And get this, a 6 month supply, the amount needed for a child to go from starvation to healthy weight and normal food, is $5. I kind of think of it as a modern "loaves and fishes" miracle: we give so little, and God turns it into so much more.

I try really hard to get to know the names of as many in the group as possible, and then get them involved, calling on them by name. It personalizes the experience for me, hopefully for them, too, but definitely for me. Plus it's a source of amusement because they tend to be really unique. I think one of my proudest moments this last week was keeping a straight face when someone told me their name was Stormy.

It's rewarding at the end of the tour to have the youth feel like your a friend, and the leaders relieved that we kept their interest, and see people cry looking at a bunch of steel pipes that pumps cottage cheese, and when people who come very wary of Mormons warm up and at the end declare that we're not so weird - in fact, they wish their kids would convert to such a church. But still, my favorite part is working in the bishop storehouse helping people get their groceries.

This week I helped a woman pregnant with triplets and a woman dying of cancer. I also helped a 20 year old girl get groceries for her and her mom. Her name was Elizabeth and she was going to community college and living at home, just doing generals but plans very seriously on becoming a heart surgeon because her mom has suffered from heart problems all her life. I met a woman addicted to pain medications with a one year old son who goes to church every week and is working so hard to become clean and grow closer to her Savior. She was so kind and determined I told her in a very matter-of-fact voice, "You'll get over it. You're strong." I just knew she would. And randomly I felt to talk about music. She said, "Yeah, see there's the problem, I listen to, well...look at me. What do you think I listen to?" So I introduced her to the artists that have pulled me through and good ol grooveshark and she left with groceries and a determination to Ben Harper.

Temple Square itself is getting busier. We have just a few hours in the evening on the Square and my favorite memory from this week started in the South Visitor Center.

My companion and I walked past two middle-aged woman watching a kiosk that shows kids answering questions about God in a cute way. We got half way to the door when I stopped and turned around. "Let's wait for those two woman to finish up with that," I said. We waited - yeah, sometimes you feel really stalker-ish on Temple Square. When it was done we moved in with a "cute, huh?"

"OH DARLING!" said the women.

Talking to them we found out they were sisters here for a conference and really really wanted us to show them around. We started with the history of the pioneers at the wax statue of Brigham Young (oh how I love my mission), then about the temple and what it's used for - everything they loved. Made perfect sense to them. In the Assembly Hall (beautiful and peaceful chapel the pioneers built) we taught more about our faith in Christ and the Book of Mormon and again, the energy was so strong and they were so enthralled. At the statue of Christ Lona, the older sister, began to cry. She could hardly move away from the room but we had one more place to go. In the Old Testament gallery - a series of paintings of the prophets in the Old Testament - we talked about the pattern of calling prophets and how suddenly there was a gap and why. Again, they were agreeing with everything. We ended with the story of Joseph Smith and our testimonies and invited them to learn more.

"Oh, I love learning about religions, but I've finally found a church that I feel is really Christ-centered. So thank you."

Lona was quiet.

Maria started walking away and Lona slowly falling them.

"But if you knew that there were more of Christ's words recorded besides the Bible, wouldn't you want to read it?"

They stopped, "Yes."

"The missionaries can come, bring you this book, and teach you more. It's a short visit and if you want to learn more they come back, if you don't, they don't. Either way they leave their number in case you have any questions. Does that sound like something you'd like."

"Yes, sure." Said Maria and reached out for a card to fill out her address.

Lona's head nodded up and down so violently it looked painful. She filled out the card and put her arms around me. It was one of those hugs where you start to let go, signaling to the other "hug's over", but she wouldn't let go. "Thank you, thank you, thank you" she whispered in my ear. "Thank you so much."

I am so grateful that despite my stupidity sometimes God can get through to me. Sometimes.

Love you all. Talk to you soon.

- Tamarra

A Really Hard Week (June 12, 2010)

2010-06-12T14:04:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone. How's it going?

I can't remember questions...Dad you asked about the Thai girls but I'm guessing that was previous to receiving last weeks which included that account. Let me know if that one didn't go through. I do remember loving hearing from you though. I read it with a cup of mango strawberry tea and felt some good solid peace. Which I've been a little starved of lately.

The mission's been getting harder and harder. I guess the honeymoon phase is officially over, and I really miss my little Philipina companion (though I've tried my best not to show it. she hasn't been quiet about it though, and i guess she's been so nostalgic for our transfer together it's kinda been a burden on her new companion. ha, how's that for a mission full of girls? at least i know i always have a friend in that part of the world.), it's been raining and cold which in turn affects how much work we have to do. A funny mission that way. My heart's been a little on the heavy side too - the majority of my closest friends are going home together this transfer. They were kinda like my big sisters on the mission and I'm scared to lose them, especially Sister Slight who knows me so well, is my Arabic buddy, and my District Leader guiding me through two whole transfers. As it turns out, during all of this, the people who have been the most sensitive to my change in disposition is my rag tag family over at the Bishop's Storehouse.

When Vili talks his eyes are perfectly round, and he spits with passion. He's usually in the back of the storehouse, a cart stacked with boxes of frozen meat supporting his massive weight. Even for a Tongan he's large, and moves by swinging his right side of his body forward, then his left. Despite this effort he's DETERMINED that my ungloved hands ever touch the cold frozen meat. As soon as I approach he starts shouting "No, no no hunny. Let ME do it," shaking a gloved hand at me. On one of my heaviest days he stopped me and with those same round, serious eyes asked me, "What's wrong? You okay?" I assured him he was, but he was skeptical. "No, I've been watching you walk around the store - you look tired." He was very, very concerned. And I was very, very touched.

Talamasina, or Sina for short, is another of my favorite Tongans in the whole wide world. She's usually in the front of the store at the desk where people come in to pick up their orders. For the first few weeks there in the Storehouse I thought she was a grumpy woman with no personality. Then I invited her to sit with me at lunch one day. Now we're best friends and she teases me endlessly in the corniest of ways. And despite my name displayed right there on my chest in large font, day after day, she's convinced my name is Sister Hemsley.

The fastest and chattiest (also the hairiest) person volunteering there at the Storehouse is Frank - sounds just like our Frank, right? He is A LOT like Sean, and in fact has Aspergur's as well (did I spell that right?) and now I feel like I understand my precious little brother so much more. Frank has taught me so much about Aspergurs and I really have such an appreciation for you, Sean, because of how everything that comes with Aspergurs. It was raining and Frank said, "I used to hate getting wet. Like, really. It was just wrong." I asked him to explain. "When something happens that in my mind is hardwired as 'wrong', or just not how things should be, I actually feel a physical pain. It's sort of just a disperstion of aching throughout my body." I asked him how he got over it and he said he had to re-hardwire his brain to allow for things to be okay in certain circumstances. And that sometimes he has to fight it with brute force: Breathe in the wrong, and breathe it out. You might not want to read this one, Sean, but apparently cheese and white bread are two of the worst things for Aspergurs, too. I forget the details but something about feeling better about life when he doesn't eat them. Anyways, he was the first one in the entire world to detect a certain "wrongness" about Sister Kemsley. He felt my pain across the lunch table and it physically distressed him as well. Frank may not believe in God, but he certainly does understand carrying one anothers burdens - maybe too well. But that day, I was grateful, felt like I had someone to split the worry with.

And oh my goodness my dear Elder Heinermen. He's probably in his late 60s, I'm not really sure, but he's a red-faced guy with huge glasses and a little white mustache. He's super talkative - he's usually either apologizing for something for telling us sisters how a light shines in our eyes. He served a mission in Germany years ago and spoke German as a tour guide at Temple Square before it was a mission. That was years ago. Today he helps push people's carts out and unload their groceries with his massive hands that he's always waving around when he talks. I was sick and kept on Temple Square to meet wtih a doctor (fully recovered) - the moment I stepped foot back in the storehouse there was Elder Heinermen: "Oh, oh Sister Kemsley. I heard you was sick. How you feeling? I remembered you in my prayers last night." It was a good start to the day.

I've had some awesome teaching experiences this week, too. We work a lot with youth groups at Welfare Square who come mostly expecting to be bored and pass the time flirting with each other. My companion and I teach with every fiber we have to those huge groups and by the end we both have headaches, are completely worn out, and the youth are huddled around us with wide, attentive eyes. Oh my goodness how the Spirit burns during those tours and others like them. We commit them to find out now what they believe, to start now to prepare to serve a mission, or to begin to follow the example of Jesus Christ and serve more within their homes. I wanted to take this one girl home and keep her after she told me after a tour, "I want to be a missionary like you - just thought you should know." What? I thought, aggressive and sometimes inappropriate? yeah...been workin on that humility thing.

Another time I was on the phone calling Fiji when a woman named Eunice picked up and started laughing at me. Like, I've never been so straight up mocked. It was so cruel that it brought something new out of me. I met fire with fire. "Look," I said, "if you haven't read the Book of Mormon, you need to." She responded, "Look, I know I need Jesus but not like this, okay?" I can't even remember what I said. Something about how I know it's weird getting a call over the phone, but that I gave a year and a half up of my life and that she needs to listen to me. That this book would bring her closer to God - and I'm definitely not paid to say this. I'm here because it's true and she needs to give it a chance.

