Holy Envy: From a lecture I attended in Jerusalem

Tamarra Kemsley

JERUSALEM — During a time when the Swedish community was in vocal opposition against the construction of an LDS temple in the country’s capital, Lutheran Bishop Krister Stendahl of Sweden first presented to the world the concept of “holy envy.”

23 years later, three members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were privileged to attend the “Holy Envy” section of the prestigious Edward Bronfman Annual Lecture held in Jerusalem where the presenters came from Jewish, Christian, and Muslim backgrounds.

“It is a deeper sense of religious humility,” Rabbi Professor David Hartman said, “through which Christian and Muslim scholars can come together in a Jewish institution, and feel comfortable with one another.”

Professor Menachem Fisch, the director of Philosophy at Tel Aviv University said, “Many of us are easily pluralistic when it comes to language and literature, music, and foreign cuisines, seeing such as an asset for enrichment. But many people, and especially religious people, believe that when it comes to the diverse truth-playings of diverse ethical and religious systems…the kind of wrongness that they attribute to peoples of other faiths rules out the possibility of attributing them any inherent value.”

Amy Gordon, one of the three BYU students and members of the LDS Church present there, expressed the love and appreciation she had developed during her time in Jerusalem for the Lutheran services she had developed a habit of attending, emphasizing most the optimism and enthusiasm found therein.

Regarding holy envy Gordon had the following to say: “Because we belong to the ‘one true church,’ sometimes we make the mistake of believing that we have the ‘one right way of doing things’… There is a wealth of truth and understanding that can be found outside of Sunday School, and as a people dedicated to truth, we should be eager to look for all that is good about the faith of others, and willing to embrace light wherever we find it.”

Although unable to attend the conference, Jeffrey Stott, also a senior at Brigham Young University attending the Jerusalem study abroad, has become very familiar with the concept of holy envy during his time in the Holy Land saying, “I’ve noticed that members of other religions have better captured the essence of direct vocal worship to God. While I have learned to daily give thanks to God, I rarely praise him with words or verbally recognize His power and divinity, something that the Jews and Muslims are constantly doing."

All the speakers stressed that holy envy was not a means towards conversion or a tool of missionary work.

Rather, as Professor Shiraz Hijiani of the University of Chicago and a Muslim described it, religion is “not a zero-sum game. I need to be working on helping you practice your faith the best that you can. Why? Because your salvation depends on mine, and mine on yours.”

Christmas letters are best snarky

When I get the chance to write the Kemsley Family Christmas Letter, I take it.


To Whom It May Concern:

Deen and Kristin are standing strong these days in spite of chronic vacuum failure and spending a month and a half in rural India again. Deen mostly teaches and Kristin mostly paints in the face of impending blizzards. They both love living like pioneers when the power goes out for weeks on end.
We probably miss you, possibly love you, and figured you would like an update:

Janelle: Kickin it with all the other Mormon mommy bloggers on the Upper Westside. Elliot goes to preschool, sleeps in a closet, and has become wildly proficient at throwing birds at concrete walls. Harper and Janelle are both meticulously well-dressed though one does better with strangers than the other.

Kara: She tried to learn guitar but argues her fingers are too small. Still doing statistics about who’s most likely to die when and lives with her husband Frank, who is a fantastic whistler, in an apartment just above Janelle, making Call of Duty and/or Agricola evenings very doable.

Alia: Has a house. Like, a house house. With a pool and everything. Jackson came into existence recently and Brian loves referring to his kids accurately as “his boys” and Alia’s pretty much wiped but that doesn’t stop her from sweeping all the best internet bargains.

Tamarra: Well, for the first half of the year she was on her mission at Temple Square where she saw friends and family pretty much daily, but is now officially among the land of the living and this time she won’t ask you for a referral.

Linea: Been super busy with school; however, on the whole she finds great joy in living so long as “Merlin” is still running and “Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell” is in reach. She just changed her major from biophysics to just physics. We Kemsleys have never been animal-loving people, anyway.

Mikaela: I would write more about her but I can’t hear over her singing. Which is fantastic, by the way, and has helped her grace the stage in many-a-play this past year including Leisle in “The Sound of Music.” The cool part is she actually WAS sixteen going on seventeen.

Sean: Massive. Just massive. As tall as Deen and a voice a whole octave lower. Need any trees cut down? With a herring? The Newtown High School XC team is lucky to have him.

Caleb: How many 10 year olds do you know can claim the piano and the cello but can’t cut their cornbread? That is Caleb. Oh, and he got straight A’s so far this school year. Deserves, along with Josh, some serious “Uncle of the Year” awards.

Josh: Plays the violin and sometimes gets so frustrated with it he refers to it as a “wretched” instrument. We at least take comfort in his command of the English language, though not so much that he’s convinced all the kids at school that the speakers in the lunchroom are bombs and the teachers’ bathroom has a door to a secret passageway.