Silence.

Then, in a subdued voice, "Okay."

Today I was especially hurting, and internally begging God for something to refuel me because I was starting to run on automatic: my heart wasn't in it. We ran into a group of girls our age - one of them with blue hair that reminded me of cotton candy. We met them in Scriptures and Revelation in the North Visitor Center which displays the history of prophets and the vision of Joseph Smith. It's ridden with wax statues and we don't usually like to teach there, but that's where they were and if we moved them we would have lost them, so we did it. We taught it and the Spirit just burned through my body and they were stunned. They kept saying, "Yeah, that makes sense." We showed them the Book of Mormon in Finnish and Icelandic and Hmong and Thai and they loved it. "Now where, God?" I asked. I knew instantly where we needed to come and wove them around the corner to the humanitarian section. There they got to see the largely underground movement of the Church to help feed people everywhere - even here in America. And to get to them jobs. And to teach them to read and to revive newborns. Installing wells and sending out wheelchairs. "It's not published," I told them, "you're getting a sneak peek." And then that feeling came: It's time to end. And your heart starts pumping because that's when you ask if they want to learn more. Standing in front of girls just like me asking them "Do you want to receive a Book of Mormon and learn more about it?" was a hard thing to do, and my heart dropped when down the line they said they were okay without one. Then one raise her hand shyly. "I want one, actually." Oh my goodness it's all you can do from just throwing your arms around the person. You have to play it cool. They fill out a card with their address. And then the other scary moment, when you clarify missionaries will bring it and teach them more about it. "Oh, really? That's great!" Again, so hard to keep it cool, because that's not the typical reaction. Then blue hair girl, the sister of the one that wanted the Book of Mormon, got a picture with me, her arms around me.

Wish I could describe it. As Janelle said in her letter upon the potty training of Elliot, Hurray. Hallelajuah. Praise be.

Love you all. Let me know how life is - the mundane and the lovely and everything in between.

- Tamarra

June 5, 2010 (Tamarra, you've been gone too long to count the weeks anymore!)

2010-06-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

It's finally summer here! By the way, Alia. Yes, there were tulips and snow at the same time - a very interesting visual, indeed. The Church induces Spring here with heated flower beds. What can I say, I have a posh mission.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALEB AND SEAN! Oh man you two are getting old. Remember when I could bench both of you? Ha. Now the reverse is probably true as far as you go, Sean. You're as tall as Mama (I know I've pointed that out before, but I'm still stunned).

How perfect that "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" was out in theaters on your birthday, Caleb. I loved reading that book with you. That kid is seriously wimpy. And holy cow, Josh you're cute. And I quote, "I got Caleb a shirt for only $10! And he liked it 100%!" Coming from a first grader that was just tender.

So what are you going to do for your bday, Sean? Expect something in the mail - both you and Caleb. But nothing super exciting. Safely described as dull, really. But sincere.

So Dad, I promised you I would tell you that story about the Thai girls and have not forgotten.

As it goes I was down on the south end of Temple Square when my companion and I approached a group of really enthusiastic girls I was so sure were Phillipino I greated them in Tagalog. Blank stares. So where are you all from?

"Thailand!!"

I readjusted: "Sawat dee ka!"

They responded with hands pressed together and small bows of their head.

They were so cute, they practically sang everything they said and I felt like they were practically dancing around me the way they moved and played with each other. There was something so pure and happy I instantly loved them.

We talked with them and I told them my dad served a mission there many years ago. The response made me so sweet, Dad, that tears welled in my eyes. Those that heard me (they were so chatty) came forward and bowed deeply, showing their gratitude for you. Their were about 10 of them and they were all going to the temple. I know you never really got the chance to see the fruits of your labor, but I did that day. In fact, there's a Thai congregation that meets here in Salt Lake, and missionaries from Thailand serving in Salt Lake (well, I've met at least one).

My other story is, of course, an Arab one. Yesterday some missionaries serving in Salt Lake called in for an Arabic tour for someone they're teaching. They were a half hour late (what do you expect when you get Mormons and Muslims together?) but we were able to teach everything we needed in the thirty minutes that left us. He's Christian from Iraq and has been here a year. Being completely separated from his family for now and forever as of now, he felt like he needed a relationship with God more than ever before. That's when his neighbor invited him to church and it was so sweet when this 28-year-old Iraqi with diamonds in his ears and a tight shirt showing off his hours at the gym told us how his heart felt the first time he went to and LDS church. "I can't explain it," he kept saying. "My heart...It felt like I was home." Or something like that. I didn't understand every word of his Iraqi Arabic but I was able to communicate better with him than I ever have in Arabic. Maybe because of all my conversations with the Arabs at Welfare Square, or the extra study Sister Slight and I have been putting in at mealtimes, and definitely because God kept me calm and clear-headed, I was able to teach him how Christ's church was lost with the loss of authority, and how it was restored to us again in its fullness - temples, prophets, the whole enchilada. It was so exciting for him to know why everything felt so good. He had a belief it was true because of the way it felt, and now he had a belief because it made sense. When we parted ways we had such a bond of gratitude for each other - an answer to each others prayers.

I love you all.

Sister Tammy K (is not in the hizz-ouse) - that one's for you mikaela

May 29, Week 19

2010-06-01T10:58:00.001-07:00

SSSSEAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was BLOWN away! I mean, I've only been gone, what, 5 months? You're as tall as mom! You're huge! And it's not just that you're tall, you look older. Sister Sundaram (from India) says you look 19, and should be going on a mission now ;)

Love you all. Alia, I was SO excited to hear that you're coming. SO excited. Get to meet that little red headed boy of yours. Family can always call 801-240-7106 and schedule a tour with a specific sister. And odds are that I won't be outbound, that we're safe, because President Holmes has put a hold on sisters going out since its getting so busy.

So I thought all of you might enjoy a series of events I've been storing up for the right moment. It came Thursday evening around 8:55 PM.

Being a missionary in SLC is a really bipolar. Back to back I've had someone yelling at me and someone crying and shaking my head, telling my companion and me everything in his heart and mind. And that's just on the square. Outside of the square it's even better. Once I was walking with a group back from the store when a man threw himself down on the cement right there in front of us, laughing and shouting, "Save my soul!" Then get up and giggle on his way. At Wal-mart you have people either snapping at you, ignoring you, or stopping you to tell you who they know is on a mission, where are you from, how long have you been out, and what is your blood type? (Okay, maybe not so much on the last one, but maybe you catch my drift). Thursday's event, however, was definitely the most dramatic.

We all started heading home, six of us headed to the same apartment building, the other 170 sisters to another (I LOVE the isolation). We were reviewing our day, laughing and talking, crossed the main street and were heading up and smaller one to our apartment when a guy with saggy pants and a hat all turned around walked past us and then stopped.

"Hey! Where you from!"

We kept walking.

"What, you not going to turn around?"

We conceded. "Uganda," Sister Balmoi said.

"No way!" (except he didn't say "way"). All the black people I know are from the Bahamas!"

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"Harlem."

Yeah, I could see that.

His name was Josiah and he wanted to share his budding rap skills with us. At this point we could tell he wasn't anything sincerely threatening, just...colorful. And so we conceded to a rap. It was awful, i.e. "Hey Sista Chenita, she really likes pizza." The thing being though that he had to lean in to see our name tags since it was darker. So from a far it might have looked like he was being a jerk. But he wasn't. Not even when he threw his arms out to give his African sista a hug, which she refused, of course, little (LITTLE) Sister Talines from the Phillipines stepping in between the two.

We told him we had to go and everyone parted, laughing to ourselves, and decided just to be on the safe side since we were practically at our front gate, to just walk past it for a minute. When we turned around to see where Josiah was we noticed a man in an orange shirt and him taking their back packs of, then they start GOING AT IT. They're throwing punches and everything. Orange shirt man had been walking one direction, seen Josiah and us, and chased him down.

We're feeling pretty lame at this point, and I'm not sure who I'm more sorry for. But then it gets worse. They part ways and then orange man shirt reattacks for something because now they're fighting on cement, and Josiah's pounding Orange Shirt Man's head into the pavement.

Now I feel AWFUL. Especially when our defendent gets up and walks away holding his head.

We all kind of sat there on a grassy null looking at each other. Someone notified one of our bajillion security guards (I seriously feel like the president's daughter with guys with earpieces behind there ears and suits constantly popping up around me). And eventually we figured the coast was clear, and went inside, entirely unsure how to feel about everything that had just happened.

One of the girls said that Josiah was talking to a security guard on the square the next day, but I didn't see him.

K. Gotta run or else the car will leave with out me. Love you all.

Oh and Dad, I had an incredible experience with a bunch of Thai girls going to the temple. I'll write you a letter if i get the chance or just include in next weeks.

see ya,

sister kemsley

Una Photo

2010-05-25T20:38:00.000-07:00

Last pday i invited every one of my friends whose pday it was SO fun, and so refreshingly normal, a bunch of girls vegging out, going down to the corner store for an ice cream cone, and just talking, EVEN about non-missionary related things. yeah. gasp. anyways, here's the evidence.

May 22, Week 18

2010-05-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

Hey there everyone,

Thanks for the letter lovin - I had so much fun reading those this week. Especially glad to hear Chuck is back on, thanks for that update, Father. I would extremely love a picture of Josh with his glasses and missing tooth. And, if it's not asking too much (and it may be), but if you could somehow manage both the little boys to smile for a picture that I might see their twin missing front teeth, that would be appreciated mucho. And Janelle! Send me preggo pixs for sure! I still can't believe it's a girl. A niece. :)

The story that wins, however, is that of Elliot looking mom up at mom from her lap, those big brown eyes I can only imagine their concern when he uttered the warning "Uh-oh" before peeing all over your lap, mom, during Janelle's graduation. I laughed so hard and so long when I imagined it all, though I'm sure I would not have done the same if I was the one with the urine-drenched pants for 1.5 hours. After accomplishing the great feat of World's Best Mom, I think you are quickly on your way to World's Greatest Grandma. Especially since Dad said you could totally hold your own upon attending one of his MBA tax classes.

Here's the thing about Welfare Square, you REALLY have to wait for the people to come to you. Generally true of all of Temple Square, but at the actually hub there's always someone (note: the whole time I've been on my mission has been the slow season. Things pick up exponentially June-September, I hear). At Welfare2 we've just had about 2 hours of giving tours, (and yes, I'm there every day except when it's closed on sat. and sun.: 9-4 m/t/th/f and 9-9 on wed for all the youth groups that come through) the rest of the time we either study (I've been getting a lot better at Arabic since I got put there), and when they need us, we host.

I LOVE hosting. It's just a fancy and relatively silly word for helping people get their groceries in the Bishop's Storehouse. Which, let me explain, because up until this mission I thought was some closet held secretly in the church with canned food or something that only the Bishop had keys to. It's a grocery store. Small, but covers the basics. The guests can get everything from milk to beef roast to produce and all of it is produced by Church-owned farms, factories, and whatever else is necessary in the line of production. The only exception is with things like the diapers - Huggies nor Similac are Church entities, but I learned a little more about how that worked when businessmen from the company came and took a tour to see why they were selling their product to the Church at such a low price. People are always in awe that every element is Church-produced, and largely by volunteers - the people assisting in this process are largely members of the Church alongside other local volunteers with usually just one or so paid overseers.

So, where I come in is when people come in with a form filled out by their Bishop or Relief Society President with all the things they've been issued and I take them through the store and help them find everything. These people come from every corner of society. About 70% are not members of the Church and I'd say about that many are immigrants. I've helped people from Congo, South and Central America, Iraq, the Sudan, and throughout the United States. Some of them are homeless, sleeping in the shelter or outside. Some of them have been middle-class all their lives and suddenly were laid off. The process of getting the food takes generally a half hour so I really get to know these people - they get to opening up and sharing their lives, cracking jokes with me, and sometimes we get on spiritual things and one of them even wanted a Book of Mormon by the time we were done. Most the time, though, I'm just getting to be friends with them - genuinely friends in some cases, and just trying to place as much hope and love in their tangled hearts as I can in that short amount of time. Don't worry, Mom. I don't feel like it's my job to make the whole world feel better, as you expressed the concern about in your last letter. Sometimes I do meet someone I feel especially sad for and it lingers with me and causes me real pain, but for the most part Welfare Square is an extremely happy place. I have a whole new host of friends, many of them from the Sudan, Somalia, or Tonga, homeless and/or pennyless, or elderly missionaries called their due to different disabilities that prevented them from being able to serve a proselyting mission. And Frank, the guy the chatty 30 something-year-old that loves to explain the science behind how shock waves can dislocated ice and cause the meat in the box to loosen. Or something like that.

Nope. No Jordanians yet. Not tell November at the earliest. Working hard every day to hold my own until then. It's been slower as far as Arabic tours, though about every day I speak Arabic to someone.

Linea, how did the Spanish AP go? I got a 4, me thinks, to answer your question. Counted for 4 semesters at BYU, that's all I remember. The BEST thing you can do to learn Spanish, though, is A) Work at Pizza Palace, or B) Go on a mission to Temple Square and get a Paraguayan companion. I used to only understand about 15% of what natives said. Now I can understand about 60-70% depending on the accent. And the only other place I would apply is Lexington Gardens, that place is super high school student employee-friendly. Always wanted to work there. And Hollandia. Mom would like that ;)

Been reading the book of John, dad. Means so much more having been on a mission and faced so much rejection. I actually had my heart broken by enough guests who I got to feel so close with and who I saw needed the message I had so bad, that when they rejected, I actually started crying on one woman (thankfully instead of getting freaked out she hugged me and kissed my forehead, ha). Had to go get a blessing from President Holmes. That's when I started reading John, last Sunday, and I feel so close to the Savior every time He's spurned. I feel it. I just feel it. And I feel like in that way I am learning more about the Savior's life, as said in my setting apart. Ironically I understand His sacrifice more here than in Jerusalem.

And yep, got the names. 3/4 of the way done with them, too, if you want to send me some more. The sisters from Pakistan and such love doing them since they have no family names of their own.

.......mommy? can i have my tea kettle? i keep spilling boiling water everywhere.....it's okay if it's too expensive.

LOVE YOU ALL!

May 15, Week 17

2010-05-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

aloha. mabuhai. anyanghasayo. what is up. (i'm seriously going to go through language withdrawals after this place)

so it sounds like tests/assignments are over and the pressures lifted for a few - glad to hear it! a woman catching pigeons in new york to release in new jersey is, honestly, brilliant, janelle. send it to me! i want to read it - and i think we can call it a "letter" so long as it's not a published novel ;)

sooo....(drumroll)...I'm in my 3rd transfer now. there are 12 total so here months mean nothing - time is only gauge in six week periods called transfers. i lost my philipina companion. a serious :( and i'm kinda going through withdrawals and so is she. we both have great companions so we'll be okay, it's just weird to live somewhere else and with somewhere else every 6 weeks. i checked off spanish though, so now i can officially give tours in it, just the other day and my new companion is actually the sister that i had to give a tour to be checked off. her name is sister roig and she's from paragauy. she laughs after every sentence - she was a clown for birthdays in paraguay, first starting with her family and it just kind of spread. she looks like shakira - wildly curly blonde hair with the dark eyes thing going on. she keeps me laughing, especially her language confusions, like when she asked for "toilet pooper" when in fact she was looking for toilet paper.

we moved away from the apartments with 100 other girls and got into a little brick thing across the street from the prophet's apartment. it's so nice to leave the crowd of females and go to our building that seriously is like something out of a story book - it's wood carvings in the walls, the secret and decaying garden, the ivy growing every where, and the cellar full of spiders and old and completely ineffectual washers and dryers. its so dirty right now (no one's lived there for a long time) so it kinda feels like camping, but after today that will be different. requested extra comet and everything - there's a certain excitement that i've recently acquired in making the place i live more livable. it's something one my call a certain domestic calling that's taken root that's freaking me out. I bought flour for the first time in my life last saturday and actually used it - baked some legit banana bread. yeah, i know - weird.

so funny you should ask me what other venues we sisters cover, mom, because i was taken off the square and am manning welfare square every day for the next six weeks at least. i LOVE it. besides baking and cleaning, the other new hobby that's really sprung on me is taking care of homeless and needy people. i'm a magnet for them at temple square. and i love it. carol at the corner with her cardboard sign - she stands there all day every day and needs nothing but the mountains to keep her entertained. i give her bits of my breakfast/dinner when i pass her and we talk when she comes into the visitor center to use the bathroom. alan who i've told you about, who only needs a purple bandana, scriptures, and someone to talk to about them to keep him happy. i've been working really hard with an iraqi woman named sahar trying to get her a job in the church's system (carol and alan could easily go and use the system but they chose not too. a little frustrating). as a refugee she was given 6 months of welfare to live on and has a month left, in this economy has still not been able to find a job, has three children, and her husband is disabled and can't work. i met her on a pday a month or so ago and we've been talking and meeting ever since. keeping my fingers crossed, to say the least.

anways, so at the welfare center we bring people through the factories, warehouses, and offices of the welfare system here in utah that the church has. it's AMAZING! it's kept practically secret because of the Church's efforts to let it remain mostly unpublished. i mean, i didn't know really where my fast offerings were going. 100% goes to feeding the poor. And now I know how. the church owns every line of production and all of it is run by volunteers and every single grain goes to the poor and needy as they put forth their own efforts to serve in the community. a service for a service - and it's so fun to go around helping people fill their carts full of food with no price tag and in a store with no cahsiers which is what hermana roig and i do when there's no one for a tour. it's so simple. so so simple. and i think if someone would have told me i'd be doing something so mundane on my mission i'd be bummed (to say the least). but it's all the same work - helping people come unto Christ by helping them feel His love. and they do. and we get to know each other, and i get cooking tips from them, and they're so grateful and i just think wow, this is real. this is real service - these people wouldn't eat otherwise. i can't explain it, and it's not something i believed in before, but i don't feel like there's much mundane any more if we're doing a good job doing it. maybe that's why i can stand cooking and cleaning. giving the homeless man some of my banana bread felt a lot cooler than when i've given a loaf i bought. i don't know, i just really like it.

so too did i enjoy teaching a family from liberia. oh my goodness it was so beautiful and the woman who was just baptized with her husband solomon. and their son phillip who is trying to figure out if his parents joined a cult gave us the biggest hug at the end. the woman just cried so much at the statue of Christ, and my body burned with the Spirit for like 20 minutes straight as we taught them. it's really hard to know how to teach the good news to each individual - but today i knew i wasn't alone.

much love,

tamarra

May 8, Week 16

2010-05-12T14:29:00.001-07:00

Hello my family!