Well, that should do it. And in all seriousness, we appreciate the continued impact you have in our lives whether we saw you last week or a decade ago. We continue to take joy in knowing each of you.

Sincerely,

The Kemsleys

Epilogue

In the last few days leading up to Sister Kemsley's return, the mission life felt as routine as every day before it stretching back to January 2010. Only in the last three hours of full-time, nametag service did her stomach finally cue the long overdue somersaults that are in order when anyone's life is about to shift dramatically. But even then, they were a minor side effect of change. There were no major side effects, really.

She was talking to guests and sisters, then sleeping, then awake earlier than she wished, then on a plane with a fellow missionary headed to the same neck of the woods, then landed, then greeted by her family, then back home to the same house she'd expected to return to in the very same place she'd thought it would be. Only, she did not expect the totally modern armchairs her mom had bought and placed in the living room next to the classical styled furniture. That came as a complete surprise.

As life commenced over the next several days (during which there was a fair share of dragon games) Tamarra tried again and again to explain to her fellows that it was not whatsoever difficult or strange to be back. The mission was weird, she would often think to herself, this is completely normal.

On the outside, one might be tempted to think she immediately lost herself in "the world" again, forgetting things like scripture study and prayer: What had been 2 hours a day of study of the word of God quickly dropped to 20 minutes a day. Personal prayers to God were a few sentences, and mostly pleas for those she left behind on the front lines of Temple Square to have His aid and love in the soul-wrenching work she knew they were about. And for a moment the recently returned missionary was afraid maybe she had lost touch with her spiritual side to a certain degree. But that moment of doubt lasted only for a moment which was all it took for the Divine to insert (as it so often does) its own thoughts on the matter.

Just the way it made no sense for His disciples to fast when He was in the midst, so it made little sense to lock herself in a room to read about the eternal purposes of mankind (which is eternal families) when hers was milling about outside her door. Neither did it make sense to read about the need for service in the purifying of a human heart when mher mother stood in need of me every moment of the day. In many ways, Tamarra's spirit was more whole than it had been in a very long time.

And so it was that, with the satisfaction of a mission well-served and the promise of many more missions to come (though not necessarily ones that came with a name tag), she placed herself in the best way she could to continue to learn from January 2010-July 2011, while bracing for the future and taking full advantage of the opportunities in her reach that very moment. In doing so, she felt a level of life and joy kindle within her breast that had long since extinguished itself.

THE END (of this portion of my life)

1... (June 30, 2011)

Woah.

You ready for what's about to come at you? A full-blown return missionary in identity-crisis mode? Because here she comes.

Mom - dinner and then to be released sounds wonderful. Released. Funny and appropriate word for such a thing.

Josh - I have just the thing in mind for you. And everyone. Nothing super nice or special - just knick knacks that made brought a smile to my face and a sibling to mind. (I mean, we're talking like after I came home from the Middle East - most of this is free stuff I found lying around, but you know it comes from the heart).

Alia - This is a latent response, but I totally appreciate and understand your decision to wait until Nantucket. It will be good just to talk on the phone again, you know? I mean, we're still upgrading here.

Alright, I think that takes care of all the housekeeping. As far as things on the Square goes, my last week is shaping up to be just like any other week except with added anxiety (it just occurred to me recently that I have pills for that). Went to the temple with the five other sisters I went into the MTC with and came on a mission with - we're one of the smallest groups ever to leave at the end of a transfer. Six of us, and we're all from the United States. Phew, the Square isn't losing any of its diversity. But as I sat on a bench in the chapel in the Salt Lake temple right in the middle of us, I thought how unique it is for a group to stick together for their entire mission, seeing each other each and every day. We're not just bonded together, we're welded. And it was the first time we could all sit together since the MTC and talk about the phenomenon that has taken place between each of us. All of us made it; no one bailed. We then went through the temple together and sat beside one another in the celestial room, drawing from the comfort of knowing that when we feel like no one can relate with us about the last year and a half, we have each other. Plus, all of us are going to one kind of BYU or another.

I saw Alan. I figured it would happen sometime before I went home, but admittedly was getting a little nervous when I only had a week left. Sister Elias wasn't feeling well one day so we went back for a bit for her to rest. On our walk back there he was, tall and well-tailored in dress, as if he had known I would walk across that intersection in that precise moment. He was shocked to know I only had a week left. He hadn't even been planning on coming to downtown Salt Lake that day, but for one reason or another found himself here and figured he ought to give Temple Square a single go. He wondered if he should go back and check again, but decided if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be, looked up and saw me coming. He and Sister Elias and I then spent the next two hours absorbing the wisdom he'd gained in the last 8 months since we had talked. His words echoed Dr. Ferre's, and in a way yours, Mom and Dad. I knew they were for me and the foundation for life's next chapter that I was looking for.