HUGE kudos to Frank for passing the bar. You're amazing. SO proud of you. I am 98% sure I would never have accomplished even the task of making it through law school, let alone passing the NY bar.

So I'll be calling you in less than 24 hours (yeaaah mother's day) so this will be a quick one.

Just wanted you all to know I've never been this happy. I've never laughed so much in my life - like I said in my last letter, missionary work can be just so darn funny, and Sister Tating can be just so hilarious, and the guests can be so fun. Thank goodness for Celexa and sunshine, yeah? Haha, but seriously, I just feel so loved. Temple Square is so unique - it's never just you and your companion. You're surrounded by all your fellow missionaries all the time, and walking by and hanging out in your Mission President's office all the time, and we all take care of each other constantly. And general authorities, sheesh. Passed Elder Pace the other day and he knew exactly who I was, almost 2 months later, and what my problem had been. He took me to the side and asked with so much sincere care how I was doing. I gave him a good report and told him how I'd felt the Spirit practically jumping up and down with excitement when I walked into the psychiatrist's office. "Glad it was consistent," he said. And the whole moment was just incredibly tender and left me just shaking my head at what had just happened.

AND GET THIS! Or maybe I should wait and tell you tomorrow over the phone...no. Can't wait that long. WE'RE GETTING A SISTER FROM JORDAN!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited. Still meeting people from the Middle East here and there, and every time I feel like I jip them with my meager Arabic. Ha, looks like someone up there agrees. Yeah, so I'm so excited although that won't be until November - it'd be pretty cool if I could train her, be her first companion and teach her the ropes (in return for Arabic :).

And as if that wasn't cool enough, I don't know if you remember my friend Audrey, the one I roomed with over the summer, but SHE got called here! I feel so spoiled. Fortunately that will happen a little sooner - about August. So gah somehow I'll have to keep myself preoccupied in the mean time because i rather wish it was tomorrow.

So the Square's been fairly slow, but Sister Tating and I are relentless and it keeps us busy. Almost every one we talk to wants to learn more by the time they leave - many of them are requesting missionaries after being here. But it's beating me up. Maybe I'm running faster than I can sort of thing, but I have the support of an amazing team of sisters, doctors, homeless friends (our only consistent friends from day to day that aren't missionaries), and my dear dear mission president. I like him more every day. This is top secret, but this afternoon Sister Tating and I were just aching with tiredness and the rejection of an English couple when we saw President strolling the square.

"There's President," I said. "He'll make us feel better."

Indeed he did. Got us lunch. Complete with dessert.

I love that man, and am going to make banana bread for him and our homeless friend Alan thanks to that snazzy new cookbook Alia sent me :) I don't know if we're supposed to be giving out baked goods to the guests so that is likely top secret as well. Alan has just strengthened Sister Tating and I so much - gives us such a good perspective on the work. A constant answer to our prayers. He's there every night, his bandanna-head and skinny figure occupying a bench in the Assembly Hall, or, when he needs a change of scenery, the Tabernacle. He has such a poetry with the scriptures and brings them alive in our speedy book clubs in between guests. Actually, Sister Tating and I are better teachers because of him and always are incorporating things he's taught us in our tours, mostly just a healthy perspective on God's love for His children.

It's all about love. That's been our motto, Sister Tating's and mine, and I know that's why we're having so much fun. Love for each other and for the guests. Sisters are always coming up to me and saying how amazed they are at how much they love the way we take care of each other. And we just adore the people we teach - almost every tour ends with the women enfolding us in their arms and the men giving us good, healthy handshakes and all of us saying, "Maybe we'll see each other again!" So when one of our APs asked us about how our week was going and we told her she went, "Wow, you must be obedient." I thought, actually I slept in the other morning. It was mostly on accident...but then we are always late to get on the square (working on it, I promise)..."I think it's because we just really love each other," i told her. I don't know if her mind works quite that way, but she admitted, "Yeah, that's important, too." I guess we were both right - I'm thinking more and more that love is obedience, and vice versa. In exchange I've felt God's love like never before. The more I tell others the good news, that they have a loving Heavenly Father, the more I know it's true, and it gives me joy. Pure joy. I treat people differently. I don't worry so much, I don't hate on myself as much - I'm incredibly more secure. He's there, and He'll take care of us. All we have to do is trust Him and develop that relationship.

Mom, I love you. I love you so so much! And i can't wait to talk to you tomorrow and hear your voice. I've missed it.

Sincerely,

Sister Kemsley

yeah...a quick one.

May 1, Week 15

2010-05-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

hello my lovely family!

okay, i can't go any farther without saying THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to alia. alia, you rock. that cookbook is so so so my style. i love it. it came and i just laughed so hard with the cleverness of it all. thank you. and those books WERE needed. you're amazing. i don't know how you have time to do all that you do - thank you for thinking of me. and to all of you for contributing! can't wait to put my hand at it all.

so linea sent me a great letter and i have to just quote a part of it because everyone was, i'm guessing, not so lucky as i receiving such a message. And I quote (sort of, i left the letter at the apt) "I had a dream the other night where I was invited to a gathering of elite superheros with relatively disappointing superpowers. One man there could teleport, but only 50 ft - no more, no less. Another could flip things with his mind, but only light objects. He mainly used it for flipping omlettes." I read that outloud in the lunchroom, and let's just say, Linea, that you have developed some fans here at Temple Square among some of my fellow missionaries.

Linea also asked in her email what I do to maintain a sense of fun. That kinda stuck with me throughout the week, and I've been taking notes for ya, sis. It's true that it's getting harder and harder to not get bored now that the work is becoming easier and easier. It's easy to just get into the motions, to teach everything the same way and not adapt to the personalities and needs of the different people you're teaching. So one way to keep it real on the Square is to really just try to tailor every lesson to the people - that way it's always different. Definitely more heart-thumping, to try out new things, but def more fun.

When it's really slow I've also taken to casting each sister in their appropriate movie. My companion and I tried to memorize scriptures during the slow hours, but that lasted 5 minutes. Plus with 160 sisters there's really a lot to work with. My companion, for example, would be the star in Step Up 3, and Sister Wingate who looks like Audrey Hepburn and used to work as a private chef on a yacht would be the damsel in distress in a black and white 1950s murder mystery. We really have a wide spectrum here.

I got bored with running in the morning and there's been less Japenese dancing, so Sister Tating, my companion, has been teaching me how to box. We shadowbox every morning (shadowboxing is when you imagine you're boxing someone and it's a very important part of fine-tuning your technique). I just like how it leaves me so stinkin sore.

The Conference Ensign came out this week, and that's been a source of great amusement for me as several of the sisters were featured in it. The largest picture went to Sister S. Kim - she's totally "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" and kinda intimidates me. She's like this legend on the square every one whispers about behind their hands because of the numbers she churns out. The feature was just perfect then - firmly establishing her legendary status here on the Square. The other sisters holding the Book of Mormon, were also thrilled. The Indian-looking one, sister gaundar, is a really good Indian dancer and taught me everything I know. So now when you read it and look at the pixs you can say, oh, her, I know about her ;)

Finally, in missionary work, social conventions really don't exist. You talk to everyone. And people that I just normally would never interact with, I have some of the most touching experiences. On the other hand, people that I see and recognize as people from my world, can sometimes end up extremely antagonistic as we share with them the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. One man yesterday felt like a snarling dog snapping at my face - the pure anger being spilled out all over me inches from my face. It disturbed me so much, but not my companion. I was shaken up the whole day, and I couldn't figure out why when we're hated so often for what we teach, why that couple got to me. And as I thought about it I realized they were the same age as mom and dad. The woman did her hair like mom and the guy was going gray and wearing jeans just like dad. They were nice at the beginning and we joked around at the beginning, but the more faith in what we believe we showed, the angrier we got. I've found that people insecure with faith hate seeing others with it. By the end all social mores were gone and this man's behavior had disolved into something awful and animal-like, and his little wife was completely scathing in her comments, too. Experiences like these terrify me at first, but at this point I'm just fascinated that that could happen. Fascinated that it does. So interesting, how people can act when social codes aren't in place, how raw the emotion can be - both for love and hate.

Okay, and one last story. And this one is just lovely. So we call people's nonmember friends and family that they give us during their visit at Temple Square. Yesterday I called someone's dad. He had been a member of the Church, it turned out, a long time ago but had been blessed into a Navajo nation. He told me all the benefits, of how he could go to places where other white people would be scalped. Then he told me how the gold tablets didn't get "sucked back into heaven" but carried away by a sheep into the Navajo nation. He didn't very much appreciate my comment that that must have been one strong sheep. But in the end I guess that's not too much more incredible than what we tell people. I mean, yeah, there were gold plates, and they were translated in 90 days. Yeah, from reformed egyptian. And yep, they sat under a rock for over a thousand years. Our homeless friend alan, who used to be a member but still believes very much in the book of mormon said it right when he said "The story of Joseph Smith is completely incredible, as if we were to say, and then a pink bunny appeared and started hopping around the room, and we would ask people to believe that. But isn't that how God works?" Seas parting and bushes burning. How did Moses explain that to the people?

Yeah, I had a revelation of God.

Really? You saw Him?

No...I saw a bush burn.

....

And yet it's true. Pretty cool to believe in angels and miracles. Pretty cool to just know for yourself because God talks to all of us one-on-one just like any good Father would. Every day I'm learning to recognize His voice better and with that my fear is giving way to faith - mostly faith in myself, that I am receiving revelation, that God does give me guidance. That was actually one of the questions the angry man asked me in his attack, "And do YOU receive revelation?"

"Yes," I said.

"And do you write it down?"

"Yes."

By small and simple things.

Thanks for your prayers.

aight, that's all folks. Take care and you're in my prayers.

Sister Kemsley

April 24, Week 14

2010-04-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

hey fam,

how's everyone? sounds like mom's enjoying the gardens. mom, i think of you all the time, especially now that the flowers are out. i swear these tulips are on steroids - i call them the man-eating tulips. they're so big the stems can't handle it. every time i step outside i feel like dorothy when she wakes up in oz and there are all those huge, plastic-looking flowers...temple's square kinda like that minus the tacky. when the sun's out and you get the birds chirping among the cherry blossoms, i just feel like im in the Shire, totally untouched by the outside world. people bring in news of wars and valcanoes and we go, "wait what?" i have a hard time getting upset about anything it's so peaceful where we teach.

janelle, elliot's going to be an adorable big brother. i love it - big bro, lil sis. oh my goodness. he'll watch out for her in high school and beat up all the boys for her - i can just see it. ha, but seriously, a baby girl in that family just seems so right. she'll be one classy, intelligent woman one day and im so excited to be her aunt.

linea. only you would call a one-hundred page tangent on architecture in the middle of a novel a tangent. no wonder you got that scholarship thingy. hope you and your harvard friends had fun making taffy ;) i would say more, but, ma'am, you'll have to excuse me - free bagels just happened. and mikaela, let me know how those auditions go, k? was terrifically proud of the good work you've done in diverting ms. hugh's attention from subjects of symbolism in greek literature. i can't say i was ever equally successful. sean, haven't heard from you of late, how's that nose? caleb and josh - i have a picture of the two of you on the swings and i'm pushing you. it's two summers ago - do you remember that? the days before you could "pump" - wow I got strong arms that summer. tell me how learning to ride a bike goes for ya, josh.

i love you all and am thankful for your prayers and your love and letters. i really feel so so supported by my family which is not the case for all the sisters here, many of whom are the only members in their families with a variety of reactions from their families when they came on missions. im spoiled, really.

well im fully converted to the work, starting about this last week. didn't really know i could be happy like this. i think this is due to a number of factors, the weather, my diagnosis, and my beautiful companion. i feel so much for her - she's an incredible missionary. she's adorable so she naturally melts every single heart we meet, but she's so powerful and immediately, as soon as the people are opening up to us, she will bear her belief in God and the Book of Mormon so that it doesn't matter how many times i hear her conversion story, im caught up in the tale all over again. she was a rebel child who told her dad if the book of mormon wasn't true she'd burn it in front of him. growing up in the philipines where, she tells me, everyone is catcholic, she felt really confused between her religion and her culture's, and actually decided she would become a nun. for five years in high school and college she worked for the catholic church without telling her parents. the money for the bus fare to the convent, she said, was for going out with her friends. as the years went on, though, she got really frustrated with how all the priests and nuns would give her different answers to the same questions, or would simply say "I don't know" when she felt she needed an answer. So she gave the Book of Mormon a go, and found that the answers had been there all along. That's when she decided to come on a mission, and hadn't read it cover to cover before she was in the MTC. I adore working beside her for this reason, and her sixth sense for when I'm unhappy. She knows EXACTLY when i'm taking things to seriously and without saying anything she says, "Hey, laugh about it." And we do, we laugh a lot. we have a ball - we are constantly cracking up with the guests as we teach, especially if their teenagers. with sister tating missionary work isn't work, it's just meeting people, getting to know them, loving them, having fun with them, and talking to them really person-to-person about the Gospel.

I wish I could tell you everything, but even then it would be hard I think to understand where I'm coming from. I'll see what I can do with a few experiences.

Shelley had been coming to SLC for business for about 10 years when on one of her walks, she decided to finally come to Temple Square (she'd seen the PBS special called "Mormons"). we ran into her because we left the normal square for a nearby building - a rare decision we made last minute. usually we have to be very casual about the tour idea - people don't want to be dragged around for hours and usually flee the other way when we mention the four letter word. this time i just asked "do you want a tour" and my jaw droppd so fast it almost fell off when she said, "oh, could i?" we walked around temple square for the next half hour or so and just talked, historically, personally, religiously, and she soaked it in with such rapture. finally we all took a seat in the beautiful pioneer chapel and just talked. she wasn't sure she believed in God anymore, felt confused and turned off to the Buddhist movement in her LA flock of friends, and was just really upset about all the suffering in the world. "Shelley," we told her, "God is real. He loves you, and we promise you as you read the Book of Mormon you will understand Him better." I read her a verse I'd read that morning and she was amazed - she was so, so moved. I forget how beautiful the Book of Mormon is - the oft quoted verses pretty much mechanical and rote in my mind: she taught me a lesson on how it's purity really can be water in a soul's desert. she was shocked we would send her a copy of the book (ha) and said with tears in her eyes, "I am so excited for those missionaries to come." Sister Tating just threw her little arms around the broken, thin woman, and said, "We'll see you again. Maybe inside the temple?" "I hope so," the woman responded. Sister Tating are going to write her a letter today and see how she's doing.

The other story I have happened just yesterday. It was a cold and rainy day. I've been SO tired, giving tours in my sleep (I woke up last night talking, up on my elbows, in the middle of a tour - I can't remember on what but my companion says that i usually teach the principle "God is a loving Heavenly Father". all i remember about last night is that i remember feeling like it was a really good tour and that i was disappointed when i woke up and found out it wasn't real. two seconds later i was asleep again). anyways, so we were cold, tired, and hungry as lunch was 20 minutes away. that's when two sharp dressers walked in through the west gate and were heading right for us. automatically and almost mechanically we fell into step and started asking them where they were from. i quickly realized my senses were accurate - they were wall street, upper west siders for sure. i thought "shoot, i do NOT have the strength for this." i sent a prayer upstairs really fast, a quick plea to put my heart back in the work, and i got the response, "hey, you love new york, right? these are your people now give it your best." i told them i was from new canaan and they, especially the man, started to really ask questions. like, if it was possible to convert, and what were the benefits involved - his word choice made me smile inwardly. well, step into our office, was the feeling when we took them just inside the doors of the tabernacle and we all sat down together. we talked and talked for about thrity minutes as i told them that money cannot make us happy, that it's not the purpose of life, and that in the end if we trade a family for a career and nice houses then we'll find ourselves empty. it felt REALLY good to say. ha. sister tating was such a rock star with her passion and testimony as well. at the end mike asked, again in a very nonchalant way, "how then does one learn about these things? i mean, i didn't even know there was a temple on the 66th. how could i share this with others, for example." so i told them, we've got missionaries. if they wanted we could take their information and give it to the people in their area. mike pulled a business card from his suit pocket and handed it to me without a word. the woman wanted the missionaries as well. we walked out with them and shook hands several times and said thank you all around a few more - it was amazing. and immediately sister tating and i ran to our homeless friend alan, who lives out most of his spiritual journey in the back lefthand corner of the pioneer chapel, and told him all about it. a former missionary himself he was psyched for us. we get referrals a lot, but that was the most exciting one for me, because these i felt like these were my people, that i had the chance to work in my vineyard back at home that afternoon.

oh and i've had someone arab almost every day for the last three weeks now - and am working with a wonderful woman named sahar in finding her a job. met her and her family in a park on pday and we're getting to be good friends. it's cool because after my mission, i'll be living right by it, and people like sahar and alan (i have a lot of homeless friends at this point - arabs and homeless people seem to be occupy a good deal of my time) will still be there.

it's a good life being a temple square missionary.

oh! and i gave a tour to buddhist monks. sister tating and i got to teach them who Jesus Christ was. that was fun :)

k, love you all.