Hey, just want to give a shout out to all of you who have been so great at keeping in touch with me. It means the world for a missionary to know she's not forgotten by the outside world. Actually, I've been the envy of all the sisters I have shared the "K" mailbox with from transfer 1 to transfer 12 and I owe that honor to all of you.

Looking back the highlights are these:

Sitting across from Elder Pace and him telling me what I knew already but required validation for: I needed medical help.

Serving with Sister Tating.

Shelley who cried when she read the Book of Mormon for the first time.

Alan and his purple bandanna-d head sitting in the back righthand corner of the Assembly Hall.

Conference at Easter time.

Sleeping in after a very successful Conference.

Being a district leader.

Being companions with Sister Ishijima: "Uhh, yeah!"

Being companions with Sister Harmer.

Georgia, and specifically Barbara Tronsgard.

Okay, and UGA, too.

Teaching in Arabic with Sister Elias.

And, of course, the famous question, what did I learn?

That I am able to suffer the will of the Father. I feel my loyalty to Him secured. I understand much better the portion of Zion I am responsible for breaking about, however small.

God lives. The Savior lives. Joseph Smith did restore the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Temples are crucial to our salvation. The Book of Mormon is a seamless and much needed companion to the Holy Bible (and vice-versa). Most of all, God is a LOVING Heavenly Father.

Sincerely,

Sister Kemsley

2... (June 23, 2011)

So.....

I'm kind of freaking out. Who wouldn't, right? 18 months of the same schedule and 20 acres is about to be totally erased. Out of my shire and into the complex, multi-faceted world. Though honestly, I'm okay with that. Overwhelmed, but at peace. A few points worry me, like how yesterday my companion was sick so we delayed the day two hours before going to the Square. Letting myself sleep in was a big mistake - I never really came out of the fog. I asked a friend who served with me a year ago how long the physical recovery took - "Well, definitely a month to start to catch up on sleep, and a year for overall healing." Uhh...that doesn't really work into my timeframe: One is not often paid for sleeping (though occasionally and perhaps I should start researching those options).

In the mean time, though, I'm working at full speed - the way I took off at the starting line. I just don't have any other mode and though sometimes I feel it would be wise to slow down a bit, I literally don't know how. I mean, how does that translate into reality? As a result, our days are packed with tours and teaching appointments. We are total, shameless motorcoach hogs. We have quite the report with the sisters in Guest Services and they have us at the top of their list. Most sisters hate escorting groups of 20-40 retired folk or American Asians (yes, only those two groups), but for whatever reason Sister Elias and I are obsessed. I was last year, too. So we take one or two a day - last week alone we taught 147 people about the history and basic beliefs of the Church. Productivity is simply lovely and enjoyable.

Beside the mass tours, we give many small ones. Two days ago we met a woman named Crystal and a man named Adam around. Um, we were kind of obsessed. We showed them EVERYTHING because we just didn't want to let them go. We totally blew off our dinner and took them around for a record 2.5 hours. They tried desperately to feed us a steak dinner afterwards which we obediently refused and ran home just in time to make it by 900 PM at which time we proceeded to make pancakes.

Crystal was just so fascinated and Adam remained aloof in his manly way but at the end when he found out the tour was over he ignored our outstretch hands and gave us each a quick hug. The four of us would get laughing so hard we would have to remove ourselves so other sisters could continue to teach in the same area. We also had incredibly real conversations about whether we truly believed everything the Church taught which I found myself very grateful to say that I did. Not an easy place to have come to, but I do. Already we have an email from Crystal thanking us for the tour and voicing how much she hopes we all stay in touch. Incredible how you can make stalwart friends in 2.5 hours. I think the Spirit of God has a way of facilitating such bonding and feelings of love and friendship.

A side note, I ran into Elder Perry twice this week and he talked with me both times (we are not allowed to initiate conversation with a General Authority). The second time I was on one of the endless escalators in the Conference Center about to end a tour with two precious people - Sue and Gary - when I heard from behind me "How are you?" Turning around I smiled and introduced him to the two on our tour. Afterwards we were walking and I explained to them that he was one of the twelve apostles. They thought that was pretty cool. Still didn't refer themselves to learn more - I guess that's validation that having an apostle isn't really the ticket any more than two missionaries on a tour.

Well, I'm grateful for everything I've learned here on the mission, mostly about who I am. Non-intentional self-discovery has been quite the theme of the last year and a half and has proven to be an exhausting process. Sometimes I wanted to throw up my hands and shout "I've had enough!" - actually I didn't just want to, I did exactly that. Of course it didn't work and now I'm grateful for it all, you know, the way you're glad you stuck it threw the full hour kickboxing class.

I'm off. We have to go get food seeing as we are even out of Ramen. And then sleep. We're going to watch "Tangled" tonight as a Zone - I'm looking forward to that.

Thanks for all the letters and the love. I really appreciate it.

Take care,

Tamarra