Tamarra (a name that is beginning to sound more foreign to me all the time)

April 10, Week 12

2010-04-10T13:57:00.000-07:00

Hey,

Our Pday was canceled for last week so we got another this week :) my friends and i are headed to my favorite little tea house to write letters - I'm so excited. But first I thought I would send a few pictures since in the past I have never had the time to do so. Enjoy :)

Me and the elders in my district headed to CT - you can see why, right?

Uncle Mark's genius photography. My last moments of normalcy ;)

Me and Sister D. Kim before announcing after Music and the Spoken Word. We got an awesome tour that day where a whole Korean family referred to have the missionaries (I just opened the doors and introduced myself in Korean on those tours).

Me and Sister Pereira on my first excursion to Temple Square (I was still in the MTC. We get to spend a half day contacting, and she was my lovely Brazilian companion for a day. I learned a lot from her - her dad died on her mission and she didn't find out until he was already buried. didn't stop her - only made her stronger, she said.)

On pday i arranged a walk through the canyon with my friends - it was beautiful. the asians wanted a pic together.

so we requested an american pix. (the one on the right is from michigan though she likes to spend free time working on boats in nantucket, and the one on the left is from VA and a recent convert - used to be a very strong catholic. only member in her family. really cool conversion story)

had to show this off. annie watkins is officially the coolest creative person alive. it reads "I" "Love" "You" "So stinkin" "much". it's mutual.

My ADORABLE philipino companion. I LOVE her. she is pocket size. we have a blast together - and work so hard and have so much success on the square because we just bring each other up so much. she has a sixth sense that's almost creepy - she knows EXACTLY when i'm beating myself up in my head and says in her cute little voice, "HEY! Smile!" and giggles. It pulls me out of my too serious mode and gets me focused on the guests here at t square.

One experience I forgot to share: Two weeks ago I wrote you telling you I would be teaching an actual discussion in Arabic, but in the excitement of conference never told you the end result - surely you've been waiting with bated breath. It was awesome. Sister Slight and I are not fluent by any means, but it was amazing how well we were able to communicate to these two iraqi men. mahmoud was almost through the Book of Mormon and wanted to know it was true. Ahmed was new, just a few weeks in the country, was going to church and reading the book of mormon. they spoke VERY little english but we worked with them in the book of mormon displays for an hour answering their questions that the other missionaries could never understand. whenever i couldn't understand them, Sister Slight did, and vice versa. We were able to finish each others sentences, and together we made sense to these very arab, very muslim men. ha, two girls. one from wyoming, one from connecticut, teaching two men from iraq in utah in arabic.
well in the end we committed them to pray and taught them how. mahmoud opened his kitaab mormon (book of mormon) to 3rd nephi and asked how the people were praying there after the coming of Christ. i thought, yeah, i would want to know too after reading about all the angels they saw. but i didn't know how to explain any better than i had. we all kinda looked at each other and a little helplessly i turned the page and read the first two verses my eyes saw. they were perfect. i showed them to mahmoud and his big brown eyes lit up. "Shukran, shukran" he thanked me. the Spirit was so strong. And it was even stronger when we asked Mahmoud to close the meeting in prayer. A Muslim all his life, this old Iraqi man prayed so tenderly to his Father in heaven i couldn't even listen i was jumping up and down so much inside. and the coolest part was how he prayed in the name of Jesus Christ, believing for the first time that He is his Savior. 50-60 years Jesus Christ was a prophet to this man. 2 months of the Book of Mormon and he had a testimony He is the Christ. My respect and appreciation for the Book of Mormon changed as I listened to him pray. I just feel awe. I knew it was good, but not that good. Talked to an Iraqi woman today - Muslim too, but also knows the Book of Mormon is true, and is meeting with missionaries.

I love God. He's the coolest.

So, on a more secular note, Dad can I have your chili and cornbread recipe? made cornbread from the box yesterday and it did not go so well. Janelle, can I have your lasagna recipe? and alia, I do have a crock pot so anything you've got. mom, can i have your mac and cheese recipe?
i do all the cooking now in this companionship - i made korean food two days in a row, but craving some american that doesn't include peanut butter.

love you all.

April 7, Week 11

2010-04-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

hey!
so good to hear from all of you. sorry for the lack of caps - just had an arabic adventure that put us over time. oh my goodness arabs every day. kull youm. i just got out of a spanish contact where i talked to a guy in spanish and he said he wanted the missionaries to bring him a book of mormon and was so happy when three guys walked through the gate. "maybe they speak arabic," my companion joked. they did. from qatar and dhubai and i think saudi. oh it was a blast. they were on a scheduled tour with a class, but i got them books of mormon in arabic and wrote my testimony inside for them in arabic. tons of fun.

but before i go on to conference, THANK YOU AND HAPPY EASTER TO YOU TOO!!! a family night well spent ;) oh i love you all. woke up at six like every other day but that easter morning reached under my bed and opened the box up. those pictures were awesome! they're all either on my wall or tucked in my scriptures that i carry around with me (nice to see your smiling faces after a tour with less than cordial guests). and the notes were great. yes dad, three smiley faces definitely constitutes one egg - at least, that's what they taught me in school. joshua - the egg man is equally as cool as the heart man and they both hang on my wall. sean, you're adorable. every time you write it's with such class. sorry about the nose - at least your story is better than mine when i ran into a tree. no excuse. ha, mom, remember that? all in the pursuit of making little linea laugh. alas, i digress. janelle i'm really glad you're feeling better. really glad. that thesis must be stressing you out big time - you're in my prayers. and you're a stinkin good writer. i remember you reading a story about a dreamcatcher girl to me curled up in my bed at least 10 years ago. maybe you could fish that one up and hand it in - i sure enjoyed it :) alia! soo cool you got to go to ct. your boy is one chubby monkey. good work ;) mom, glad things are calming down for you. how's your back? mikaela you're hilarious. the card was great. caleb, you're such a cool kid. proud to call you my sister.

so conference from the inside. ha. where do i start? a missionary's dream come true. we were like kids in a candy store. people to invite everywhere we looked, as far as the eye could see. my adorable companion and i invited 499 people in two days. it was haaaarrd work. it was freezing and we had to contact outdoors and our pens stopped working and our fingers wouldn't bend but the members were amazing. our mission goal was 3000 potential referrals - which means members give us names and numbers of nonmember friends to call and invite to learn more. we got 4628. each mornings President Holmes made sure we were doing it for Christ, reminding us of the stages of His life from birth to the Americas. and at the end we held a meeting of thanks to the members, to each other, and most of all to Him. The bond of gratitude created between that room and our Heavenly Father was so overwhelming - it was it's own kind of joy. and i know it's weird, like a totally non-kemsley-ish thing to do, bug people for their friends' numbers and cold call strangers to tell them God loves them. It was really hard for me to do until I saw what happens. how we kneel and pray before we start our calls, and how strong the Spirit can be even over the phone. some of my most sacred moments have happened while i was wearing a headset. go figure. and the thing is too, that it works. thousands every week receive the missionaries because of our phone invites. (a large portion of them are fijian, but that's besides the point)

we did get to go to a session. sister tating and i (this girl is pocket size, adorable, and tells me she loves me at least once an hour) sat in the nosebleed section and i'll admit, sitting in those chairs after working so hard, i was a little sleepy. but smiled and thought of you all as elder nelson talked about temple work. the thing for me was being there with 21000 that believed like i did. often my old companion and i would end our tours in that room, just the guests and my companion in that whole auditorium. and it's just hard, you know, to bear your testimony and have it rejected. it gets to your confidence after a while. then to be there with 21000 that believed that there really was a prophet there in the room with us, i just wish i could grab people off the street and go, "SEE! i'm not crazy!" haha missionary work is such a funny world.

k well i have to go, but i actually have pday again saturday since we lost it last week. ha, and since these last two days our mission president's canceled personal and companionship study and commanded us to sleep and recuperate from confernece, i think this is the closest thing to spring break i'll ever get ;) he's also been feeding us pizza for lunch. love that man.

so many miracles it make me just shake my head.

take care. oh, and i tried to send you kids a postcard but accidently sent it to myself. yeah, my bad. gonna work on that ;)

love you

tamarra

March 29, Week 10

2010-04-02T15:26:00.000-07:00

Janelle! I am so sorry to hear about how sick you got. Especially around your birthday :( Know that a (very) little something of Temple Square sunshine is on its way in hopes of letting you know how much I love you, your adorable boy, and husband.

Speaking of love - Jill and Jared and Oscar are officially a part of the family in my book (though that happened like the 2nd Thanksgiving with us, if not the first). If someone could forward this their way, THANK YOU. Those cookies were lovely - including their timing. They just happened to be my companion's favorite kind in the world and scored me some serious points besides my own enjoyment. I don't know if I'll get much of a chance to do letters today, so I wanted to let you know ASAP my thanks, though more will be on its way :)

So cool that you all got to meet Cameron! It's so funny to get the same story from so many angles - everyone mentioned the hair first haha. Sounds like its got some red to it, which is still weird to me - that of a Kemsley with red hair. So glad you got to go out and see the family, Alia.

I got to see some family recently :) I got to give a tour to Crystal. She came to Temple Square and it was so fun to give her her first tour of the place. In the end it was a really sweet experience for both of us, too. Like, one of my top five favorite experiences of the mission thus far. Crystal is such an amazing person. (And Uncle Mark if you get this, THANK YOU FOR THE SUITCASE. My companion was not quite clear as to how I am to obtain that, but I think my next companion, might be a little more helpful in that department).

Yeah, so we had transfer conference. It was a such a party. Games and candy and a lot of opening of letters as sisters were called "outbound" from everywhere from Washington to Tennesse (turns out Alaska IS a possibility, hmm ha). We then broke into our zones (I am in the South zone, in charge of contacting on the southern half of the square, though we can take tours anywhere), and new companionships and zones were announced. HUGE suprise when my companionship and I got switched. We were SURE that we were going to stay together for a variety of reasons, mostly that we just started opening up. Like, were planning for the next transfer. But I guess we learned everything we were supposed to, because we were released from each other. I go now from a Korean companion to a Philipino one coming in from outbound in Riverside, CA. I hear she's a four foot tall firecracker. And "cute." People said that a lot. I'm extremely excited. I've learned a lot from my companion - bridging, balancing, ping-ponging, kim chi stir fry, and how to bare my testimony in Korean. It will be so cool to learn Philipino culture now. I don't think I'll ever look at the globe the same again.

Oh my goodness so much big news. So the beginning of this week during planning I made the commitment to take Arabic study more serious. I can only do it during meal times so it's been wishy washy, but I put my foot down - three new words a day. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but with everything else it's hard to do anything on the side. As soon as I made that commitment, I've been using it almost every day it seems like. I had 2 requests for an Arabic tour - one was surprise. It was a Jordanian entering the MTC the next day (cool, huh?). Elder Elias. He spoke NO english, so it was legitimately an Arabic tour. His cousin was there to help translate, but I was able to give the 30-40 minute tour almost entirely in Arabic. It was incredible. Elder Elias was so, so excited. It humbled me and I was a little jealous of his zeal (ha, all of you remember how I entered the MTC), but he shared his with me. He LOVED seeing the conference center auditorium, and I thought what a shock that must have been - to go to Church where the Church is completely obscure and even oppressed in some ways, to that amazing room built to hear the prophet. It was such an honor. Such an honor, to take him around, and in the end when we shook hands I almost cried at the love in his eyes. He was so grateful for the tour, to be here, to be called on a mission (to San Bernidino, CA, btw). AND his sister turned in her papers...and there's talk...completely unofficial...that, well, I might meet her someday :)

The other tour was for a man from Iraq, but he was completely fluent in English so we did in English, except when the Spirit had me slip into Arabic, which allowed me to build a very powerful and unique bond with the man. He wants to go inside the temple so badly but I think is pretty unconvinced about the rest of the Church, using the missionaries to avoid loneliness as his family is still in the Middle East. Regardless, he opened his heart to me about prayer and I told him in Arabic how I pray, in Arabic, to my father - Abuya. He smiled at the intimate way I addressed God in Arabic. "Abuya?" "Sah." or yes. "Abuya."

That's just the beginning, it turns out as of last night. (Sorry this is so long...I had a lot to tell you all). I'm teaching two Arab men tonight the missionary discussions. Two elders from Salt Lake called in to see if there was someone who spoke Arabic, and wanted us to teach them beacuse they couldn't. There was a lot that they had to do to allow this - go through some serious lines of authority because they're outside of the Temple Square mission, but everything got approved and I was told last night to prepare to teach the restoration and the Book of Mormon. And when the Assistant to the President was telling me this, Sister Taumalolo, added, "You know Sister Kemsley. I'm sure you've been called here for many reasons, you know? God only knows. But we NEver had requests for Arabic before you came. Now, it's like all the time." I feel so small, and so inadequete, it was such a blessing to hear that. And I won't be alone - Sister Slight, my Arabic buddy and one of my best friends and rocks here at Temple Square (she took 3 semesters at BYU, too), will be teaching with me. She's incredible. Has looked out for me from early on. What's more, she was called to be my District Leader, so I will spend a lot of time with her in meetings. She's the first one I go to when I need anything. And she's the one that will come with me on my doctor's appointments, which have been once a week but since I'm doing so much better are now every other and even every two weeks. Really, it's the second best thing to being called as her companion.

SO GRATEFUL, holy cow. I can't even believe how cool Temple Square is. A petri dish for miracles. Haven't even begun to tell you the miracles that have blown my mind (real fast - my companion acted as a translator between two 50 year old women who had just discovered they were sisters separated during the Korean War. the one left in korean was VERY buddhist but by the end of the extremely long tour wanted to receive the missionaries. it was incredible to watch the woman's heart change. and wow, one day ask me about helen and josh and how much sense the Gospel meant to this 22 year old couple with huge earrings and tatoos and how extremely cool they thought it there was an Atonement).

Okay. Love you. So much. I have to basically learn the first lesson in Arabic today so that kinda blasts a whole in what was going to be a letter-writing day :( but know that I treasure every letter up - all kept in a neat pile of love near my bed.

sorry for the epistle.

most sincerely,

sister kemsley

March 22, Week 9

2010-03-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

Hello!!

I always get so excited to write you all I wonder if it ever makes sense on the other end. I have less than 10 minute today because of a tour that went over but wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS LINEA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so stinkin proud of you - the Monson Scholarship. You know, I feel like I contributed, driving you to school for a whole year. Tell the prophet that when you shake his hand (you get to take a group picture with him). Though, let's be honest. Not a shocker. You deserve it - undoubtedly. And happy birthday Chris! Thought of you on your birthday, and tomorrow's is grandma's! And Janelle, that's comin up. Thinking about you all and loving you all. Grateful for your notes on home, on school, on random little details. It helps so much in the sanity compartment to hear something from Normalcy.

So many things have conspired to bless me. To make me happy. The sun is out, the flowers are blooming, my psychiatrist raised the dosage on my meds, and all in all the world is beginning to have color both emotionally and physically again. Huge part of that is that I'm not making as many mistakes. That really eases the tension in the companionship. I'm also getting my companion better, recognizing as Janelle pointed out, that critiscm is like a love language for her. Really, we're getting to like each other quite a bit - especially on busy days. Plus I'm learning how to cook Korean food. And am addicted to toasted seaweed.

I realized I never really explained what we do. It's funny, really. We stalk our 35 acre mission, following rotations previously set, and swoop down "nonchalantly" on anyone looking at a map, or taking pictures - anyone that doesn't look like they're in a hurry really. "Where are you from?" Usually Canada. "So good." (an appropriate response for any positive piece of information received from a guest. Stress on the "so"). "Well, you know we give free tours. Explain about the history and the basic beliefs of the Church." Often they say no, just want to look around, in which case we give them a pass along card or just wave goodbye, depending on the tone when they said no, but if they want a tour we just get started, then and there, introducing ourselves and asking them questions about themselves until we know how many children they have or don't, their ages, what school they went. Every stop along the way the Spirit builds. We go a different path every time - sometime preset, sometimes just what's around, and sometimes extremely Spirit led, as in we look at each other and say the same destination at the same time, smile, and walk a little faster. Almost always we shared the First Vision at the end because that's when the Spirit just floods the room, and under its influence we "invite" - sometimes just "do you want a Book of Mormon?" sometimes to fill out the card and check a box. If they do, the missionaries bring it over. We're finding missionaries. It's a really interesting gig. A lot of pressure to do a good job, but the Spirit is so there. We can't plan ahead like other missionaries to teach to their needs - we have to learn them and work it right there, including principles and facts in a balanced way so they're still getting the history they came for. But I've learned to relax a little as (I take my medicine) and realize that God loves these people way too much to let someone as small as me blow it for them. God adores us. I realized that the other day - we don't even have to be righteous. He adores us 100% all the time. We just have to be righteous so we can feel that love. But it's always there. So many miracles. So many lives I'm able to touch - people who just weep to hear they're loved. People who sit enraptures with what we're saying because it's the first time they've learned about Jesus Christ and something inside tells them it's true.

Well, that actually took 20 minutes so I should run. But I'm doing better. Huge thanks to you all. You know I never knew what people meant when they said "I felt the prayers of the others." I don't know how to explain it, but strength comes and with it the image of you all and I just know. Your faith keeps me standing. And your letters, so keep those up ;)

love you all.

Sister Tamarra

March 8, Week 7

2010-03-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

Hey family,

Kara, Frank! I can't believe that sister didn't page me! The official rule is you can't tell someone where someone is, but sisters ALWAYS page sisters even when it's a distant cousin stopping by! Yeah, you just happened to talk to one of the sisters that takes that rule a little too seriously. :( BUT, thanks for the Lorna Doones, and especially the Pirates of the Carribean Pez dispenser. Made my week. And it just felt good to know such familiar people as yourselves had tred on this place that still feels so strange and foreign. Thanks :)

So good to talk to you, Mom and Dad. It grounded me. So many opinions, so much to take in, so much criticism - it reminded me why I was here to talk to you both. And, I don't know, kinda reminded me of who I am, even if I am wearing skirts to my ankles and haven't got a first name (Or I do, a first name shared with 150 other people and it's "Sister"). So yeah, glad you were both there when I called.

Everyone else is probably like "WHAT you called Mom and Dad?" I did - I'm officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety (it's kind of a related thing), and to get the medication we had to get it approved from mom and dad. Yeah it was a really amazing experience, sitting down with a psychiatrist. Ironically it's the strongest confirmation I've received from the Spirit sitting in that doctor's office in downtown Salt Lake - it was time. The cause for the depression is something I've had all my life - the doctor said it develops in utero (sp?) and is inherited (we're still looking into that). It rears its super ugly head in times of change and can be exacerbated by stress and, ha, a lack of sunshine. The doctor said it's like I'm allergic to stimuli, and in order to feel comfortable again I need verbal and physical affirmation. In other words, someone putting their arm around me, and telling me I'm doing okay. It kinda sounds like a bunch of excuses, but everything fell into place. It was like, amazing, like the doctor knew me all my life. Everything he said I felt like "YES! That's IT." So many things that as a family you would be like oh yeah, that's her. And they're all related. Losing everything, not paying attention to where I'm going and what I'm doing, my oversensitivity. I think the best thing he said was something along the lines of "Everyone's nervous system is sensitive to what's going on around them - it's what's keeping us alive. Your's, however, is very overactive, and you're looking all the time for confirmation and validation that you're safe in your surroundings." Not that I'm scared all the time, but going through the mall, the subways, a busy street, it's like I'm so focused on everything I'm not focused on any thing and what really helps is to have someone by my side.

So anyways, the medicine will and does make everything worse before it makes it better. I don't want to be here a lot of the time. I feel so much pressure and so weak, so depressed, so unable to cope. And every time I think I'm doing, something happens. Someone comes. Like my second Joseph. Yeah, another Joseph story. Except this Joseph is from Lebanon.

I really didn't think I could take any more. It sucks so bad to have your testimony hung up on, yelled at, patted on its head, or just coldly rejected, and I was just tired. I turned a corner and there was a wizened, be-sweatered old man. We talked - he's a Maronite from Lebanon. And kind of loony. I love Joseph, and spent almost an hour with him and his member neighbors who took him to Temple Square. They said they looked for sisters for forever and weren't sure where or what, when I came around the corner and could speak Arabic. Joseph's lived his whole life in some sort of religious conflict, so he didn't let me bear my testimony. He LOVES his Savior, however, so I finally said in Arabic, "I love Jesus, and you love Jesus, and we can share this." He said he would come back and check my Arabic, to see if I was practicing. I think we're going to be friends - I'm pretty sure he's a new regular, along with all the homeless people and a few others who are really struggling in life. I don't think I was sent to Joseph so much as Joseph was sent to me - it was the happiest moment of my week.

Sean, thanks for the letter :) To answer your questions, I don't really know what Utah looks like from Temple Square - you can't really see more than a block. But I know there are mountains out there somewhere. Big ones. I'm never a tour guide, always a missionary - but it's a secret ;) The work is always intense. Yes, interesting. Sometimes repetitive. The people are actually generally Canadian. 2 Arabs so far. We spend about 30-45 minutes with each group and I'll be home before either of us know it. I can't wait to see you either.

Love you all. Dad, got your books. Thanks. And your letter, Janelle. With a 2 year old praying for me I can't fail :)

I'm out of postage and money for this week, but will start writing letters soon.

Love you all. Let me know how you're doing! I love hearing about your lives.

Tamarra

March 1, Week 6

2010-03-04T12:04:00.000-08:00

From Salt Lake to Newtown...

Thanks for the letters! Dearelders absolutely work, Mom - I think I get them like the next day here. Dad, how's the recovery? Totally got the names and got to work this morning as it is Pday, and that is how we start every Pday. Sean, I miss your letters, will you write me another? And Linea, I realize you never got to see my utter love for you when I got the letter in which you stated you were looking into videogames in Spanish. Could there be a better celebration of culture? I think not.

Everyone is so curious, ha, I love it. So many questions. Let me see if I can describe life here:

I live in an apartment here in downtown Salt Lake - the first two floors are sister missionaries, and its definitely one of the nicest apartments I've ever lived in. There are two companions per apt (and one shower). I love our roommates - one is from Tahiti with a beautiful french accent and hair to her knees, a flower in her hair usually and the hugest hugs. With her is Sister Pena from El Salvador. Oh my goodness is she sassy. So I'm the only American (though some of the girls have lived in the States for a while) and it's extremely interesting. A lot of different kinds of food, with Sister Ah-Sha's homemade brownies being the common denominator.

There are over 50 nations represented here. Slowly I'm getting to make friends with some of the girls here - Sister Vupadda from India and Sister Samuel from Pakistan are among my favorites.

We get up, all of us, at 630 AM and exercise in the parking garage since its cold. The other day I had to smile, broadly, as sat back and realized I was doing Tae Bo to EFY music with a bunch of sister missionaries refusing to be fine with just wearing their skirts a little higher on their waists. And somehow that the girl to my left was a Cambodian half my size and weight, punching and kicking, just made it all the better.

We study by ourselves, then with our companions, and get to the square by 10 (often earlier, though, with a bagillion meetings to attend) and work til 9.

Mom, the clothes we got are perfect. Really exactly the look, warm, comfortable, and a really good amount, too. Sister Holmes has been lightening the rules ever since she and her husband were put in charge. The coat thing comes from the Brethren, though. So I haven't worn them. But I haven't needed them, really. Hey, good thing we got the ones I like! And they're totally mission appropriate if I go outbound next winter, which I probably will. So even those may turn out to be perfect yet.

To answer Kara's question - pday starts with the temple, then a normal day until 1 PM, and the rest is ours. Mostly for shopping and cleaning and letter writing. Catch up day kind of stuff.

But as far as what the work is like, it's all over the place. The highs are HUGE - like (drumroll) when I got to take an Arabic tour, my second day here - a couple from Iraq. I smacked my head so hard after I sent my last email to you all forgetting to tell you that, and have been waiting all week. It was awesome. The husband was totally bilingual and the wife didn't speak any English at all. The history stuff I couldn't do in Arabic, failing to remember the words for granite, organ, etc., but I could do all the Gospel-related parts of the tour in Arabic and we had a really good time together, ending with my bearing my testimony to them, and discovering that they had a Book of Mormon and were reading it as a family. Hopefully I helped :) I do know it meant so much for the wife, who at the end felt comfortable to talk to me in Arabic without her husband, and just held my hand for the longest time. They were awesome. A Palestinian from Bethlehem came yesterday and received a Book of Mormon, but I was busy somewhere else :( and he didn't need a translator so they didn't page me or the other sister that took Arabic at BYU. Still, it was so cool to hear. I'm keeping a tally of all the nations I teach and so far I've taught people from Scotland, South America, the ME, Europe - I can't even remember them all.

On the other hand, the stress is massive. Temple Square has beginning to feel more and more like Mona Lisa's. Turns out a seasonally-depressed, overly-sensitive American and a Korean come from two different places. It's all been a huge crash course in overcoming my insecurities and over-sensitivity, and at one point it just got to be too big. I had a panic attack on Temple Square - thankfully on a slow day, and met with the mission president who said a lot of the things I actually imagine dad would say, and has said (in fact, he has the very same laptop as you, dad, and when I first got into his office read me all these cool statistics - likes those sort of things I guess ;). He said he would honor my decision to go home. I said I wasn't going to, and he gave me a blessing and sent me on my way. I was broken, but somehow I made it through the day. And the next one, kind of. I'm not sure I would have made it through the next one, though, except Elder Pace from the Seventy came and spoke to us. Afterwards he randomly selected 6 of us from the large crowd to interview. I got picked. I entered the office and he just asked me to tell him everything I was feeling. Ha, I'm not sure he knew what he was getting into. General Authorities are so much different in person - much more willing to open up about things that they can't at a pulpit. It was a powerful and spiritually rejuvenating experience. Leaving his office I felt strongly I needed to see a doctor. Sister Holmes was very helpful - I'm meeting with someone tomorrow and hopefully I can finally get officially diagnosed with SAD and get some medication.

Ha, so that's a lot, I know. But obviously the help is huge - like Elder Pace picking me out of the very back row in a large lecture room. And the letters from you all. And small improvements, like getting yelled or told your wrong by someone for what you're doing, and beginning to be able to let it go. Or receiving really direct, really huge criticism, and just thinking, "Shes' right. K, I'll do it like that." And then moving on. Emotionally, even.

I know there were a million things I meant to and wanted to write. Hm, and I remember just one. Will someone dearelder me the location of the Beehive Tea House in SLC? I would love you forever. Promise.

Times up. Shoot, but I don't want to go. I want to talk to each of you. Mom and Dad - maybe it would be better if you came for April conference instead of this fall. I think I could be ready by then ;). To end, the Church, I've decided, must be true. Otherwise I know I wouldn't be able to do this. Like I was telling a Scottish couple last night, every tour takes everything I have. EVERything. And I think, "That's it, I'm spent. I have nothing left to give." And then we meet someone to teach, and I find I have it all again, all over again. That's the testimony I have of my Savior.

Talk to you in a week.

- Tamarra